Children of parents in sexless marriage - how did it affect your relationships and marriage?

[Anonymous]

I’m in a sexless marriage - no sex period - and no physical contact. I know my teenage children notice. How will this affect them? In addition to wanting to feel desired again I often think about divorce/being with others in part so I can model better behavior. Or am I crazy for thinking this way?

[Anonymous]

So I have posted before that my parents stayed married way longer than they should have. I'm sure their marriage was sexless. But it was more the complete indifference they had for each other that was noticeable and uncomfortable. they never yelled or acted like they hated each other. But you could tell the low level animosity that was there.

I def. struggled with what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. I have trouble communicating my own needs at times because I never really got to witness that growing up. I used to rely heavily on external cues for gauging how happy my partner was. DH pretty much forced me to get therapy before we got married because of it.

[Anonymous]

It didn't bother me at all or set a bad example at all. Seeing the hassle that my friends went through with their divorced parents and new partners and everything, I would not trade. Loving parents would have been nice, but divorce comes with a lot of other negatives.

If you want to divorce, own the choice for yourself. Don't tell your kids you are banging your new girlfriend for their benefit. They will find that disgusting and they will not agree with you.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea if my parents had sex, and I am glad! I do know they had affection for each other. Hugs, grabbing hand now and then, bringing each other things to be kind. I think that is far more important. Do you show affection to each other in non physical ways?

[Anonymous]

Teenagers are self centered. Just keep things discreet with your girlfriend and your kids will never really notice that you and their mom are platonic room mates.

[Anonymous]

I assumed OP was a woman. Not that it matters.

[Anonymous]

Kids do not care about your sex life.

If you are fighting all the time, showing contempt, depressed or obviously bitterly unhappy, that is when you need to model better behavior.

[Anonymous]

Hahahaha

It didn’t. I’m glad my parents are virgins!

[Anonymous]

As a teenager I had no idea if my parents were having sex or not.

[Anonymous]

How in the hell do your kids know the specifics of your sex life? Perhaps they notice if you are not affectionate, but they do not know what goes in your bedroom -- I hope.

And I hope you are not confusing affection and sex. Perhaps that is part of your problem.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others why would you think your teenagers notice anything about your sex life? They may notice you aren’t overtly affectionate, I did notice that a little about my parents I guess? And as an adult looking back I think it’s very likely my parents don’t have an extremely active sex life based on a lot of factors but they are still a team, built a life together and are partners. They care for each other. Those are the important things.

No it hasn’t effected me at all I don’t think and I would say I think then divorcing would have impacted me (negatively) WAY more. If there are other factors like you actively dislike each other and are mean to each other that’s a different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How in the hell do your kids know the specifics of your sex life? Perhaps they notice if you are not affectionate, but they do not know what goes in your bedroom -- I hope.

And I hope you are not confusing affection and sex. Perhaps that is part of your problem.

My parents didn’t sleep in the same bedroom and I was home all the time as a child/teen. They were married for 30 years. They barely spoke. I’m pretty sure it was sexless.

[Anonymous]

Believe me they will notice constant bickering and arguing much more than they will be able to notice or pick up ANYTHING about your sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a sexless marriage - no sex period - and no physical contact. I know my teenage children notice. How will this affect them? In addition to wanting to feel desired again I often think about divorce/being with others in part so I can model better behavior. Or am I crazy for thinking this way?

This is a bullshit way to rationalize doing what YOU want to do. Turn their lives upside down “to model better behavior”? Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a sexless marriage - no sex period - and no physical contact. I know my teenage children notice. How will this affect them? In addition to wanting to feel desired again I often think about divorce/being with others in part so I can model better behavior. Or am I crazy for thinking this way?

This is a bullshit way to rationalize doing what YOU want to do. Turn their lives upside down “to model better behavior”? Yeah right.

Agree. F@cking delusional.