Do not bring a sibling to a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

Aren’t most parties drop off by 6 years old?

I’m not saying that every parent is comfortable dropping off their 6 year old, but you really can’t handle one unaccompanied first grader? Does every child really need a parent with them?

Not where I live (I wish!). 6 year old parties expect parent(s).

One adult for each 6 year old in attendance seems entirely unnecessary. What in the world kind of party requires a 1:1 adult to kit ratio for age 6+?

I don’t get this either. If you can’t afford a sibling to come along, why not just offer to host the kid without a parent chaperone? Why is the kid now uninvited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, it is. It puts the host on the spot and feel pressured to say yes.

Astonishing that so many adults don’t understand this.

It's not hard to specify this on the invite to avoid awkward questions or feeling perceived pressured to say yes (astonishing how many adults don't know how to say "no" but anyway....). Either say "siblings are welcome" or "sorry, we cannot accommodate siblings."

DD was recently invited to a party where the invite specifically said that the invite was for the child + 2 adults. I'm not sure why 2 adults would need to accompany a 6yo to a party anyway but it's better to just be clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Ok. Then sounds like rsvp-ing no is the appropriate solution for you. You don’t want to pay for a sitter and the host doesn’t want to pay for you to bring extra kids. So not going is your only solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg this is my pet peeve! It is the height of rudeness to bring someone who is NOT on the invitation (or plus one)! My DH and I argue over this regularly. I refuse to bring my child’s sibling unless they are uniquely invited, and he thinks it’s totally normal to bring a sibling.

That’s because you are on DCUM too much. No one IRL really cares this much.

[Anonymous]

I definitely agree with the "read the room" sentiment. I wouldn't being my preschooler to a party that ES student was invited to. If DH was out of town or something, I'd probably ask if I could drop DC off or just decline the invite.

However, when the kids were younger and attended the same daycare, it was pretty common for entire families to attend. The invite would be sent to ME as an evite with no specificity as to whether the invitation was for my 1yo, 3yo, or both. But again, we all knew one another and they tended to be lower key parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, it is. It puts the host on the spot and feel pressured to say yes.

Astonishing that so many adults don’t understand this.

It's not hard to specify this on the invite to avoid awkward questions or feeling perceived pressured to say yes (astonishing how many adults don't know how to say "no" but anyway....). Either say "siblings are welcome" or "sorry, we cannot accommodate siblings."

DD was recently invited to a party where the invite specifically said that the invite was for the child + 2 adults. I'm not sure why 2 adults would need to accompany a 6yo to a party anyway but it's better to just be clear.

That’s obnoxious. I’d decline based on that alone. What parent thinks their 6 yr old is THAT important to others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, it is. It puts the host on the spot and feel pressured to say yes.

Astonishing that so many adults don’t understand this.

It's not hard to specify this on the invite to avoid awkward questions or feeling perceived pressured to say yes (astonishing how many adults don't know how to say "no" but anyway....). Either say "siblings are welcome" or "sorry, we cannot accommodate siblings."

DD was recently invited to a party where the invite specifically said that the invite was for the child + 2 adults. I'm not sure why 2 adults would need to accompany a 6yo to a party anyway but it's better to just be clear.

Agree!

There's this assumption that people are asking about siblings as a way to get a sneaky +1. Liiiiike, let me be honest here, I don't *really* want so desperately to attend your birthday party, if you say no it's not going to break my heart or my kids' heart. I'm just asking. I'd rather you just say "Yeah, sorry, we were hoping this party could really be for Larlo and his buddies so siblings aren't invited this time," than say yes and be resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Ummmm...ok.

She didn't know how to say that siblings were invited. Like by saying "siblings invited"?

[Anonymous]

I've hosted many kid parties. I don't explicitly state "siblings welcome" because I don't want a total free-for-all or to triple the size of the party, but if a parent has a special circumstance (single parent, spouse not home to watch other kids, etc.) I really don't mind if they ask about bringing a sibling and will accommodate if I can.

In 99% of cases I'd rather include the sibling than lose the invited child, but then my parties have always been pretty low-key. If for some reason I couldn't include the sibling I'd have no problem saying so (nicely), but I wouldn't resent being asked. It's not a wedding that costs $100+ pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted many kid parties. I don't explicitly state "siblings welcome" because I don't want a total free-for-all or to triple the size of the party, but if a parent has a special circumstance (single parent, spouse not home to watch other kids, etc.) I really don't mind if they ask about bringing a sibling and will accommodate if I can.

In 99% of cases I'd rather include the sibling than lose the invited child, but then my parties have always been pretty low-key. If for some reason I couldn't include the sibling I'd have no problem saying so (nicely), but I wouldn't resent being asked. It's not a wedding that costs $100+ pp.

This is what 99% of normal people in real life would agree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, it is. It puts the host on the spot and feel pressured to say yes.

Astonishing that so many adults don’t understand this.

