Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.

[Anonymous]

We have daycare-aged kids. Kids come home sniffly with coughs, every other week.
I usually end up getting a sore throat or a little something from them. Fine. This is parenthood.

DD came home snotty a few days ago. I got a sore throat soon after but I'm on the mend. DH woke up with it today.
I was in the process of getting things together to make chicken noodle soup and to go get more meds for him.
I noticed he was giving me the cold shoulder. I asked what is wrong and why he's being short with me, seemingly rude.
He is blaming me for getting him sick ahead of an important work meeting.
"I wasn't sick until you got in bed with me last night. I don't feel well I have an important upcoming work meeting, and I'm annoyed at you about it."

I'm done. Legit done with him. For one, you don't blame people in the same household when a cold is going around. I don't blame my child for "getting" me sick.
Two, he is an adult. If he was so concerned, he could have worn a mask around us.
Three, it's a cold. Get over yourself.
Four, the audacity and temerity to blame me and actually act rude towards me?

He is an ass on so many levels and I'm so tired of it.

[Anonymous]

Grown men acting like toddlers are so unattractive.

[Anonymous]

You deserve better, op. Good to see you realize it.

[Anonymous]

The old me would have given in and somehow gotten sucked in, felt guilty and bad about it. Gaslighted. I would have apologized, ran out to buy make whatever I could to help him feel better.
NOPE.
He is an adult and a parent. Kids get sick parents get sick. Sh*t happens.

I am tired of being blamed and maligned for every unpleasant thing (obviously there are bigger issues going on)
But for right now, I am standing up for myself.
I'm not buying crap to make chicken noodle soup. I'm not going to the store or doing an instacart order for meds for him.

He is an adult. Let him figure it out. If I am part of the problem for allegedly getting him sick, then I'm not going to be part of the solution, either.

[Anonymous]

That f-ing ridiculous OP. What a big man baby. So unattractive, both the histrionics about a cold (oh no! A cold!) and actually blaming you for it?! Eff that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grown men acting like toddlers are so unattractive.

And, yet, so typical.

[Anonymous]

He could have slept on the couch last night. I love how he takes no steps to protect himself, but blames you anyway. Sorry, op. Men suck sometimes.

[Anonymous]

It’s clearly his fault, he should have slept on the couch if he didn’t want to get sick.

[Anonymous]

Did he make you chicken soup and run out to the store for meds when you had it? I doubt it, because if he’d gotten you cold medicine there would probably be some left for him now.

I would not lift a finger to help that jackass.

[Anonymous]

Where were you supposed to sleep?! Also, the kid probably gave it to him too.

No way in HELL I'd make this man chicken noodle soup when he has the same damn sniffles I already had. Suck it up buttercup, this is life.

However, I'd wait until he's a bit better and then talk about this. Like "wtf dude, that is uncalled for and us all getting colds is not my fault. I understand you weren't feeling well and felt stressed about it, but it's NOT OKAY to take that out me like that".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he make you chicken soup and run out to the store for meds when you had it? I doubt it, because if he’d gotten you cold medicine there would probably be some left for him now.

I would not lift a finger to help that jackass.

THIS. Nothing to help me when I was feeling sick. He leaves tomorrow for a few days for the work trip.
I am counting down the hours till he leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could have slept on the couch last night. I love how he takes no steps to protect himself, but blames you anyway. Sorry, op. Men suck sometimes.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here with update
After he blamed me for getting him sick, I basically said to him everything I wrote here- It's not my fault you are sick. How ridiculous to blame me, what are you doing about it to feel better etc.
I walked away from him obviously pissed off and I've been working in the spare bedroom since then. We haven't seen or spoken since this morning. He just texted me: "where did you go? sorry for saying you got me sick. i didnt expect you to get so sensitive and ignore me for the rest of the day. would have liked to spend a little time together before i leave for my work trip. oh well."

I do not know the exact psychological definition, but I feel like he is gaslighting me. Is it a stretch to call it emotional bullying or abuse?

I find this so outrageous... "i didnt expect YOU to get so sensitive and IGNORE me"

I want to say to him- funny, i didnt expect you to be so unreasonable and obnoxious. not only did you blame me for your being sick, but now you are also blaming me for being sensitive, ignoring you

I am so unhappy

[Anonymous]

I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.

I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.

When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand where he's coming from. I assume he makes the majority of income for your family? Is his job stressful? Is he able to "stay home" if he's sick? I'm guessing not.

I have a very stressful job. However, I make 400k a year. I can't take days off. I work seven days a week. There are no "holidays" for me.

When someone in my family is sick I sleep in the basement in a guest bedroom. I don't mind at all. Sometimes if my wife feels sick she will sleep in the upstairs guest room. She knows I can't deal with being sick, I have real responsibilities and work.

There are. You sound like a terrible husband and father if you only consider real responsibilities work and not your family.