Daycare and aftercare - do you feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They are social little boogers and it's good for them.

My kid isn't. Daycare drains her. She's a little ray of sunshine at home but at daycare the room is never quiet and she's either playing in a corner by herself, crying, or playing with one or two of her close friends according to her teacher she doesn't like to make choices during the game and lets her friends do everything for her. She did great with her nanny so we're considering me becoming a SAHM or going back to a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Not a smidge. My two (DS-3 and DD-20 months) love their daycare, and I'm happy to have found a place that works for both of them. So much so that when they were both out sick last week with colds, they were asking when they can go back to school! DS is very chatty and social, and he really seems to thrive in a group setting and the structured preschool day. DD is a little more introverted and has a calmer personality, but she's doing quite well in the infant/toddler room, which has 5 other children under 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They are social little boogers and it's good for them.

My kid isn't. Daycare drains her. She's a little ray of sunshine at home but at daycare the room is never quiet and she's either playing in a corner by herself, crying, or playing with one or two of her close friends according to her teacher she doesn't like to make choices during the game and lets her friends do everything for her. She did great with her nanny so we're considering me becoming a SAHM or going back to a nanny.

Wont going back to a nanny not help her learn how to nagioin big settings as she will be doing it in school, starting in kindergarten?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They are social little boogers and it's good for them.

My kid isn't. Daycare drains her. She's a little ray of sunshine at home but at daycare the room is never quiet and she's either playing in a corner by herself, crying, or playing with one or two of her close friends according to her teacher she doesn't like to make choices during the game and lets her friends do everything for her. She did great with her nanny so we're considering me becoming a SAHM or going back to a nanny.

Wont going back to a nanny not help her learn how to nagioin big settings as she will be doing it in school, starting in kindergarten?

I meant navigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a smidge. My two (DS-3 and DD-20 months) love their daycare, and I'm happy to have found a place that works for both of them. So much so that when they were both out sick last week with colds, they were asking when they can go back to school! DS is very chatty and social, and he really seems to thrive in a group setting and the structured preschool day. DD is a little more introverted and has a calmer personality, but she's doing quite well in the infant/toddler room, which has 5 other children under 2.

My 2 kids eventually loved their care.

I will never forget how my then 2yo cried all day and fell asleep exhausted during the initial days. It broke my heart to leave him there.

I had a third child and am home with her. I feel bad that my boys’ early years just slipped away. It was a blur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They are social little boogers and it's good for them.

My kid isn't. Daycare drains her. She's a little ray of sunshine at home but at daycare the room is never quiet and she's either playing in a corner by herself, crying, or playing with one or two of her close friends according to her teacher she doesn't like to make choices during the game and lets her friends do everything for her. She did great with her nanny so we're considering me becoming a SAHM or going back to a nanny.

Wont going back to a nanny not help her learn how to nagioin big settings as she will be doing it in school, starting in kindergarten?

We're not entirely sure we will put her in school come kindergarten (we might homeschool) but even if we do I want to focus on the problem we have right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think your experience (feeling guilty or not) has to do with how outgoing your kid is? My first two are introverts and really crave the quiet, my second two are super social. I felt so guilty about leaving my oldest two, and not at all with my youngest. I imagine it has to do as well with being a more experienced mom and I knew a few hours here and there of less than ideal wouldn’t kill them… but I just keep reading the posts that say, my child made so many friends/hates when I pick them up etc… and that is only true if your kid likes being in a group, no?

Truly curious.

Mostly SAHM but worked part time when they were young and now work 3/4 time.

Absolutely. I could not imagine feeling guilty with my oldest (now a high school athlete likely to play in college), who literally toddled to the front door asking to go every morning. They had a great yard and he literally ran in circles there every day. He used to beg to stay when I picked him up after he ran over and gave me a big hug. It was cute. In hindsight, of course he loved it. Home was too confining and parks didn't provide the same variety of physical activity. He was a very social athlete even as a toddler who needed an unusual amount of physical activity to be happy. That is still who he is (and he still runs over to give me hugs then runs off).

My close friend had a baby at same time who was an introvert, now a likely college math major. He hated daycare. She eventually changed her schedule because he never liked it. To this day, he is a quiet sweet homebody.

I think people generalize their kids to all kids (and the judgmental ones are nasty about it), but personality is huge here.

