Do not bring a sibling to a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time this topic comes up here, the vote is unanimous: don’t even think about bringing a sibling to a birthday party. Asking the host is also rude. Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party today and I followed the DCUMs advice and left DS home with DH. I was quite surprised to see EVERY sibling at the party. Just thought I’d share. Please don’t always rely on the advice you are given here.

OP, I’ve been posting on the last few pages of this thread, and I agree with you.

A story: 8 years ago, I was pregnant. I had only lived in DC for a few years and hadn’t yet made any very close female friends and those I had formed friendships with had moved (DC life!). I asked on here, earnestly, if it would be weird to ask a woman I was forming a friendship with and really liked to host a baby shower/party. Like, I’d pay for it, but maybe she could send out the invites and be ‘hostess.’

People called me a selfish troll, couldn’t believe I was suggesting that, etc etc. Made mean comments about how it was so obvious why i didn’t have friends.

Well, TL,DR, I didn’t ask her (not directly). We got a drink and I made a passive comment about how I wasn’t going to have a shower because I didn’t know anyone who would host it (I cringe now!). She enthusiastically volunteered and said she’d love to and wished I had asked her earlier.

Now, she’s my best friend, I’ve been in her wedding, was the first adult to see her baby, was with her when she had cancer, we’ve traveled together, the works.

So, sometimes you have to (a) know your community, and (b) know yourself and your peers. And also recognize that there are some on DCUM who are narrow minded and nasty and project their insecurities onto others.

We're you bought up among wolves? There are no circumstances where it is appropriate to ask someone to have a party of any kind and if this was for anything other than a first child, it is even worse!

No need to rehash the thread from 8 years ago, but my point is that rudeness and norms are social group and culturally specific. And the US is not a monoculture. See: this thread.

I am not a "rude" person. In fact, I've been criticized by my friends and family in the past as being too reserved and have often had to push myself to move from superficial friendships to deeper ones. And to form a true relationship with someone, you need to be vulnerable and be willing to mess up and apologize when necessary.

And, the relevance to *this* topic is that again, rudeness and norms vary. So, know your community. Where I live sibling attendance at parties is expected, gift registries are commonly included on birthday party invitations (which are always electronic) and subsections of the class are typically invited. And there is *always* plastic crap and sugary candy in goodie bags. Many on this thread would be aghast at all of those norms. But, like OP said: DCUM is not doctrine and if you follow all of the rules you might regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time this topic comes up here, the vote is unanimous: don’t even think about bringing a sibling to a birthday party. Asking the host is also rude. Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party today and I followed the DCUMs advice and left DS home with DH. I was quite surprised to see EVERY sibling at the party. Just thought I’d share. Please don’t always rely on the advice you are given here.

OP, I’ve been posting on the last few pages of this thread, and I agree with you.

A story: 8 years ago, I was pregnant. I had only lived in DC for a few years and hadn’t yet made any very close female friends and those I had formed friendships with had moved (DC life!). I asked on here, earnestly, if it would be weird to ask a woman I was forming a friendship with and really liked to host a baby shower/party. Like, I’d pay for it, but maybe she could send out the invites and be ‘hostess.’

People called me a selfish troll, couldn’t believe I was suggesting that, etc etc. Made mean comments about how it was so obvious why i didn’t have friends.

Well, TL,DR, I didn’t ask her (not directly). We got a drink and I made a passive comment about how I wasn’t going to have a shower because I didn’t know anyone who would host it (I cringe now!). She enthusiastically volunteered and said she’d love to and wished I had asked her earlier.

Now, she’s my best friend, I’ve been in her wedding, was the first adult to see her baby, was with her when she had cancer, we’ve traveled together, the works.

So, sometimes you have to (a) know your community, and (b) know yourself and your peers. And also recognize that there are some on DCUM who are narrow minded and nasty and project their insecurities onto others.

We're you bought up among wolves? There are no circumstances where it is appropriate to ask someone to have a party of any kind and if this was for anything other than a first child, it is even worse!

No need to rehash the thread from 8 years ago, but my point is that rudeness and norms are social group and culturally specific. And the US is not a monoculture. See: this thread.

I am not a "rude" person. In fact, I've been criticized by my friends and family in the past as being too reserved and have often had to push myself to move from superficial friendships to deeper ones. And to form a true relationship with someone, you need to be vulnerable and be willing to mess up and apologize when necessary.

And, the relevance to *this* topic is that again, rudeness and norms vary. So, know your community. Where I live sibling attendance at parties is expected, gift registries are commonly included on birthday party invitations (which are always electronic) and subsections of the class are typically invited. And there is *always* plastic crap and sugary candy in goodie bags. Many on this thread would be aghast at all of those norms. But, like OP said: DCUM is not doctrine and if you follow all of the rules you might regret it.

Stop excusing bad manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time this topic comes up here, the vote is unanimous: don’t even think about bringing a sibling to a birthday party. Asking the host is also rude. Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party today and I followed the DCUMs advice and left DS home with DH. I was quite surprised to see EVERY sibling at the party. Just thought I’d share. Please don’t always rely on the advice you are given here.

OP, I’ve been posting on the last few pages of this thread, and I agree with you.

A story: 8 years ago, I was pregnant. I had only lived in DC for a few years and hadn’t yet made any very close female friends and those I had formed friendships with had moved (DC life!). I asked on here, earnestly, if it would be weird to ask a woman I was forming a friendship with and really liked to host a baby shower/party. Like, I’d pay for it, but maybe she could send out the invites and be ‘hostess.’

People called me a selfish troll, couldn’t believe I was suggesting that, etc etc. Made mean comments about how it was so obvious why i didn’t have friends.

