Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still so little (8, 6, and 3) that is impossible to tell. I am also raising them thinking that a family is important and that healthy relationship (like I believe their dad and I have), is important.

That said, my parents have a great relationship and raised my brother and I to want that for ourselves, but we did not both have that. We both married youngish (28 and 30), but while I picked a good man and we have a good relationship, my brother chose a crazy and hateful woman and is not getting divorced.

Ha! 28 and 30 isnt young to get married...perfectly fine but not that young.

It’s still youngish though puberty hits around 12 so long way from that.

I got married at 24. That is young in my opinion!

If we consider biology, <19 is young, 20-30 on time and >30 as bit late but whatever works for a couple is their norm, doesn’t matter if it seems early or late to others.

[Anonymous]

A young person of average health and intelligence has a college degree and ability to earn a basic living at 21-23. What else you want to achieve on top of that and how long you wait to start a family is a personal preference. Heck, if you never want to do it, it’s perfectly fine. You were not born to meet other people’s expectations, just your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A young person of average health and intelligence has a college degree and ability to earn a basic living at 21-23. What else you want to achieve on top of that and how long you wait to start a family is a personal preference. Heck, if you never want to do it, it’s perfectly fine. You were not born to meet other people’s expectations, just your own.

Yup but unless they had poor parents making them eligible for aid or affluent parents paying their bills, they have debt and loans. Merit scholarship may pay part or full but usually not at colleges of your choice.

[Anonymous]

I hope so but who knows. I’m watching my college DD navigate this right now. After many years in a relationship that wasn’t very healthy (not dangerous, but she served a life raft function that was too much for her) she is with someone and has a connection now that feels much better and healthier from what I can see. They are young still, I don’t expect this is going to be the big one, but I feel like I have watched her grow and mature and figure out what she needs it is good for her and to me that’s a sign that she’s moving in the direction of being able to figure out a long-term partnership with someone as an adult.

[Anonymous]

I think for any relationship to be considered serious, both should be honest and on same page. No one should make other person waste their their precious years under wrong impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All we can do is do our best to make our boys into empathetic, competent, resilient people so that if they have the luck/opportunity to meet a great partner, they are able to be a great partner.

I don't think I could have ever predicted I'd be so happily married (as a child of a nasty divorce) but I hope that my DH and I are demonstrating to our kids that respectful, loving, and fun marriages are possible and worth the effort! (and we've been together for 20 years, so it's not the honeymoon stage!)

I have discussions with my daughter about being a good partner, about fair ways to argue, about forgiveness and reconciliation and compromise. It’s not just a topic for our sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All we can do is do our best to make our boys into empathetic, competent, resilient people so that if they have the luck/opportunity to meet a great partner, they are able to be a great partner.

I don't think I could have ever predicted I'd be so happily married (as a child of a nasty divorce) but I hope that my DH and I are demonstrating to our kids that respectful, loving, and fun marriages are possible and worth the effort! (and we've been together for 20 years, so it's not the honeymoon stage!)

I have discussions with my daughter about being a good partner, about fair ways to argue, about forgiveness and reconciliation and compromise. It’s not just a topic for our sons.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still so little (8, 6, and 3) that is impossible to tell. I am also raising them thinking that a family is important and that healthy relationship (like I believe their dad and I have), is important.

That said, my parents have a great relationship and raised my brother and I to want that for ourselves, but we did not both have that. We both married youngish (28 and 30), but while I picked a good man and we have a good relationship, my brother chose a crazy and hateful woman and is not getting divorced.

Ha! 28 and 30 isnt young to get married...perfectly fine but not that young.

It’s still youngish though puberty hits around 12 so long way from that.

I got married at 24. That is young in my opinion!

If we consider biology, <19 is young, 20-30 on time and >30 as bit late but whatever works for a couple is their norm, doesn’t matter if it seems early or late to others.

We are mostly late bloomers in my family. All over thirty. I was 30 and the youngest in my family to get married (including my parents). At 33, I was the youngest to have children (including my parents). My children are 22 and 24 and have not yet dated- so they are either going to remain single or be like the others in the family that came before them. To give context, my maternal grandfather was born in 1888.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All we can do is do our best to make our boys into empathetic, competent, resilient people so that if they have the luck/opportunity to meet a great partner, they are able to be a great partner.

I don't think I could have ever predicted I'd be so happily married (as a child of a nasty divorce) but I hope that my DH and I are demonstrating to our kids that respectful, loving, and fun marriages are possible and worth the effort! (and we've been together for 20 years, so it's not the honeymoon stage!)

I have discussions with my daughter about being a good partner, about fair ways to argue, about forgiveness and reconciliation and compromise. It’s not just a topic for our sons.

Why?

Because I believe it’s part of parenting. Not everything in a relationship (whether a friendship or romantic one) will go your way, and everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to say sorry when you hurt someone even if it’s a mistake, and forgiveness and moving on is something everyone has to work on - it doesn’t come easily. These are all lessons a parent teaches a child organically over time, and models as part of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents put too much pressure on themselves, you have no control over how your child’s or even your own marriage is going to progress. Just raise them to be loving and accommodating. Don’t try to plan every aspect to perfection, because you just can’t.

I agree with you about parents overestimating the control/influence they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All we can do is do our best to make our boys into empathetic, competent, resilient people so that if they have the luck/opportunity to meet a great partner, they are able to be a great partner.

I don't think I could have ever predicted I'd be so happily married (as a child of a nasty divorce) but I hope that my DH and I are demonstrating to our kids that respectful, loving, and fun marriages are possible and worth the effort! (and we've been together for 20 years, so it's not the honeymoon stage!)

I have discussions with my daughter about being a good partner, about fair ways to argue, about forgiveness and reconciliation and compromise. It’s not just a topic for our sons.

Why?

Because I believe it’s part of parenting. Not everything in a relationship (whether a friendship or romantic one) will go your way, and everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to say sorry when you hurt someone even if it’s a mistake, and forgiveness and moving on is something everyone has to work on - it doesn’t come easily. These are all lessons a parent teaches a child organically over time, and models as part of a marriage.

Sorry. I read, “not just a topic for our sons” as “not a topic for our sons”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents put too much pressure on themselves, you have no control over how your child’s or even your own marriage is going to progress. Just raise them to be loving and accommodating. Don’t try to plan every aspect to perfection, because you just can’t.

I agree with you about parents overestimating the control/influence they have.

Overestimating is understandable but overexerting themselves in relationships of their grown 18+ adults is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

It’s a bit odd how parents find it okay to meddle in romantic relationships of other adults. A lot of controlling issues hide behind “but their prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed yet.”

[Anonymous]

I see less parents concerned about <25 kids going to war or driving drunk then early marriages.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. I'm not sure if they will get married and/or have kids. Millennials and Zers are not having a lot of kids.