Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships

[Anonymous]

I dream about my HFA son finding a HFA woman to marry. Kind of ironic as I know most people on here would hate a DIL like that.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, especially when they are in college/ grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!

Now did you also teach them that said “nice girl” is entitled to her own career and dreams beyond being a mother and housekeeper? Too many boys being raised to find “nice girls” yet expecting them to throw away their careers to support men’s careers, especially after children.

Wow. Project much? You've got problems and they aren't the PP you're responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, [i]especially when they are in college/ [b]grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!

Yeah, no, still meaningless hookups in undergrad. Holding out hope for grad or professional school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.

No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.

No one is perfect. Not even you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, [i]especially when they are in college/ [b]grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!

Yeah, no, still meaningless hookups in undergrad. Holding out hope for grad or professional school.

Dating scene is pretty horrible everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.

No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.

No one is perfect. Not even you, PP.

I love how they gloss over the bossy daughter and just straight to the problems with the son (even considering that the boy has a diagnosis!)

Sure, he'll need to learn how to organize his life.

But daughter will need to learn how to compromise and relinquish some control as well. To be honest, that's going to be a harder change for the daughter than the son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was blowing steam about how her only nephew has gotten into a relationship with someone with lots of personality, family and financial issues and how stressed his family is about this. It seems lately everything I hear or read shows young generation struggling with, mental health, existential crisis, identity struggles, gender issues, debt and overspending problems, dating dilemmas, lack of patience and fidelity, relationship issues, denial of alcoholism, disinterest in children, divorces etc. If you have young adults, what do you see on ground? Is it going to be hard to find loving partners and have trustworthy long term relationships?

By the look of relationship forum, it seems highly unlikely.

[Anonymous]

There is no happily ever after for most cases. Average American goes into a marriage after at least 10-20 dates/hook up partners, 2-3 failed relationships, break up with at least one loving parter because timing/distance didn't align and even after all that 1/3 divorce, 1/3 stay in unhappy marriages, only 1/3 marriages can be successful. Is it really worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no happily ever after for most cases. Average American goes into a marriage after at least 10-20 dates/hook up partners, 2-3 failed relationships, break up with at least one loving parter because timing/distance didn't align and even after all that 1/3 divorce, 1/3 stay in unhappy marriages, only 1/3 marriages can be successful. Is it really worth it?

If they ask, real mutual love is a rare find, take a chance on it. Ones who doesn't experience it, cant even begin to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no happily ever after for most cases. Average American goes into a marriage after at least 10-20 dates/hook up partners, 2-3 failed relationships, break up with at least one loving parter because timing/distance didn't align and even after all that 1/3 divorce, 1/3 stay in unhappy marriages, only 1/3 marriages can be successful. Is it really worth it?

If they ask, real mutual love is a rare find, take a chance on it. Ones who doesn't experience it, cant even begin to understand.

I hear you but I think you can have real mutual love but not be able to coexist because both partners aren't able to do adjust their behaviors. I think that large parts of staying married revolve around learned behaviors that your own parents modeled for you or the ability to adapt your behavior to value the commitment. People coming from homes where parents were divorced seem much more likely to enter marriage and then divorce themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.

No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.

No one is perfect. Not even you, PP.

I love how they gloss over the bossy daughter and just straight to the problems with the son (even considering that the boy has a diagnosis!)

Sure, he'll need to learn how to organize his life.

But daughter will need to learn how to compromise and relinquish some control as well. To be honest, that's going to be a harder change for the daughter than the son.

PP. I said it especially because the boy has a diagnosis. This is what his mom sounds like: my son has a problem with X activity of daily living, so he needs to find a spouse to do it for him. Is the boy going to view the hypothetical spouse (most likely a wife) in question as a human or just an instrument to solve his needs?

If this makes me ableist, so be it.

[Anonymous]

DS is only 11 but I am pessimistic. First, he certainly won’t make an ideal partner; second, there are many more people with issues than without them, so what are the chances he is smart enough to walk away from issues too big to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dream about my HFA son finding a HFA woman to marry. Kind of ironic as I know most people on here would hate a DIL like that.

I have an NT son and I would much prefer an HFA DIL to someone NT but high drama, selfish, with a host of family issues etc

[Anonymous]

If they find a compatible partner from a supportive family, chances are better for them to workout life issues. If their relationship is friendship based instead of adoration of good looks, its likely to better. No one should marry anyone until they've been together of one year and know each other well enough to make a long term committment.