Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still so little (8, 6, and 3) that is impossible to tell. I am also raising them thinking that a family is important and that healthy relationship (like I believe their dad and I have), is important.

That said, my parents have a great relationship and raised my brother and I to want that for ourselves, but we did not both have that. We both married youngish (28 and 30), but while I picked a good man and we have a good relationship, my brother chose a crazy and hateful woman and is not getting divorced.

Ha! 28 and 30 isnt young to get married...perfectly fine but not that young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, DD is not a nice person and has a lot of problems, she is mean, selfish, impatient, messy, with low self esteem, poor social skills, anxieties…

I suppose you are going to say you had no hand in how she became like this? It is no fault of you or your spouse?

[Anonymous]

I worry about this. I have come to the realization that they are going to go outside my comfort zone and made peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still so little (8, 6, and 3) that is impossible to tell. I am also raising them thinking that a family is important and that healthy relationship (like I believe their dad and I have), is important.

That said, my parents have a great relationship and raised my brother and I to want that for ourselves, but we did not both have that. We both married youngish (28 and 30), but while I picked a good man and we have a good relationship, my brother chose a crazy and hateful woman and is not getting divorced.

Ha! 28 and 30 isnt young to get married...perfectly fine but not that young.

It’s still youngish though puberty hits around 12 so long way from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.

No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.

He may find a nice bossy girl who likes to organize everything to her own liking, that could work well for both.

My parents had this dynamic. Eventually my mom got tired of having a perpetual teenager in the house and filed for divorce.

I love how someone with a base level of organizing and staying on time gets called Bossy relative to someone with no executive functioning skills. Fun times.

Feel free to put your own nasty spin on it, PP! My daughter is bossy - meaning, she makes demands, orders everyone around and gets irritable and unpleasant when we don't all spring to attention. She is also highly functional, which I think partly explains it. It's a source of irritation to her to be surrounded by less-functional people. Patience is what she needs to work on. My son needs to work on being more social, multi-tasking (very hard!) and generally look out of his own head once in a while.

What’s this “orders people around” stuff? If people knew what needed to be done, did it, and did it correctly, there would be little need for someone to remind them or order them to do what’s needed.

Ordering someone to pick up after themselves, or mind the kids, or help the guests should be needed. There’s a different underlying problem.

Ordering someone to do a bunch of whims is unnecessary. Can’t even think of an example. Couples should in the same page about what needs to be done daily, weekly, project wise.

[Anonymous]

I hope she does, but I am not raising her to have the expectation that being partnered is the norm, and it's bad/something's wrong if you aren't. More than anything, I want her to learn that there is nothing wrong with being single, and to enjoy her own company. I do not want her to settle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.

No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.

He may find a nice bossy girl who likes to organize everything to her own liking, that could work well for both.

My parents had this dynamic. Eventually my mom got tired of having a perpetual teenager in the house and filed for divorce.

I love how someone with a base level of organizing and staying on time gets called Bossy relative to someone with no executive functioning skills. Fun times.

Feel free to put your own nasty spin on it, PP! My daughter is bossy - meaning, she makes demands, orders everyone around and gets irritable and unpleasant when we don't all spring to attention. She is also highly functional, which I think partly explains it. It's a source of irritation to her to be surrounded by less-functional people. Patience is what she needs to work on. My son needs to work on being more social, multi-tasking (very hard!) and generally look out of his own head once in a while.

What’s this “orders people around” stuff? If people knew what needed to be done, did it, and did it correctly, there would be little need for someone to remind them or order them to do what’s needed.

Ordering someone to pick up after themselves, or mind the kids, or help the guests should be needed. There’s a different underlying problem.

Ordering someone to do a bunch of whims is unnecessary. Can’t even think of an example. Couples should in the same page about what needs to be done daily, weekly, project wise.

Shouldn’t be needed.

[Anonymous]

Parents put too much pressure on themselves, you have no control over how your child’s or even your own marriage is going to progress. Just raise them to be loving and accommodating. Don’t try to plan every aspect to perfection, because you just can’t.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. Hopefully they will. How their life can go wrong can only hurt my heart if I am alive. I intend to be dead much before that.

[Anonymous]

I think our current household dynamic proves to our daughters that if you want kids and no deadweight partner who has temper tantrums when told to fix his messes, just have a kid in your own and don’t get married or tethered to a male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, DD is not a nice person and has a lot of problems, she is mean, selfish, impatient, messy, with low self esteem, poor social skills, anxieties…

I suppose you are going to say you had no hand in how she became like this? It is no fault of you or your spouse?

Family life plays a big role in children’s psychology but let’s not forget that parents are also flawed human beings with limited control over their own psychology. There should be tests to help people understand if they are parent material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think our current household dynamic proves to our daughters that if you want kids and no deadweight partner who has temper tantrums when told to fix his messes, just have a kid in your own and don’t get married or tethered to a male.

It’s not like being a single parent with a full time job is a perfect situation for parent or children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, DD is not a nice person and has a lot of problems, she is mean, selfish, impatient, messy, with low self esteem, poor social skills, anxieties…

I suppose you are going to say you had no hand in how she became like this? It is no fault of you or your spouse?

Nature vs nurturer can be a tough test for some parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still so little (8, 6, and 3) that is impossible to tell. I am also raising them thinking that a family is important and that healthy relationship (like I believe their dad and I have), is important.

That said, my parents have a great relationship and raised my brother and I to want that for ourselves, but we did not both have that. We both married youngish (28 and 30), but while I picked a good man and we have a good relationship, my brother chose a crazy and hateful woman and is not getting divorced.

Ha! 28 and 30 isnt young to get married...perfectly fine but not that young.

It’s still youngish though puberty hits around 12 so long way from that.

I got married at 24. That is young in my opinion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, DD is not a nice person and has a lot of problems, she is mean, selfish, impatient, messy, with low self esteem, poor social skills, anxieties…

I suppose you are going to say you had no hand in how she became like this? It is no fault of you or your spouse?

Nature vs nurturer can be a tough test for some parents.

Some nature but nurture does play a part!