Daycare and aftercare - do you feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

Nope. My kid has a best friend in daycare and is happy to be there. I take days off at least once a month for special activities like the zoo. I'm a government lawyer which is both a fulfilling job but also very flexible and allows me to spend time with my kid, while being able to save for college and afford things like swim classes.

My Dad had cancer when I was a little kid and seeing the stress my mom felt as a SAHM who had sacrificed her career for us who suddenly was facing the potential of doing it all alone was pretty Iinfluential. She went back to teaching shortly after that.

[Anonymous]

No. My kids go to a great school and the baby goes to an amazing daycare. They love their time there!

[Anonymous]

Nope. My kid is an only, very extroverted kid, who thrives in the social environment of child care and school. I pick him up by 4 p.m. 95% of the time, which I feel is about appropriate.

As a former preschool director, I know that those kiddos who were at school 9 hours per day were pretty worn out.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have kids in daycare any more, but I think 8.5 hrs is ok and you shouldn’t feel guilty. Now if you’re the mom/dad complaining that the daycare doesn’t open earlier and stay open later so you can leave your kid there 12 hrs a day, then I’d judge.

If you are feeling guilty, can you and your spouse try to rework your schedules so that they have to be there less time? One of you can go in early and get off earlier to pick them up sooner. It might be worth it for a few years.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel guilty. Sometimes my 4yo doesn't want to go in the morning but it's mostly just that she doesn't want to get dressed, stop playing with whatever she's playing with, get in the car. Once she's there, she's very happy.

My 8yo is so much happier at school/aftercare than she was last year in virtual school. She gets peeved if we pick her up too early and she has to leave in the middle of a game, lol. Plus it makes me feel better about not scheduling tons of playdates on the weekends. She gets plenty of friend time in aftercare.

[Anonymous]

I would have - it's one of the reasons we chose a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have - it's one of the reasons we chose a nanny.

Different strokes. My kid would be bored with a nanny (and my spouse and I WAH and wouldn't want a nanny and kid around while we were working).

I love my quiet house on Monday mornings. I also love taking a nap during the day before I pick kid up, or running errands without him.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My 2 year old doesn't like leaving the house every morning and it sounds like he's quieter there than at home. But my husband and I are both in careers we can't just step away from and come back after 4 years, and it would be really tough to live in my income and impossible on his.

[Anonymous]

We had the kids at home with a nanny until age 3 and then sent to preschool (9 am to 5 pm). No guilt, they both instantly loved going and being with other kids their age. Maybe I would have felt differently and looked at other arrangements if they were sobbing at drop off and begging not to go, but if it ain’t broke…

[Anonymous]

I personally think school should be at least 8 hours long. In early elementary school that should mean more free play, more coloring, more recess, longer lunches, but in later grades- study hall and longer lunches.

[Anonymous]

Daycare allows my spouse and I to both work lower stress jobs and spend individually more time with our kids. We're both layers and left biglaw for different public interest jobs. Of one of us stayed hole the other could make more income working a higher stress job, but this allows balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Yeah, I did not feel guilty when my kids were in daycare/preschool. But I would not have been comfortable with having them in group care for 8.5 hours days ...that's just too much, IMO. I dropped them off at 8:30 and picked them up between 4 and 4:30. Obviously I understand not everyone can make such a schedule work, but just sharing how I felt.

So 8 hours was fine but 8.5 would have been too much?

Don't you love how people rationalize what THEY do? What she did was ok, but that extra 1/2 tips it over into "too much". GTFOH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Every single day. But I never admit it to anyone IRL. I tell them how great it is and how much my kid loves it. I have 200 rationalizations for why daycare is superior to nanny or SAHM care but don’t really believe it.

I felt exactly the same way when my kids were in daycare so I get you. I really yearned to be with them and felt bad that they were there until 5 or 5:30. Evenings were rushed because they were tired. Sure, they had fun with their friends but so do the kids with SAHM and playgroups. Anyway, it wasn’t in my cards to stay at home then and now that my kids are older and no longer in daycare I don’t think about it anymore. But I totally get your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Yeah, I did not feel guilty when my kids were in daycare/preschool. But I would not have been comfortable with having them in group care for 8.5 hours days ...that's just too much, IMO. I dropped them off at 8:30 and picked them up between 4 and 4:30. Obviously I understand not everyone can make such a schedule work, but just sharing how I felt.

So 8 hours was fine but 8.5 would have been too much?

90% of the time I picked them up at 4. A 4:00 pick-up versus a 5:00 pick up actually makes an enormous difference not just in how tired a toddler is, but in the quality of your evenings together thereafter as a family. If you can pick your kids up earlier, OP, you might feel better about the situation. Just some advice -- to a person who seemed to be dealing with guilty -- from personal experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 8.5 hours is kind of the limit. Six would be better, for my kids.

Can you occasionally take them out earlier?

But also, remember that having them at home in front of the TV while you work would be worse for them. Don't feel guilty for thinking about your family holistically. They need sane parents, a roof over their heads, healthy meals, and college savings more than they need to spend an extra few hours with you daily (no offense to you, I'm sure you're wonderful and they love you very much).

Yeah, I did not feel guilty when my kids were in daycare/preschool. But I would not have been comfortable with having them in group care for 8.5 hours days ...that's just too much, IMO. I dropped them off at 8:30 and picked them up between 4 and 4:30. Obviously I understand not everyone can make such a schedule work, but just sharing how I felt.

So 8 hours was fine but 8.5 would have been too much?

+1 haha had the same thought reading that response.