Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update
After he blamed me for getting him sick, I basically said to him everything I wrote here- It's not my fault you are sick. How ridiculous to blame me, what are you doing about it to feel better etc.
I walked away from him obviously pissed off and I've been working in the spare bedroom since then. We haven't seen or spoken since this morning. He just texted me: "where did you go? sorry for saying you got me sick. i didnt expect you to get so sensitive and ignore me for the rest of the day. would have liked to spend a little time together before i leave for my work trip. oh well."

I do not know the exact psychological definition, but I feel like he is gaslighting me. Is it a stretch to call it emotional bullying or abuse?

I find this so outrageous... "i didnt expect YOU to get so sensitive and IGNORE me"

I want to say to him- funny, i didnt expect you to be so unreasonable and obnoxious. not only did you blame me for your being sick, but now you are also blaming me for being sensitive, ignoring you

I am so unhappy

You have a spare bedroom. Use it until he figures out that’s where he should have slept.

Wow yes. He is textbook gaslighting and deflecting and trying to manipulate you into thinking everything is your fault.

Do a few weeks of Yellow Rock responses to his BS. Your gut is right, he’s trying to destabilize you with his narcissistic comments like your example above. Oh I would have… But you… too late.. oh well.

What Bs. This pattern will become SO apparent to you once you see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Amazingly, it's getting worse.

He keeps going: "Am i expected to filter myself at all times to only say things that I am sure you can comfortably handle hearing? Because if so, that feels obnoxiously fragile and weak. Do you really think I am accusing you of intentionally getting me sick?"

Omg. Do not engage in his text arguments. He’s psycho.
He’s baiting you, want to escalate everything into an argument, then a tangential argument, then attack you personally.
Do not fall for this. Yellow rock responses.

Just say: No that’s not what’s going on here. Bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious just how deep he intends to dig this whole.

Op here. Apparently he has many shovels and is content to keep digging.

More: "Its obvious DD got sick from school, you got it from her, and I got it from you. Pointing that out shouldnt be all it takes to set you off. Again, I'm very sorry for making an offhand comment that was received as an attempt to blame or be mean to you. Its fine, I'm fine, Im not mad. I'm mildly annoyed at most that my throat hurts. Itll be fine by tomorrow."

I just feel like i'm going cuckoo here- like he is gaslighting me trying to turn it around on me. If it wasn't such a big deal he didn't feel that badly, then why did he start running his mouth in the first place?

Print all those text out and share with a phd level psychologist/ therapist.
Also keep a log book. Write down anything that feels off, his petty verbal comments or emails or texts. Do this for a few months and then see what you want to do about this.

How old are your kids and is he an OK caretaker or coparent? Do he do any parenting or coaching them or stay up on emails?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is still going:

"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."

I notice that in every text he takes the opportunity to color his earlier annoyance and grumpiness at you as some mere offhand, innocuous — whimsical, even — comment.

I haven’t seen such gaslighting since my exBF in college!

He’s really re-writing the narrative here.

Op you need to cut this down because in email or text it is viewed as documentation and silence signals agreement and arguing back makes you look bad too. Lawyer here/ yellow rock his false narratives every time. Try to avoid name calling- this is tough because he’s delusional and lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is still going:

"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."

I totally get that this is super annoying, but I think you are looking for trouble at this point. This last comment seems fine to me. “I’m bummed I said something stupid and we didn’t get to have a nice time before we left. I will try not to say dumb stuff in the future” seems like a way to try to wrap this up and move on.

But he’s not saying this, bolded. I agree if he did, that would be good. He’s defending his comments as casual, implying that if OP is upset, she’s being overly sensitive!

Wtf kind of man writes this much krap in such long texts. Is he like this with coworkers too? Gaslighting and bullying them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.

My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.

Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out

I am in therapy. If it weren't for the kids I would be gone.
I can't just leave. I wish it were that easy. Trust me.
The thought of half custody, not seeing my kids full time is scarier to me than anything else.

Well if this is the case, then I am assuming there must be much larger issues going on. I mean sometimes my husband says something obnoxious and doesn’t apologize perfectly (and says I’m too sensitive). But I’m happily married, because this isn’t some common thing and we don’t have bigger issues. He is generally a totally nice person.

