Daycare and aftercare - do you feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

Plus kid is an old lady and really loves less structured time with others. She wants to spend at least an hour or two at aftercare.

THIS. My kid gets mad if we pick her up early. She has fun there; more fun than just hanging out the house an extra 1-2 hours.

A major benefit I did not expect from after care is the extra time with different kids. My DD has a couple girls she thinks of as her BFFs but they don’t go to aftercare so she has made a whole second set of friends. Very nice for her when there is drama in one group! Our school has KAH and it is great so that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

Plus kid is an old lady and really loves less structured time with others. She wants to spend at least an hour or two at aftercare.

THIS. My kid gets mad if we pick her up early. She has fun there; more fun than just hanging out the house an extra 1-2 hours.

A major benefit I did not expect from after care is the extra time with different kids. My DD has a couple girls she thinks of as her BFFs but they don’t go to aftercare so she has made a whole second set of friends. Very nice for her when there is drama in one group! Our school has KAH and it is great so that helps.

+1. For whatever reason, my DD (2nd grade) isn't really clicking with the girls in her class this year, but she has really hit it off with 2 other girls in aftercare. The 3 of them seem to have a blast together, are forming genuine friendships, and have done playdates outside of school. So, thank you, aftercare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

+1

[Anonymous]

OK, my last DC is in MS now. All three were talking about all the fun times they had and aftercare a few days ago. They did not go all the time but recognized that is where they made most of their school friends.

[Anonymous]

My kids didn’t start preschool until they were 3 but are now in aftercare in elementary (no more nanny) and I hate it. It’s a waste of time and the first grader is so tired. I mostly feel guilty that not having nanny means older child can’t play baseball in the afternoons like he used to and both have to take piano on Saturdays rather than after school.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I hated daycare and felt bad every day when my child was under three. After three it was okay. DH rearranged his schedule to avoid aftercare during the height of the pandemic and has kept it. We’re expecting our second child in the early spring and will get a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, but I turn into kind of a jerk when we're all together for too long, so it's better for everyone.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't. My sister and I were in day care/preschool and we turned out fine. Close-knit family, happily married with kids now, good careers, yada yada. I never planned to do anything but send my kids to day care, though I did manage to keep them both home until 6 months, which is a luxury most don't have and probably contributed to my confidence in dropping them off. They're so much older at 6 or 7 months. Thanks, saving up for years to be able to take unpaid maternity leave from the feds!

My older kid adored day care. He is very social. He was an early crawler and on his first day he literally crawled off without a backward glance at me. He is now 8 and loves aftercare and begs to stay longer. He wants to do before care too but we said no because we don't need it and don't want to pay for it. Like other PPs' kids, he plays with a different group of friends in after care, which is really nice. In fact he has friends in different grades, even.

Second kid is much more introverted and she cried at day care drop off every day for 2 years. That definitely sucked. But she was happy once I left. I used to sneak around and look through the window outside and sure enough by the time I got there she'd be happily playing. She's in her last year of preschool and loves it. I am dreading sending her to kindergarten because I know it will be a rough adjustment. But it has nothing to do with the quality of care or instruction.

[Anonymous]

My oldest started at a daycare when he was two and the twos room was awful! No windows, no one reading to the kids (they did ONE book a day) and just unstructured time in a room and 1.5 hours outside. DS cried for his nanny for months (even though he saw her once a week). Once he got into the 3s room it was great but long days and very long naps. DD started at a different daycare at 3 and it was much better.

But yes, I still feel guilty about the two’s room for my oldest. Financially we didn’t have a choice. I feel like my son paid for our poor planning.

[Anonymous]

Do you think your experience (feeling guilty or not) has to do with how outgoing your kid is? My first two are introverts and really crave the quiet, my second two are super social. I felt so guilty about leaving my oldest two, and not at all with my youngest. I imagine it has to do as well with being a more experienced mom and I knew a few hours here and there of less than ideal wouldn’t kill them… but I just keep reading the posts that say, my child made so many friends/hates when I pick them up etc… and that is only true if your kid likes being in a group, no?

Truly curious.

Mostly SAHM but worked part time when they were young and now work 3/4 time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. We are at the bus stop a little before 9 and the bus rolls into our neighborhood at 4:30-4:45 ish.

Even when I did pick up and drop off, the day was almost as long so it's not a bus thing either. Our school day is just very long.

Those would be ideal times for me. My DD is in school 8-2:30. The 2:30 is what's killer. My core work hours are until 3pm, as are most people's. If she could just get out at 3:30 that would save her from aftercare.

Honestly we made decisions about where to buy a house partially because of this - in one area school was 7:40-1:55, in another it was 9-3:30, and my kid's day is a LOT shorter with 9-3:30. (We aren't using aftercare yet, due to pandemic and telework, but my younger one is in day care from about 8:45-4:45 most days.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think your experience (feeling guilty or not) has to do with how outgoing your kid is? My first two are introverts and really crave the quiet, my second two are super social. I felt so guilty about leaving my oldest two, and not at all with my youngest. I imagine it has to do as well with being a more experienced mom and I knew a few hours here and there of less than ideal wouldn’t kill them… but I just keep reading the posts that say, my child made so many friends/hates when I pick them up etc… and that is only true if your kid likes being in a group, no?

Truly curious.

Mostly SAHM but worked part time when they were young and now work 3/4 time.

Yes. I definitely think the kid's personality is a huge part of this. Age as well - both of mine had the worst time between 1 and 2 when they had a lot of separation anxiety but weren't really old enough to make friends. Preschool years are a different ball game.

[Anonymous]

During the infant stage, yes. Now that they are toddlers and school age, they seem to enjoy it. Even on the rare occasions they have the option to stay home, they usually say they want to go to daycare. Total opposite of me!

I do feel bad that the routine is usually hw, dinner, bath and bedtime though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think your experience (feeling guilty or not) has to do with how outgoing your kid is? My first two are introverts and really crave the quiet, my second two are super social. I felt so guilty about leaving my oldest two, and not at all with my youngest. I imagine it has to do as well with being a more experienced mom and I knew a few hours here and there of less than ideal wouldn’t kill them… but I just keep reading the posts that say, my child made so many friends/hates when I pick them up etc… and that is only true if your kid likes being in a group, no?

Truly curious.

Mostly SAHM but worked part time when they were young and now work 3/4 time.

Yes. I definitely think the kid's personality is a huge part of this. Age as well - both of mine had the worst time between 1 and 2 when they had a lot of separation anxiety but weren't really old enough to make friends. Preschool years are a different ball game.

Yes for sure. Both mine are very social and people who know we could afford a nanny seemed surprised we went the day care route but it truly was a good ft for my two. The more extroverted one can handle longer days, my younger is more introverted and enjoys time to decompress

[Anonymous]

I work part time to avoid putting our kids in after care. It’s a 60k salary hit. I hated it as a kid, and really missed time with my mom. I did feel guilty about daycare when we started at 18 months (second one cried every day) but I was pretty bad at the sahm stuff and it felt like none of us were thriving. The nanny route was expensive and time consuming/unreliable. Whatever works for your whole family is what’s best, though I think.