Why so much disgust felt towards men for dating significantly younger?

Anonymous
The girls I know who dated older guys did it for the $$ or job benefits. Huge ick factor. One was an affair with our boss who was married with kids. She eventually left him and got engaged and our boss made rude comments about her moving to Colorado. His wife was pregnant with 3rd at the time. The other slept with her friend’s Dad secretively and for the $$ perks. Gross. Cringe.
Anonymous
This is a few years old now, but shows that this notion of women going after meaningfully older men is bunk. For heterosexual couples, the average age difference is about 2.3 years. In 64% of couples the man is older, in 23% of marriages the woman is older, and in 13% if marriages they are within 12 months of each other. The couple where the man is 10+ years older than the woman is very much an outlier.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/whats-the-average-age-difference-in-a-couple/amp/
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


You couldn’t date either age range of women.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think about it. However, not going to date these old coots when they age out or are too broke to continue that nonsense. It takes a lack of maturity to go deeply younger.


Hahahhahhahhahhhahahaaahahahhaha!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


Just say you had a hard time finding people to date, sheesh.


I know, right?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


Lol. I have never once met a men who was “shamed” into dating someone.


More like shamed in to not dating younger which logically leaves the older cohort as the socially acceptable dating pool.


Have you really met a man who decided against dating somebody younger for the sole reason that people would judge him for it?


Oh yeah. I know a lot of guys who have been shamed out of chasing younger girls. Even when I was in law school and all my friends were 24-28 ish, they wouldn’t even date undergrads because they would have been mocked. I have a friend who is 38 who, last week, told me he shut things down with a 26 yr old because he’s too embarrassed to tell friends and family.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


Of course there are some who are and some who are not. In some cases the younger woman is taking advantage of the older man (or thinks that she is). I'm not sure what people in here are arguing about. Older men and younger women are free to make their own choices about who they date. Others are free to judge them for it.

While it is shame that years later some people seem to regret their experiences, I'm not sure what they would propose be done about it. I am genuinely interested in hearing what they would propose be done differently.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


Of course there are some who are and some who are not. In some cases the younger woman is taking advantage of the older man (or thinks that she is). I'm not sure what people in here are arguing about. Older men and younger women are free to make their own choices about who they date. Others are free to judge them for it.

While it is shame that years later some people seem to regret their experiences, I'm not sure what they would propose be done about it. I am genuinely interested in hearing what they would propose be done differently.


Nothing needs to be done differently. Society is already moving in the right direction of it being rarer and rarer.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. Never in my whole life did a large number of women in my age range go for older men. I’m in my mid 30s now. My whole life that’s been a weird fringe thing.


+1. Other than a couple of women who had very obvious emotional issues, I didn’t know any women who dated significantly older than them when I was in my 20s. Within a few years, sure, but nothing dramatic (and some dates/married men within a few years younger as well).


You were dating before the apps. It’s extremely common now.

As an older man who dates 20s, I like to test if they’ll introduce me to their friends or not. (Only care if they do because it shows they like me more; the relationship will never last longer term so don’t care beyond that)
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


Of course there are some who are and some who are not. In some cases the younger woman is taking advantage of the older man (or thinks that she is). I'm not sure what people in here are arguing about. Older men and younger women are free to make their own choices about who they date. Others are free to judge them for it.

While it is shame that years later some people seem to regret their experiences, I'm not sure what they would propose be done about it. I am genuinely interested in hearing what they would propose be done differently.


DP. Huh? I think people have been pretty clear that older people should not pretty upon younger people with emotional issues. If you do, society will judge you for it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. Never in my whole life did a large number of women in my age range go for older men. I’m in my mid 30s now. My whole life that’s been a weird fringe thing.


+1. Other than a couple of women who had very obvious emotional issues, I didn’t know any women who dated significantly older than them when I was in my 20s. Within a few years, sure, but nothing dramatic (and some dates/married men within a few years younger as well).


You were dating before the apps. It’s extremely common now.

As an older man who dates 20s, I like to test if they’ll introduce me to their friends or not. (Only care if they do because it shows they like me more; the relationship will never last longer term so don’t care beyond that)


Um, yes, there were dating apps when I was in my 20s. I met my husband through OLD.
Anonymous
Women often feel that they are only valued for their beauty. We often equate youth with beauty. I think some men are really into this idea and speak in a way that is disrespectful to women their age or older. They fetishize youth in their partners and dismiss all women over a certain age as ugly or gross. It’s understandable that these women would then be offended.

Even as a young woman I was grossed out by the whole “trade your 40 y/o wife in for two 20 y/os haha” joke. I think it perpetuates a tired and cruel idea that a woman’s worth is derived only from her beauty and that beauty can only exist for young women. I don’t think that all men who date younger women believe this but there is a loud and vocal group that does. I understand why they bother women of any age.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


You couldn’t date either age range of women.


Why the bitterness?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People using judgement as a way to cope and reconcile with their own regrettable life choices. Typical method these days of shaming men into compliance rather than being an adult and accepting the choices you made.


I see the incels have entered the chat. You all are pathetic! Get over yourselves!


I am a woman and don’t find the previous statement misogynistic or incel like. There are multiple women who posted to share these exact sentiments. They were naive 22 year olds with poor judgement who dated scumbag older men. In hindsight, they do indeed regret that choice. I’m not sure what is controversial about this.


You're misreading the comment you're agreeing with. He believes you are using judgment (calling them "scumbag older men") to cope with your regrettable life choices that led to being a lonely older woman who failed to lock down a "high value man."


No, I read it fine and still agree with it. Naive 22 year old women get with older scumbag older men. Only years later they regret the decision and describe how the older guy was a scumbag who they now feel took advantage of them.


Do you not think a 35yo (+) man is taking advantage when “dating” women 10+ years younger?


This is absurd and ridiculous! Of course not. All of this talk is nothing but a sleight of hand for selfish women to manipulate the dating and marriage market in their favor to accommodate all of their wishes and desires. Nothing at all wrong with a 40 year old dating a 28 year old. A lot of women just want to preserve men in their age cohort for themselves using bs like "predatory" and other shaming crap to accomplish it.


100% this. When a man is in his teens/early 20's he is forced to sit by and watch as large percentages of women his age go for the older guys, then once he reaches his 30's he is supposed to go for the same women who ignored him when he was younger, who have now aged significantly and are no longer as attractive. These women use shaming tactics to coerce men into dating older than they normally would. Of course not all men have the option to date 25 year olds when they are 35+, you need to have something that makes you attractive whether it be wealth, looks, confidence, or some combination of these. But those men who do have the ability to date younger should not be shamed for it.


You couldn’t date either age range of women.


Why the bitterness?


Poster could just said he couldn’t find someone to date him.
Anonymous
Predatory, shameful old man checking back in. Just got from lunch with a 28-year old exploring career options. She didn't seem to mind my presence much.
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