[Anonymous]

I think that at the end of the day it all depends on your experience with daycare. I was raised by a SAHM but then my parents got divorced and she was forced to get a summer job to save money in between first and second grade. I hated daycare. The schedule was repetitive, there was nothing to do, and I missed my mom. Because of that I don't have the best view of daycare and think kids are better off with one-on-one time with a trusted adult who can take them places to break up the day, like the library or the children's museum. People who grew up in daycare might have better experiences than me which would lead them to re-create that experience for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that at the end of the day it all depends on your experience with daycare. I was raised by a SAHM but then my parents got divorced and she was forced to get a summer job to save money in between first and second grade. I hated daycare. The schedule was repetitive, there was nothing to do, and I missed my mom. Because of that I don't have the best view of daycare and think kids are better off with one-on-one time with a trusted adult who can take them places to break up the day, like the library or the children's museum. People who grew up in daycare might have better experiences than me which would lead them to re-create that experience for their kids.

I also think it has something to do with your kid's personality. If your kid is super extroverted and bouncing off the walls and playing outside and has lots of friends, they're going to be better off than the quiet naturally introverted kid playing in the corner. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd want to pay for my kid to sit by themselves and not socialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that at the end of the day it all depends on your experience with daycare. I was raised by a SAHM but then my parents got divorced and she was forced to get a summer job to save money in between first and second grade. I hated daycare. The schedule was repetitive, there was nothing to do, and I missed my mom. Because of that I don't have the best view of daycare and think kids are better off with one-on-one time with a trusted adult who can take them places to break up the day, like the library or the children's museum. People who grew up in daycare might have better experiences than me which would lead them to re-create that experience for their kids.

I'm the PP above with the athlete and I had a SAHM. My goodness, my child would have been miserable with your library and children's museum schedule. I know, actually, because at one point I stayed home and tried that for awhile (because of a job change) and he just seemed deflated. Visiting the museum with me was nowhere near as fun as running around with his friends.

Different kids, different experiences.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I feel guilty my kids do not attend when so many of their friends do.

[Anonymous]

For a 3 year old I would not feel guilty about daycare.

With my first we lived in a big city (not DC) and had a full-time nanny. When she was 1-4 it was great. They were so many activities like music classes, soccer, gymnastics, play places, storytime, etc. She was able to go to things at times that best fit her schedule. She liked to sleep in (wake-up between 7-8) and that meant that I didn't have to wake her up to get ready to drop her off. She met plenty of kids at the big playgrounds and splash pads. But around 3 I noticed that she needed more structure and enjoyed being around kids alot more.

My second just turned 3 and we have since moved to the suburbs and its the pandemic. There just aren't as many options for things to do and ways to fill the day that we are comfortable with and I could tell my son needed to be around other kids. We started him in full-time daycare in the fall and its been amazing. So many of the things that my daughter did all over the city is incorporated into his day at daycare. They bring in someone to do a soccer class, gymnastics class, and cooking class. All in their space and all with his classmates so the risk is much less than if I tried to take him to all those things on the weekend or afterschool. They have a ton of outdoor space to explore and multiple playgrounds. He's making friends and he really loves going there everyday.

The only times I feel guilty is when it's the day before a holiday or long weekend and I'm not able to get him early because I have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They are social little boogers and it's good for them.

My kid isn't. Daycare drains her. She's a little ray of sunshine at home but at daycare the room is never quiet and she's either playing in a corner by herself, crying, or playing with one or two of her close friends according to her teacher she doesn't like to make choices during the game and lets her friends do everything for her. She did great with her nanny so we're considering me becoming a SAHM or going back to a nanny.

Wont going back to a nanny not help her learn how to nagioin big settings as she will be doing it in school, starting in kindergarten?

We're not entirely sure we will put her in school come kindergarten (we might homeschool) but even if we do I want to focus on the problem we have right now.

DP. Also, daycare (assuming covering a full work day) is a much longer day than school/kindergarden (w/out aftercare).

To answer OP, absolutely not. I wouldn't mind picking her up after nap time though, it can be a long day, and we "only" use care 8:30-4:30. Which is 8 hours, but to cover a normal work day & lunch & commutes, it would be even longer to cover. (We shift our schedules a bit to allow a shorter day.)

Kid is a little shy, but social and really loves all of the activities and art and other kids.

[Anonymous]

I work at an aftercare that also has care on no school days. Last month on a no school day, a dad dropped his son off bright and early, first kid there, and then said "well, I don't have work today! I'm going back to bed." Felt so bad for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work at an aftercare that also has care on no school days. Last month on a no school day, a dad dropped his son off bright and early, first kid there, and then said "well, I don't have work today! I'm going back to bed." Felt so bad for the kid.

Why?