Do not bring a sibling to a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

In hindsight, I guess the family may have paid separate entrance fees for themselves. The family ate the party food and seemed like part of the party.

I once took my elementary kid to a Chuck E. Cheese party for my kindergartener. I know I could have asked but I just took him and bought him his own tokens. I specifically said not to join the party. When both were in preschool, I have taken both and been the rude one to ask if I can bring both.

Honestly this thread is making me think about the kind of party we throw. I have a kid who is very into gymnastics and has asked for a party at a gymnastics studio several times. These have very strict limits on numbers and it really wouldn’t be very safe for kids more than a few years younger than mine to be in there. I once had a parent just bring a similar age sibling and I was really shocked but just rolled with it because we were ok number wise and he was safe because he was close enough in age. My kid’s birthday is also very close to the beginning of the school year and they have often made a bunch of new friends so we have typically invited the whole class (can’t send invitations to school unless you invite the whole class) plus a few friends from outside school. So very little wiggle room on numbers. But I honestly didn’t think that this would be a problem for so many people because my husband works often on weekends but typically can be flexible around other events. Didn’t realize it was such a common problem for other families. Hopefully we are getting past the age of whole class parties soon so maybe that will help.

Obviously if it was just at our house I wouldn’t care but we could not have the whole here it would be nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

Lots of people don’t work weekends, others have family help, still others swap off with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is mostly an online thing, OP. I don’t know anyone IRL who expects people to get a babysitter in order to chaperone their three year old at sky zone.

Most people either invite few enough kids that they can handle them without additional help or expect to have (at least some) siblings in attendance.

No, they invite who they want to invite (the birthday child’s friend) and are fine if you need to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

Wait, what? You wouldn't allow both parents to come to your party? That's insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

I always think this question is odd. I don’t know anyone with two parents that both have every weekend off, and a lot of people don’t have flexible work schedules. These parties are always in the middle of the day and not really designed around a typical work day.

Really? I have friends who are doctors and military and they work weekends, but at least half my friends, if not more, have two working spouses, neither of whom works on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

I hate this age old debate. I also hate rules that say you can’t say “no gifts” becuase it’s rude to talk about gifts or that people should read into the secret code and nuance of how an invite is worded. F

The purpose of manners and etiquette is the same as grammar. It sets an expectation for both the host/guest and writer / reader to avoid awkward situations. The issue with etiquette is that many people in modern society mix across cultural groups without realizing that one group’s norm is another group’s faux pas.

As a host is is your duty to communicate clearly. As a guest it is your job to read the invite.
It is totally ok to tell people who ask about siblings- the venue cannot accommodate OR your child can come, but I only have goody bags for the 7yr olds.

Wording I prefer for a drop-off or venue “pay by the head” party is “Your 3rd grader is invited to join Birthday Kid” . . .
I send the invite clearly stating my expectations- then I discretely call or text the single/divorced/deployed spouse parents or those whose younger kids are friends with my younger kid.h

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

Work. Many many people have work obligations on weekends. My physician spouse spends two weekends a month in the hospital. As do many of my friends’ husbands, or they have spouses that travel frequently. I don’t think I know anyone where both parents have the entire weekend free from work every weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is mostly an online thing, OP. I don’t know anyone IRL who expects people to get a babysitter in order to chaperone their three year old at sky zone.

Most people either invite few enough kids that they can handle them without additional help or expect to have (at least some) siblings in attendance.

Agree. I’ve never been to a party where this is an issue. At these non- drop off parties when kids are young and parent has to say, at least half of them just have the one kid. Then another quarter has a parent home, the last quarter may bring sibling and everyone understands you pay at the door for extra kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

Most professional people (which DCUM is full of) don’t work every weekend, except for healthcare, some (not all) law enforcement, truck drivers (doubt there are many of those on DCUM) and a small number of others. Most of these people are 9-5 paper pushers. They’re just making excuses because they’re APPALLED that anyone suggests their entire brood isn’t welcome at another kid’s birthday party.

Healthcare, big law, consultants, first responders, restaurant business, retail, military, teachers/coaches. Lots of people work weekends.

Feel free to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is almost always fine to ask because most parents can surmise the situations where it is rude to ask. I don’t have an issue with saying no. We say siblings are welcome in the invite when the additional cost is marginal. I ask if a sibling can come if it is a party at the park. Today DC went Go Kart racing - where the per kid cost is $75 or more - no way I would have asked in this circumstance.

I don't care how much money one has but it is sheer lunacy to have a birthday party for a child at a venue where the cost is $75/per child.

[Anonymous]

I don't care how much money anyone has but it is absolute lunacy to have a birthday party for a child where the cost is $75/per child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is mostly an online thing, OP. I don’t know anyone IRL who expects people to get a babysitter in order to chaperone their three year old at sky zone.

Most people either invite few enough kids that they can handle them without additional help or expect to have (at least some) siblings in attendance.

No, they invite who they want to invite (the birthday child’s friend) and are fine if you need to decline.

This is just my experience. I don’t think that you and I are real life friends .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

Most professional people (which DCUM is full of) don’t work every weekend, except for healthcare, some (not all) law enforcement, truck drivers (doubt there are many of those on DCUM) and a small number of others. Most of these people are 9-5 paper pushers. They’re just making excuses because they’re APPALLED that anyone suggests their entire brood isn’t welcome at another kid’s birthday party.

Healthcare, big law, consultants, first responders, restaurant business, retail, military, teachers/coaches. Lots of people work weekends.

Feel free to decline.

I don’t decline. I’m not invited. I host parties that are convenient for my guests, and the people I choose to associate with do the same.

You should feel ashamed to teach your child to include only the most privileged of children in her super special party. No three year old needs twenty kids, each with their own adult attendant, at her birthday party. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

Wait, what? You wouldn't allow both parents to come to your party? That's insane.

Agreed. I can’t think of a place that charges extra for adults (scramble, jumping joeys (rip), Badlands (rip), laser tag, etc. It’s on the host to just make sure all kids are served pizza and cupcakes first before adults. It’s also on the host to pass out goody bags to the child the same age as the celebrant first.