How do "cool kids" become "cool"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids are asking each other as dates to the 5th grade dance? Aren't dances at that age supposed to be about everyone just being there together? I would be more concerned about this than who is cool--this seems way too early to start worrying about who has a date and who doesn't--they shouldn't be "dating" at that age.

FWIW, I was most definitely NOT a "cool" kid, but even I remember passing "will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend" notes in 4th-5th grade. Totally meaningless, we didn't go anywhere! But this was a 1980s public school.

Same--there were definitely people who had boyfriends starting in 5th grade when I was a kid back in the 80s. It was totally innocent! My daughter has crushes all the time (sometimes reciprocated) but she still covers her eyes if there is a kissing scene in a movie she is watching because it's gross and embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They tend to be good looking and have money. They often have deeper roots in the community. Being outgoing helps as well -- introverts by their nature are less likely to be "cool."

Omg this is ridiculous. Grow up. Nobody thinks you and your kid are cool except you.

[Anonymous]

Looks and personality. Some kids are naturally outgoing and have charisma that attract others to them. They have a humor to them or a whit that is fun to be around. Some have an ability to make others feel bad about themselves and they'll attract those to them that don't want to be targeted.


For girls they tend to form by elementary/middle school school and become hard to break into once junior high hits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, OP is probably at a private school. This does not seem like a public school thing. At least not at my public school. Thank God.

What, there no popular kid cliques on public school? Sure, ok.

Not really. The middle schools are too large. Cool Kid cllques only work where everyone knows everyone else.

That's not true. There are probably more cool kid cliques and subsets but there is still a hierarchy within them. There are probably the cool smart kids, the cool sports kids, the cool band kids, the cool general kids, and the cheerleaders, the cool dance girls, the funny guys, and the cool pretty girls. Still everyone will know them.

[Anonymous]

Kids are born cool. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked at the same preschool both of my kids attended - so I literally followed quite a few kids from preschool through HS. I can tell you that the pecking order and personalities start to take shape at three. It seems a combination of confidence, coordination, an outgoing nature on the part of both parent and child, grooming and ease at which activities are picked up. Then, on top of a child’s disposition, there is always one child that begins to decide who plays and who does not. It is pretty much as simple as that.

At age 3-5 a lot of that has to do with age. I’ve seen the older kids at the top of the pecking order but I guess that’s why people hold back

[Anonymous]

I was part of the popular crowd in HS and I would say the main “cool” girl was pretty, funny but not a clown, smart and talented in a few areas, and was not particularly sensitive. She just had kind of an “above it all” vibe. Within the popular group, girls were generally good looking and smart but some were athletic, some more ‘edgy’ etc etc.

I do not think money or cool parents mattered at all. I do remember one girl who had a mother who seemed weirdly involved and invested and it looked desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was part of the popular crowd in HS and I would say the main “cool” girl was pretty, funny but not a clown, smart and talented in a few areas, and was not particularly sensitive. She just had kind of an “above it all” vibe. Within the popular group, girls were generally good looking and smart but some were athletic, some more ‘edgy’ etc etc.

I do not think money or cool parents mattered at all. I do remember one girl who had a mother who seemed weirdly involved and invested and it looked desperate.

invested in the kid group? how do?

anyways not really clamoring for their kids to be in the popular group? I would rather they have a wide group of friends from all their activities and be friends with the focused and smart kids

[Anonymous]

Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

[Anonymous]

I think cool and popular are two very different things. For those who remember Beverly Hills, 90210: Steve Sanders was popular while Dylan McKay was cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They tend to be good looking and have money. They often have deeper roots in the community. Being outgoing helps as well -- introverts by their nature are less likely to be "cool."

I think this is true. They have parents who are friends who get together socially so they get more bonding time. They are usually good at sports. They don’t do scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

I agree. My brother in law was very cool in high school. Now he’s fifty and living off his parents. A total loser. Usually the cool kids in high school do drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are born cool. Honestly.

Yes. I was not cool but was friendly with the cool kids. I have a cool child. It’s innate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think cool and popular are two very different things. For those who remember Beverly Hills, 90210: Steve Sanders was popular while Dylan McKay was cool.

So true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think cool and popular are two very different things. For those who remember Beverly Hills, 90210: Steve Sanders was popular while Dylan McKay was cool.

So true!

Dylan was a loser.