Daycare and aftercare - do you feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

Plus kid is an old lady and really loves less structured time with others. She wants to spend at least an hour or two at aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

Plus kid is an old lady and really loves less structured time with others. She wants to spend at least an hour or two at aftercare.

Old lady was meant to read “only”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. We are at the bus stop a little before 9 and the bus rolls into our neighborhood at 4:30-4:45 ish.

Even when I did pick up and drop off, the day was almost as long so it's not a bus thing either. Our school day is just very long.

Those would be ideal times for me. My DD is in school 8-2:30. The 2:30 is what's killer. My core work hours are until 3pm, as are most people's. If she could just get out at 3:30 that would save her from aftercare.

[Anonymous]

My kindergartener loves aftercare, he sometimes complains about being picked up too early! My 3yo is a bit harder because she has days where she doesn’t want to go, but then walks right in when we arrive and is always happy at the end of the day.

I think it will get trickier as the kids get older, when they need help with homework or want to participate in other activities that we may not be able to do because of our work schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. We are at the bus stop a little before 9 and the bus rolls into our neighborhood at 4:30-4:45 ish.

Even when I did pick up and drop off, the day was almost as long so it's not a bus thing either. Our school day is just very long.

Those would be ideal times for me. My DD is in school 8-2:30. The 2:30 is what's killer. My core work hours are until 3pm, as are most people's. If she could just get out at 3:30 that would save her from aftercare.

Ha, see I would love the 8am start because then I could avoid before care in the morning and let them take the bus! I end up using both right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. We are at the bus stop a little before 9 and the bus rolls into our neighborhood at 4:30-4:45 ish.

Even when I did pick up and drop off, the day was almost as long so it's not a bus thing either. Our school day is just very long.

Those would be ideal times for me. My DD is in school 8-2:30. The 2:30 is what's killer. My core work hours are until 3pm, as are most people's. If she could just get out at 3:30 that would save her from aftercare.

Yeah that 2:30 is tough! Ours are 8:30 to 3:15. It means we have to leave for pick up at 3. Some days it’s a tough juggle but it’s just late enough I can make it work. Our aftercare is expensive and I don’t want to pay that much when we really only need an extra hour in the afternoon. I’m looking for a mothers helper for spring to alleviate this. Even just a couple days a week. I’d still do pick up, but if I knew I’d have time to sit and finish emails or take a late day call or two, my work day would feel so much less chaotic. Right now I never get lunch and I log back on after kids in bed. It’s such a long day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Every single day. But I never admit it to anyone IRL. I tell them how great it is and how much my kid loves it. I have 200 rationalizations for why daycare is superior to nanny or SAHM care but don’t really believe it.

I felt exactly the same way when my kids were in daycare so I get you. I really yearned to be with them and felt bad that they were there until 5 or 5:30. Evenings were rushed because they were tired. Sure, they had fun with their friends but so do the kids with SAHM and playgroups. Anyway, it wasn’t in my cards to stay at home then and now that my kids are older and no longer in daycare I don’t think about it anymore. But I totally get your feelings.

+1

My kids are ES age now, and while they still go to aftercare our lifestyle is much more flexible. Circumstances when they were in daycare were rough. We were all sick constantly, had minimal time together, and spent the weekends desperate to catch up. I had to get off of social media because I felt so bitter seeing others have fun, relaxed summers, weekday playdates, time during the holidays to prepare and relax. We worked to change things but I still regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't but my DH has a lot of guilt. Some of it has to do with the fact that I was raised by 2 working parents so daycare and aftercare were a part of my life and his Mom was a stay at home Mom. Generally DD has liked aftercare so it works out.

+1. I was in daycare/aftercare my entire childhood and it was fine. Honestly probably better than being at home, because not all parents are that great at parenting.

[Anonymous]

I do. I grew up with a Mary Poppins wonderful nanny and loved it. I felt sorry for the kids who had to stay at school... and now my DD is one of those kids.

[Anonymous]

No child wants to spend most of their waking hours in day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

Plus kid is an old lady and really loves less structured time with others. She wants to spend at least an hour or two at aftercare.

Old lady was meant to read “only”.

Haha your typo made me laugh. I thought you meant she had an "old lady" personality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare allows my spouse and I to both work lower stress jobs and spend individually more time with our kids. We're both layers and left biglaw for different public interest jobs. Of one of us stayed hole the other could make more income working a higher stress job, but this allows balance.

I posted about feeling guilty, and we're NOT lawyers, so we can't live comfortably on one (five figure) income...but I like your perspective. We do have pretty unimpressive incomes for this area in part because when we've been able to prioritize flexibility and reasonable hours, we always have. So maybe day care is the cost of having two otherwise involved parents who rarely have to work nights or weekends, and have some flexibility for school hours, sick days, etc. Thanks!

Sorry for all the typos. I was typing while waiting in line at the drugstore.

But basically, me not staying home lets my husband also be the dad he wants to be. It's important to keep that in mind. Putting all the finances on one spouse so the other can work.can actually end up stressing both out. You have to consider what is best for both parents and kid(s).

We are the same - former biglaw and now feds. You captured my perspective as well.

[Anonymous]

So busy working, no time to feel guilty. Plus, feeling guilty would be useless as there is nothing I can do about it. I need to use daycare for my 18 month old and aftercare for my 4 year old, as my workday does not finish when the older one's school day does. I agree that what I can do is be fully present when they are at home and not continue working, something I still struggle to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get home from work early one day a week and I have one week day off. You bet your ass they’re still in aftercare til regular time. Every once in a while I will pick them up early as a surprise day. But really it’s the only time I have “free” all week. Take the quiet and grace when you can.

Plus kid is an old lady and really loves less structured time with others. She wants to spend at least an hour or two at aftercare.

THIS. My kid gets mad if we pick her up early. She has fun there; more fun than just hanging out the house an extra 1-2 hours.