Do not bring a sibling to a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

You told a parent that they couldn’t stay at a party in a public place like bowlmor? How old were the kids?

Can you read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

You told a parent that they couldn’t stay at a party in a public place like bowlmor? How old were the kids?

Hint: the words “on my tab” are key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had a party today and a parent asked if a sibling could come. It would have cost me $40 extra for the child. Of course I was a gracious host and I said yes nicely but inside I was annoyed. She messaged me while I was running around getting cake and getting ready for the party so I didn’t have a chance to text her. When she arrived, I said of course the sibling can join.

Kids also were taking extra favors for siblings. My own kids didn’t get favors because of siblings who didn’t attend the party.

Absurd. Entitled parents raising entitled kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

Most professional people (which DCUM is full of) don’t work every weekend, except for healthcare, some (not all) law enforcement, truck drivers (doubt there are many of those on DCUM) and a small number of others. Most of these people are 9-5 paper pushers. They’re just making excuses because they’re APPALLED that anyone suggests their entire brood isn’t welcome at another kid’s birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

That's really terrible to ask the birthday family to shag your kids because you are sooooo "busy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

You told a parent that they couldn’t stay at a party in a public place like bowlmor? How old were the kids?

Hint: the words “on my tab” are key.

When you have a party that requires parents of course the parents are on your tab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

That's really terrible to ask the birthday family to shag your kids because you are sooooo "busy."

What does shag mean in this context?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

Most professional people (which DCUM is full of) don’t work every weekend, except for healthcare, some (not all) law enforcement, truck drivers (doubt there are many of those on DCUM) and a small number of others. Most of these people are 9-5 paper pushers. They’re just making excuses because they’re APPALLED that anyone suggests their entire brood isn’t welcome at another kid’s birthday party.

Healthcare, big law, consultants, first responders, restaurant business, retail, military, teachers/coaches. Lots of people work weekends.

[Anonymous]

I think this is mostly an online thing, OP. I don’t know anyone IRL who expects people to get a babysitter in order to chaperone their three year old at sky zone.

Most people either invite few enough kids that they can handle them without additional help or expect to have (at least some) siblings in attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

That's really terrible to ask the birthday family to shag your kids because you are sooooo "busy."

Pp here. These are families we hang out with often. We just had a party and one of my child’s new friends didn’t RSVP. I reached out and she said she didn’t rsvp because her husband is traveling and doesn’t know the schedule of her other 2 children. I offered to drive the child and she was delighted.

My other child recently went to a party and birthday child lives one block from our house. Family said they would drive our child. We also took that child to my son’s party.

My boys are tweens so often the parent is small, just a handful of kids so the parent is taking all the kids in one car anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

In hindsight, I guess the family may have paid separate entrance fees for themselves. The family ate the party food and seemed like part of the party.

I once took my elementary kid to a Chuck E. Cheese party for my kindergartener. I know I could have asked but I just took him and bought him his own tokens. I specifically said not to join the party. When both were in preschool, I have taken both and been the rude one to ask if I can bring both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

In hindsight, I guess the family may have paid separate entrance fees for themselves. The family ate the party food and seemed like part of the party.

I once took my elementary kid to a Chuck E. Cheese party for my kindergartener. I know I could have asked but I just took him and bought him his own tokens. I specifically said not to join the party. When both were in preschool, I have taken both and been the rude one to ask if I can bring both.

Honestly this thread is making me think about the kind of party we throw. I have a kid who is very into gymnastics and has asked for a party at a gymnastics studio several times. These have very strict limits on numbers and it really wouldn’t be very safe for kids more than a few years younger than mine to be in there. I once had a parent just bring a similar age sibling and I was really shocked but just rolled with it because we were ok number wise and he was safe because he was close enough in age. My kid’s birthday is also very close to the beginning of the school year and they have often made a bunch of new friends so we have typically invited the whole class (can’t send invitations to school unless you invite the whole class) plus a few friends from outside school. So very little wiggle room on numbers. But I honestly didn’t think that this would be a problem for so many people because my husband works often on weekends but typically can be flexible around other events. Didn’t realize it was such a common problem for other families. Hopefully we are getting past the age of whole class parties soon so maybe that will help.