Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships

[Anonymous]

Well, sincere love and loyalty doesn’t hold as much value as it used to. Now self-interest trumps it all. Partners leave relationship and marriages for all sort of trivial reasons instead of making it work. Going to different colleges, going to different grad schools, jobs in different towns, opportunities in another state, lead to looking for new relationships because neither party sees their relationship as worthy of any sacrifice.

Priorities have changed and for good reason, no one can count on other person stay loyal. Gone are the days when spouses left their support network and careers to move to other towns let alone, other states, countries or continents. It doesn’t work that way now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, especially when they are in college/ grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!

Please tell me you aren’t really telling them that they need to get married and have kids to be happy, or that one of the goals of college is to find a wife.

It doesn’t matter much what she is telling as whole society is telling them they don’t need marriage or kids to be happy, all high school and college relationships must end and self interest is the biggest virtue.

[Anonymous]

Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was blowing steam about how her only nephew has gotten into a relationship with someone with lots of personality, family and financial issues and how stressed his family is about this. It seems lately everything I hear or read shows young generation struggling with, mental health, existential crisis, identity struggles, gender issues, debt and overspending problems, dating dilemmas, lack of patience and fidelity, relationship issues, denial of alcoholism, disinterest in children, divorces etc. If you have young adults, what do you see on ground? Is it going to be hard to find loving partners and have trustworthy long term relationships?

I do think my kids will find good partners/happy relationships.

My DS1 is mid-20s. He's happy, hard-working, doesn't appear to have any issues with money or substances, and is in a relationship with a lovely young woman. (They've been together for almost 2 years and were friends before that.) He is planning to go to grad school and so I don't know what the future holds for him and his current partner, but I have no doubt about his ability to navigate a long-distance relationship with her if that's what they choose, or to find a wonderful someone else if they ultimately decide to part ways. I would be quite happy if they stayed together. I could see him going either way on kids--maybe, maybe not.

My DS2 is 19, also seems to have a very good head on his shoulders--has had no mental health or other struggles at all. I don't think he's ever had a real girlfriend, TBH, but he does have good taste in friends--he's a good judge of character IMO. He does want to marry and have children. When he was looking at colleges, one of the things he was looking for was "a place where I might meet my future wife" LOL.

I do worry about whether they will be able to afford the lifestyles they seek if they have kids--housing and childcare is so expensive. I'm hoping that we all end up settled near one another in a less expensive small city, where DH and I can be helpful to them if they do have children (and even if they don't). (They have talked about us needing a "family compound" a la the Kennedys, LOL.)

We do know lots of teens and young adults who are struggling, and I am so, so grateful that my kids seem on solid ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

Once’s which lasted beyond that ending between 45-55 when kids leave for college.

[Anonymous]

I hope they find good partners and have happy relations. However, the odds are not good.

I am from a big family, and there are a total of about 3 marriages that are happy. Most of the men suck, honestly (No, I am not a manhater. I love my husband, but let's be real: men are too selfish)

The odds are not in my daughters' favor. I think if they were to expand their options to women, they might increase their chances of finding someone decent.

[Anonymous]

I think most people want sex and romance and even wedding and honeymoon period, not many want real responsibilities or restrictions which come with being in a marriage or a committed relationship. Homeownership, wish for an Instagram lifestyle and responsibility of children makes it even more difficult to juggle life and careers. Even if you put your 100%, other person may not or stop anytime, leaving you with a mess and regrets.

[Anonymous]

Young people don’t have good role models, from politicians to priests to celebrities, people are either hopping from one partner to the next or cheating on their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

i think it happens in clumps. Some groups divorce more than others.


My college friends and DHs college friends are mostly still married. I have one friend who married and divorced quickly -within 3 years, but has been married to his second wife for almost 25 years. The rest are all still married some over 30 years. We were 25-35 in ages.

DH’s siblings and my siblings are all still married to our spouses. Among my first cousins (8), one had a marriage that only lasted a few years, but he has been married 30 years to his second wife all the rest, but one (who never married) are still married to their first spouse. DH has 9 first cousins, one never married and 7 are still married to their first spouse. One is divorced 2x and currently in a long term relationship for the past ten years, I doubt she will ever remarry. She would still be married to her first DH if he did not return to Chile as he never really acclimated to our climate. All of our aunts and uncles were married for 50+ years.

Some are religious and some are not.

[Anonymous]

Yes. DD is 19 and has her second boyfriend. Seems like a nice guy - goes to school and works two jobs. He's polite to me, kind to DD, can cook, seems like a good person. From things DD has told me, he's body positive which is sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if they do marry, what are the odds of them staying in one for more than 10 years?

Yup. Most marriages around me started between 27-37 and ended within 1-10 years.

I'm the PP with three girls who got married in their mid-20s. One is already well past the 10 year mark; the second is getting close; and the third has maybe 4 years behind her. And they're all fine, with zero indication of any serious relationship problems whatsoever. Why is everybody so cynical and dysfunctional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young people don’t have good role models, from politicians to priests to celebrities, people are either hopping from one partner to the next or cheating on their spouses.

Funny how you left out their own parents. Kids are influenced by their parents more than anyone else. And it's not just about cheating parents either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s tough to find good partners and tough for them to hold on to each other. Parents wanting educated, accomplished, polite, understanding, supportive, debt free, failed relationship history free, partners from financially stable, divorce free, drama free families. In current dating environment, it’s like winning jackpot.

I keep thinking that parents will do most anything to help their child thrive and launch successfully. There is such an emphasis on providing one's child with a good education and with experiences that expose them to the world they live in. Yet, I feel there are not many (any?) resources of how to teach our children how to choose a life partner; a decision that has as much if not more impact on their future lives than the college they attend. Of course over the years I discuss with my kids and bestow our family's values but where are the "prep classes" for how to select a future partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young people don’t have good role models, from politicians to priests to celebrities, people are either hopping from one partner to the next or cheating on their spouses.

Who looks to politicians, celebrities, or.... uh.... priests as relationship role models? Also, I grew up in the 80s and 90s with Reagan (on his second wife), Bill Clinton (I don't need to explain), and celebrities were doing every bit as much bed hopping, cheating, divorcing, etc., as they are now. One of the biggest celebrity couples of my youth was Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain. Even the wholesome posters weren't in successful relationships. How many girlfriends did Justin Timberlake have? He actually seems more romantically stable now.

People should find relationship role models in their own communities. Parents, obviously, play a big role. But older siblings with strong, respectful marriages can have a great impact. So can meeting your friends parents and seeing them have good relationships. My own parents are still married but don't have what I would consider a model relationship (not abusive, but not particularly loving, and my dad in particular can be very selfish while my mom has a martyrdom complex). However, I know exactly the kind of relationship I want and I have it for the most part. I looked to family, friends, bosses, mentors, etc. to think about what kind of relationship I wanted.

If you are fixated on celebrity gossip or political marriages as a model for the life you should leave, the problem isn't "no good examples." It's poor judgment.