Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.

My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.

Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out

I am in therapy. If it weren't for the kids I would be gone.
I can't just leave. I wish it were that easy. Trust me.
The thought of half custody, not seeing my kids full time is scarier to me than anything else.

Well if this is the case, then I am assuming there must be much larger issues going on. I mean sometimes my husband says something obnoxious and doesn’t apologize perfectly (and says I’m too sensitive). But I’m happily married, because this isn’t some common thing and we don’t have bigger issues. He is generally a totally nice person.

My husband is exactly like OPs. But with more issues w executive functioning deficits, poor verbal communication, no common sense, but a big ego because of his big job. We both have big jobs. Well he god Dx with HFA, not that he agrees with the symptoms or Dx.
I will leave once the kids are older and can better understand him and manage the neglect and gaslighting he now dishes to them as well.
Maybe it will be when the youngest is 18 yo. I still cannot believe that he thinks his neglect, zero talking, never taking responsibility (and currently he has NONE for me, the house or kids or extended family- I don’t even fill him in anymore) is normal. He sleeps like a baby never interacting with any of us.
I’m thankful for my kids, career, friends and family (whom he has also unmasked to on vacations).

Everyone always thinks divorcing when the youngest is 18 solves all the problems. From personal experience, that 18 year old is going.to have a lot of guilt and messed up thoughts knowing they were the reason their parents stayed married.

Least damaging option.

DP. Not necessarily. It also can instill a lot of anxiety in those kids that they have to always be the glue holding relationships together, that if they ever do something for themselves (e.g., go away to college), the rest of their world will fall apart. As a general matter, older children tend to be be more resilient than younger children when it comes to their parents’ divorce but there are still times when divorce can be particularly damaging, and right after a child leaves home is one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.

I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.

When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.

Let me guess, you believe your stressful job that makes you 400K a year is strictly so you can be a good provider for your family and not to stroke your own ego.

Providing isn't just about how much money you make. Consider that on the flip side many DWs also work full time, bring home a healthy salary, and also do the lion's share of the household and parenting work, especially when the kids are sick and/or there is a change in routine, and EVEN when the DW herself is sick.

I feel badly for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Am truly glad you’ve never had to pick the least worst damaging living arrangement for your kids amongst truly terrible options. Or had to deal with defunct family courts that put childrens safety and health light years behind “parental rights” of a neglectful, dangerous, and abusive parent.

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is yellow rock a different strategy than grey rock?

I was wondering that, too. It was on DCUM where I first read the term “gray rock,” and now I understand it. But is one poster mistakenly using Yellow Rock repeatedly, or is that a thing? I Googled it but found only movies and landforms. 😀

Try "Yellow Rock Technique" it's grey rock with more politeness

[Anonymous]

You sound just as annoying as him. You’re like a little school girl telling all of us your back and forth replies.

[Anonymous]

You both sound very immature.

[Anonymous]

Yep, your husband is blaming you again (!), this time for being sensitive.

Does he EVER accept full accountability for anything in his life?
Because not taking responsibility for ANYthing is a huge sign of immaturity as well as other stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's totally in the wrong here, no question.

But please stop using gaslighting to mean manipulation. They aren't the same. Gaslighting would be telling you that he never said you made him sick; that in fact he was never sick so he doesn't know what you are talking about, and why are you making this up to paint him as the bad guy? Gaslighting is way more severe than 'I'm sorry but what I said wasn't that baaaaaaad.'

Um. It’s absolutely gaslighting when someone says something that songs like: “I was just joking. You didn’t actually think I was being serious, did you? Gosh you’re so sensitive.” That’s gaslighting. He’s trying to make her think her reality isn’t real…the reality being that he acted like a jerk, continued acting like a jerk and then claimed he was just joking and how could she POSSIBLY think he was actually serious (even though all signs pointed to ‘Not Joking’) unless she’s just overly sensitive. He was only “just joking” AFTER she became upset with him. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation. But really…why are you trying to gatekeep gaslighting??