It's not hard to specify this on the invite to avoid awkward questions or feeling perceived pressured to say yes (astonishing how many adults don't know how to say "no" but anyway....). Either say "siblings are welcome" or "sorry, we cannot accommodate siblings."

DD was recently invited to a party where the invite specifically said that the invite was for the child + 2 adults. I'm not sure why 2 adults would need to accompany a 6yo to a party anyway but it's better to just be clear.

That’s obnoxious. I’d decline based on that alone. What parent thinks their 6 yr old is THAT important to others?

huh?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

The person whose name is on invitation is the only person invited. Here is an example;

Johnny Johnson is invited to attend Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party.

If siblings are invited, then invitation would read:. "All Johnson children invited to Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party."

Do you understand the difference?

Here's another invitation etiquette:. Only the people's name written on both outside and inside are invited to wedding and reception
Example:. Outside envelope:. Mr. and Mrs. John Joseph Anderson, if family is invited inside envelope will say Mr. and Mrs
Johnson and family. Any one over age 16 should be sent a separate invitation. If no card is enclosed about reception then you are not invited to reception and no wedding present is expected.

The upshot is ONLY THOSE NAMED ARE INVITED!!!!!!!!?

Ok, thanks for screaming, it really made the point.

I have *never* received an invitation to a child's birthday party in an envelope. Every one my son has ever been invited to has been an email invitation and those all go to the parent's email. The name of the "invited" child has never been specified.
They always give you the option to specify the number of attendees in the RSVP. When my kid is older and the parties shrink in size and become drop off parties, I expect that will change. But right now, invitations take the form of the parent being invited via email to celebrate "Larlo's Sixth Birthday party at Skyzone."

But, maybe that's just because my local community is too poor to afford to send out paper invitations in envelopes? Or, too ignorant to invite people one by one? /s

Rich people baffle me sometimes.

NP. I have both sent and received Evites (or other electronic invitations) and many, many times they have specified the name of the child or children invited. (I have twins so sometimes I get an invitation for just one of them, who happens to be in the birthday child's class, and sometimes it is for both of them). I have also sent them with the child's name specified. It's very easy to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be embarrassed to be the person denying siblings or other parents attendance. Sure you can specify one child but people might still ask and it would be incredibly rude to say no you’re not welcome. What a letdown that would be for the original invitee to know they can’t go because their parents aren’t welcome. How ridiculously rude. If you can’t afford the party under the assumption that kids might have siblings and 2 parents then you shouldn’t be throwing a party. Or maybe just throw a dollar tree party and stop trying to impress people that don’t care by having parties at expensive venues when you clearly can’t really afford it.

What on earth?!? No, it is NOT my responsibility to host all six of your kids at my child's birthday party. That is beyond ridiculous for you to assume that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be embarrassed to be the person denying siblings or other parents attendance. Sure you can specify one child but people might still ask and it would be incredibly rude to say no you’re not welcome. What a letdown that would be for the original invitee to know they can’t go because their parents aren’t welcome. How ridiculously rude. If you can’t afford the party under the assumption that kids might have siblings and 2 parents then you shouldn’t be throwing a party. Or maybe just throw a dollar tree party and stop trying to impress people that don’t care by having parties at expensive venues when you clearly can’t really afford it.

Your reasoning is beyond convoluted. Take a course in manners and etiquette 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time this topic comes up here, the vote is unanimous: don’t even think about bringing a sibling to a birthday party. Asking the host is also rude. Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party today and I followed the DCUMs advice and left DS home with DH. I was quite surprised to see EVERY sibling at the party. Just thought I’d share. Please don’t always rely on the advice you are given here.

OP, I’ve been posting on the last few pages of this thread, and I agree with you.

A story: 8 years ago, I was pregnant. I had only lived in DC for a few years and hadn’t yet made any very close female friends and those I had formed friendships with had moved (DC life!). I asked on here, earnestly, if it would be weird to ask a woman I was forming a friendship with and really liked to host a baby shower/party. Like, I’d pay for it, but maybe she could send out the invites and be ‘hostess.’

People called me a selfish troll, couldn’t believe I was suggesting that, etc etc. Made mean comments about how it was so obvious why i didn’t have friends.

Well, TL,DR, I didn’t ask her (not directly). We got a drink and I made a passive comment about how I wasn’t going to have a shower because I didn’t know anyone who would host it (I cringe now!). She enthusiastically volunteered and said she’d love to and wished I had asked her earlier.

Now, she’s my best friend, I’ve been in her wedding, was the first adult to see her baby, was with her when she had cancer, we’ve traveled together, the works.

So, sometimes you have to (a) know your community, and (b) know yourself and your peers. And also recognize that there are some on DCUM who are narrow minded and nasty and project their insecurities onto others.

We're you bought up among wolves? There are no circumstances where it is appropriate to ask someone to have a party of any kind and if this was for anything other than a first child, it is even worse!