Daycare and aftercare - do you feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

Yes but never admit it. I don’t have any in aftercare but I feel awful leaving my 14 month old in daycare for nine hours.

[Anonymous]

It tugs on my heartstrings sometimes, they are so small and the time goes so fast... But my preschooler gets a ton out of it. I try to focus on the upside of our WFH situation, which is that their day is much shorter than with the work commute. Going back to the office will be really hard though, I am dreading losing the morning and evening time with them.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in daycare for 10 hours, but we parents have to do it with no choice.

We spend $4,500 for 2 kids each month, and I know they learn something and they love being there. We need to work to pay for this expense, and that is more than my monthly income. I admit I am not a good teacher, and I think they are being there get educated and played with other kids are better choice than staying home with me if I quit to work.

[Anonymous]

Our school has a terrible aftercare with all the different aged kids (K through 6th) together with minimal supervision. My small 7 yr old was getting picked on and pushed around. I forced my boss to change my schedule by telling him I would quit so I can pick my child up at 3.

I still feel bad I put my kid in there for two months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does the 8 year old have to be in aftercare? I have a 7 year old and she walks home from the bus stop and hangs out while I finish teleworking. I love it so much. She has basically turned my formal dining room into her art studio, but it keeps her very occupied.

I'm returning to work one day a week though and now I'm hustling to find aftercare. The only thing I could find is $$$ and 5 days a week, when I only need 1 day.

We don’t have a bus at our school. It’s a 15 minute drive each way and I can’t be unavailable for that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycare allows my spouse and I to both work lower stress jobs and spend individually more time with our kids. We're both layers and left biglaw for different public interest jobs. Of one of us stayed hole the other could make more income working a higher stress job, but this allows balance.

I posted about feeling guilty, and we're NOT lawyers, so we can't live comfortably on one (five figure) income...but I like your perspective. We do have pretty unimpressive incomes for this area in part because when we've been able to prioritize flexibility and reasonable hours, we always have. So maybe day care is the cost of having two otherwise involved parents who rarely have to work nights or weekends, and have some flexibility for school hours, sick days, etc. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare allows my spouse and I to both work lower stress jobs and spend individually more time with our kids. We're both layers and left biglaw for different public interest jobs. Of one of us stayed hole the other could make more income working a higher stress job, but this allows balance.

I posted about feeling guilty, and we're NOT lawyers, so we can't live comfortably on one (five figure) income...but I like your perspective. We do have pretty unimpressive incomes for this area in part because when we've been able to prioritize flexibility and reasonable hours, we always have. So maybe day care is the cost of having two otherwise involved parents who rarely have to work nights or weekends, and have some flexibility for school hours, sick days, etc. Thanks!

Sorry for all the typos. I was typing while waiting in line at the drugstore.

But basically, me not staying home lets my husband also be the dad he wants to be. It's important to keep that in mind. Putting all the finances on one spouse so the other can work.can actually end up stressing both out. You have to consider what is best for both parents and kid(s).

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old is not in aftercare but is honestly away from home for almost 8 hours from the time she gets on the bus to the time she gets home. We aren't even at the end of the bus line or anything like that. Our school district does have a long school day for elementary schoolers though.

[Anonymous]

PP here. We are at the bus stop a little before 9 and the bus rolls into our neighborhood at 4:30-4:45 ish.

Even when I did pick up and drop off, the day was almost as long so it's not a bus thing either. Our school day is just very long.

[Anonymous]

OMG, I learned during the first four months of the pandemic (trying to WAH FT with no child care) how important good child care is to letting me be the kind of mom I want to be. I am a MUCH better mother when my kid and I get to do our own things during the weekdays. (I also work a .8 FTE so that I can end my day at 3:00).

[Anonymous]

For my only child, daycare and aftercare were godsends. That’s where she socialized and made friends.

[Anonymous]

My K DS loves aftercare and gets upset if we pick him up "too early!" It's like one big playdate everyday. He's making a lot of new friends and getting to know the older kids in school which I see as a plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, I learned during the first four months of the pandemic (trying to WAH FT with no child care) how important good child care is to letting me be the kind of mom I want to be. I am a MUCH better mother when my kid and I get to do our own things during the weekdays. (I also work a .8 FTE so that I can end my day at 3:00).

NP with almost the exact same situation. I do send my DD to aftercare one day a week and she is asking for more- there are certain friends who go every day and can’t do play dates so that is how she sees them.

I will say I think 2-4 is the hardest age for child care. Both kids LOVED their infant and toddler daycare rooms and I was lucky their day wasn’t crazy long. But at preschool age, especially when there start to be more rules and expectations they just want to be home sometimes, especially when they drop their naps and get tired. That was when I really had to remind myself this is a long game…

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. My oldest is five and begged, begged(!) to stay at extended care after preschool. He’s so happy there. Plays with his friends all day. (He’s in an extremely high-quality program at a children’s museum.)

My youngest will go full-day as soon as he’s potty trained. He weeps when we drop #1 at school each day and he can’t play too.

I learned awhile ago that my kids need way more stimulation than I can give them at home, even as a SAHM (which I am). All-day school + care = happy kids and happy me.

[Anonymous]

I went back to work when my kids were 3 and 5, and both were in aftercare. The 5 yo loved it, but the 3 yo was basically traumatized by the long days in childcare. Fast fw a few years and both kids love aftercare and the time they spend with their friends. I think it's a matter of whether they are ready for it socially.

Currently my kids do 9 hours a day, and they sometimes ask me to pick them up later. I think it's too long, but they seem ok....