My husband is exactly like OPs. But with more issues w executive functioning deficits, poor verbal communication, no common sense, but a big ego because of his big job. We both have big jobs. Well he god Dx with HFA, not that he agrees with the symptoms or Dx.
I will leave once the kids are older and can better understand him and manage the neglect and gaslighting he now dishes to them as well.
Maybe it will be when the youngest is 18 yo. I still cannot believe that he thinks his neglect, zero talking, never taking responsibility (and currently he has NONE for me, the house or kids or extended family- I don’t even fill him in anymore) is normal. He sleeps like a baby never interacting with any of us.
I’m thankful for my kids, career, friends and family (whom he has also unmasked to on vacations).

[Anonymous]

I would have told him it's not my fault, and that unless he apologizes, I'm not lifting a finger for him.

[Anonymous]

And he’d attack you for “not lifting a finger for him.”
What a bad wife you are, such grudgesX where do you get this from? Your mom?

It’s the only card he has: continue to attack you, the person.

[Anonymous]

Is yellow rock a different strategy than grey rock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is yellow rock a different strategy than grey rock?

I was wondering that, too. It was on DCUM where I first read the term “gray rock,” and now I understand it. But is one poster mistakenly using Yellow Rock repeatedly, or is that a thing? I Googled it but found only movies and landforms. 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.

My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.

Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out

I am in therapy. If it weren't for the kids I would be gone.
I can't just leave. I wish it were that easy. Trust me.
The thought of half custody, not seeing my kids full time is scarier to me than anything else.

Well if this is the case, then I am assuming there must be much larger issues going on. I mean sometimes my husband says something obnoxious and doesn’t apologize perfectly (and says I’m too sensitive). But I’m happily married, because this isn’t some common thing and we don’t have bigger issues. He is generally a totally nice person.

My husband is exactly like OPs. But with more issues w executive functioning deficits, poor verbal communication, no common sense, but a big ego because of his big job. We both have big jobs. Well he god Dx with HFA, not that he agrees with the symptoms or Dx.
I will leave once the kids are older and can better understand him and manage the neglect and gaslighting he now dishes to them as well.
Maybe it will be when the youngest is 18 yo. I still cannot believe that he thinks his neglect, zero talking, never taking responsibility (and currently he has NONE for me, the house or kids or extended family- I don’t even fill him in anymore) is normal. He sleeps like a baby never interacting with any of us.
I’m thankful for my kids, career, friends and family (whom he has also unmasked to on vacations).

Everyone always thinks divorcing when the youngest is 18 solves all the problems. From personal experience, that 18 year old is going.to have a lot of guilt and messed up thoughts knowing they were the reason their parents stayed married.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a jerk, but you seem incapable of letting anything go. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Wow. You both have issues. If one of us is sick they get thr bedroom and the healthy person sleeps in the spare room. Its prevented a lot of illness passing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You both have issues. If one of us is sick they get thr bedroom and the healthy person sleeps in the spare room. Its prevented a lot of illness passing.

Right, and nothing prevented OP’s “healthy” husband from doing that. But he didn’t, and decided to blame OP for getting him sick. How is ANY of that the OP’s fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.

My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.

Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out

I am in therapy. If it weren't for the kids I would be gone.
I can't just leave. I wish it were that easy. Trust me.
The thought of half custody, not seeing my kids full time is scarier to me than anything else.

Well if this is the case, then I am assuming there must be much larger issues going on. I mean sometimes my husband says something obnoxious and doesn’t apologize perfectly (and says I’m too sensitive). But I’m happily married, because this isn’t some common thing and we don’t have bigger issues. He is generally a totally nice person.

My husband is exactly like OPs. But with more issues w executive functioning deficits, poor verbal communication, no common sense, but a big ego because of his big job. We both have big jobs. Well he god Dx with HFA, not that he agrees with the symptoms or Dx.
I will leave once the kids are older and can better understand him and manage the neglect and gaslighting he now dishes to them as well.
Maybe it will be when the youngest is 18 yo. I still cannot believe that he thinks his neglect, zero talking, never taking responsibility (and currently he has NONE for me, the house or kids or extended family- I don’t even fill him in anymore) is normal. He sleeps like a baby never interacting with any of us.
I’m thankful for my kids, career, friends and family (whom he has also unmasked to on vacations).

Everyone always thinks divorcing when the youngest is 18 solves all the problems. From personal experience, that 18 year old is going.to have a lot of guilt and messed up thoughts knowing they were the reason their parents stayed married.

Least damaging option.