How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even within the same family, you can see such major differences between siblings which makes me think it can’t be solely how one is raised. I

Why do you assume that siblings in the same household with the same parents were parented/raised the same?

Yep the number of times I have heard that siblings are raised in the same household that it is nothing to do with the parents. My DH was the golden child and his brother was the unfavoured child. This continued into adulthood. I remember when brother in laws kids were with my inlaws and they were criticizing brother in law and then they said to me 'oh we have to stop this now the kids are old enough to repeat what we say'. Yes they were and yes they did. The stories I heard, the way they spoke, the difference in how they were treated, it was so stark. Not to my inlaws or even DH.

My inlaws don't understand why their oldest child doesn't speak to them anymore. I can't understand how they can't see why he doesn't.

[Anonymous]

I hate how people always blame the parents. Sometimes kids are terrible, sometimes parents are terrible.

Good parents can raise terrible kids, and terrible parents can raise good kids.

I think people like to blame the parents because they want to believe it won’t happen to them - that their kids will be helpful, generous, etc.

I have young kids and aging parents and my parents were great in a lot of way. Also awful in some ways. I love them a lot and will be there as they age. I am
Not sure if my siblings will or not, and it’s their personalities—we al agree that our parents were wonderful in some ways and terrible in others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate how people always blame the parents. Sometimes kids are terrible, sometimes parents are terrible.

Good parents can raise terrible kids, and terrible parents can raise good kids.

I think people like to blame the parents because they want to believe it won’t happen to them - that their kids will be helpful, generous, etc.

I have young kids and aging parents and my parents were great in a lot of way. Also awful in some ways. I love them a lot and will be there as they age. I am
Not sure if my siblings will or not, and it’s their personalities—we al agree that our parents were wonderful in some ways and terrible in others.

People are simply giving another viewpoint. look at OPs title. It clearly blames the kids.

[Anonymous]

I hate how people always blame the parents. Sometimes kids are terrible, sometimes parents are terrible.

Good parents can raise terrible kids, and terrible parents can raise good kids.

I think people like to blame the parents because they want to believe it won’t happen to them - that their kids will be helpful, generous, etc.

I have young kids and aging parents and my parents were great in a lot of way. Also awful in some ways. I love them a lot and will be there as they age. I am
Not sure if my siblings will or not, and it’s their personalities—we al agree that our parents were wonderful in some ways and terrible in others.

And your kids too, will probably one day think you were wonderful in some ways and terrible in others. All parents make mistakes. All parents are fallible. Some mistakes that are no big deal to one child are seen as huge character failings by another---just because of personalities. The best we can hope for as parents is that the ratio of things we do well is much greater than the things we screw up in the eyes of our children once they reach adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate how people always blame the parents. Sometimes kids are terrible, sometimes parents are terrible.

Good parents can raise terrible kids, and terrible parents can raise good kids.

I think people like to blame the parents because they want to believe it won’t happen to them - that their kids will be helpful, generous, etc.

I have young kids and aging parents and my parents were great in a lot of way. Also awful in some ways. I love them a lot and will be there as they age. I am
Not sure if my siblings will or not, and it’s their personalities—we al agree that our parents were wonderful in some ways and terrible in others.

While this is certainly true, in my experience more than 90% of the time you reap what you sow.