Well, TL,DR, I didn’t ask her (not directly). We got a drink and I made a passive comment about how I wasn’t going to have a shower because I didn’t know anyone who would host it (I cringe now!). She enthusiastically volunteered and said she’d love to and wished I had asked her earlier.

Now, she’s my best friend, I’ve been in her wedding, was the first adult to see her baby, was with her when she had cancer, we’ve traveled together, the works.

So, sometimes you have to (a) know your community, and (b) know yourself and your peers. And also recognize that there are some on DCUM who are narrow minded and nasty and project their insecurities onto others.

We're you bought up among wolves? There are no circumstances where it is appropriate to ask someone to have a party of any kind and if this was for anything other than a first child, it is even worse!

No need to rehash the thread from 8 years ago, but my point is that rudeness and norms are social group and culturally specific. And the US is not a monoculture. See: this thread.

I am not a "rude" person. In fact, I've been criticized by my friends and family in the past as being too reserved and have often had to push myself to move from superficial friendships to deeper ones. And to form a true relationship with someone, you need to be vulnerable and be willing to mess up and apologize when necessary.

And, the relevance to *this* topic is that again, rudeness and norms vary. So, know your community. Where I live sibling attendance at parties is expected, gift registries are commonly included on birthday party invitations (which are always electronic) and subsections of the class are typically invited. And there is *always* plastic crap and sugary candy in goodie bags. Many on this thread would be aghast at all of those norms. But, like OP said: DCUM is not doctrine and if you follow all of the rules you might regret it.

This is lovely advice. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted many kid parties. I don't explicitly state "siblings welcome" because I don't want a total free-for-all or to triple the size of the party, but if a parent has a special circumstance (single parent, spouse not home to watch other kids, etc.) I really don't mind if they ask about bringing a sibling and will accommodate if I can.

In 99% of cases I'd rather include the sibling than lose the invited child, but then my parties have always been pretty low-key. If for some reason I couldn't include the sibling I'd have no problem saying so (nicely), but I wouldn't resent being asked. It's not a wedding that costs $100+ pp.

I think that this is most people.

The “it’s rude to even ask” people are a small subset of people who are either trolls or offended by everything (if those are even two distinct categories of people).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted many kid parties. I don't explicitly state "siblings welcome" because I don't want a total free-for-all or to triple the size of the party, but if a parent has a special circumstance (single parent, spouse not home to watch other kids, etc.) I really don't mind if they ask about bringing a sibling and will accommodate if I can.

In 99% of cases I'd rather include the sibling than lose the invited child, but then my parties have always been pretty low-key. If for some reason I couldn't include the sibling I'd have no problem saying so (nicely), but I wouldn't resent being asked. It's not a wedding that costs $100+ pp.

I think that this is most people.

The “it’s rude to even ask” people are a small subset of people who are either trolls or offended by everything (if those are even two distinct categories of people).

If your neighbor has a party and you aren't invited, do you call and ask if you can attend? Probably as you see nothing wrong in asking if your other children can attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted many kid parties. I don't explicitly state "siblings welcome" because I don't want a total free-for-all or to triple the size of the party, but if a parent has a special circumstance (single parent, spouse not home to watch other kids, etc.) I really don't mind if they ask about bringing a sibling and will accommodate if I can.

In 99% of cases I'd rather include the sibling than lose the invited child, but then my parties have always been pretty low-key. If for some reason I couldn't include the sibling I'd have no problem saying so (nicely), but I wouldn't resent being asked. It's not a wedding that costs $100+ pp.

I think that this is most people.

The “it’s rude to even ask” people are a small subset of people who are either trolls or offended by everything (if those are even two distinct categories of people).

If your neighbor has a party and you aren't invited, do you call and ask if you can attend? Probably as you see nothing wrong in asking if your other children can attend.

You know, that’s pretty different than I inviting a kindergartner from her friend’s party because her mom doesn’t have childcare.

[Anonymous]

*disinviting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you went to a party where everyone else was rude does not mean you did the wrong thing or were given bad advice.

You are capable of critical thinking and reasoning, yes?

YES. don’t bring a sibling to a party unless they’re invited.

[Anonymous]

I’m probably the only person in this thread who has six kids. If the party is in a public place, I’ll take siblings, paying our own way if needed, and just stay out of the way.

The kids know not to get mumpy over not getting cake or goodie bags, because the first thing you teach kids in a big family is that it’s not the end of the world when they don’t get something their sibling gets, and they can trust it gets evened out over time.

For home parties, if a parent can’t go without siblings for some reason, we ask if we can just drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time this topic comes up here, the vote is unanimous: don’t even think about bringing a sibling to a birthday party. Asking the host is also rude. Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party today and I followed the DCUMs advice and left DS home with DH. I was quite surprised to see EVERY sibling at the party. Just thought I’d share. Please don’t always rely on the advice you are given here.

Unless the invitation specifically states siblings are invited, don't bring them! Obviously, you know some extraordinarily rude people who burden the rest of the world with their equally rude brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you went to a party where everyone else was rude does not mean you did the wrong thing or were given bad advice.

You are capable of critical thinking and reasoning, yes?

YES. don’t bring a sibling to a party unless they’re invited.

PLEASE DON'T. It happened a few months ago, I observed. Don't put this pressure on hosts.

[Anonymous]

I would never, ever write "I cannot accommodate siblings" on an invitation. I can't believe how rude white people are!!!

[Anonymous]

It should be assumed that you can't bring siblings. You shouldn't have to put it on the damn invite. But here we are.

[Anonymous]

Do 8 year old birthday kid and pals want 2,5, 6,10 year old kids not invited to be there too? Do you want to plan a party for 8 and get 15? Yikes.