Two types of parents. Which are you?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Watched an interaction at the park with a friend, and friend suggested there are two types of parents.
A boy about 6 was being annoying to another boy about 9. They were there together with one woman, though I doubt they were brothers. Maybe cousins? The 6yo was pestering and otherwise being physically annoying to the 9yo, and the 9yo kept telling him to stop, leave him alone, and when he didn’t, he shoved the 6yo and the boy misstepped backwards and plopped on his butt. The woman with them witnessed it and then reprimanded the 9yo, telling him, you shouldn’t do that, he’s smaller than you, you shouldn’t be shoving him. My friend and I almost simultaneously said to each other, well then, don’t pick on someone bigger than you! My friend was like, there are two types of parents: ones who think like this woman, and ones who think like us. We discussed how you can tell which adults were raised by the “he’s smaller than you!” moms, and who was raised by the “don’t pick on someone bigger than you” moms. What do you think? |
Anonymous
|
Could the 9 year old be the woman's son (but not the other kid's)?
I will admit that I've been that mother. My younger son is ADHD and was difficult to manage when he was that age, especially in public. I didn't always have the energy required to constantly redirect him. I'm not sure how physical the annoying kid was being, but I absolutely would say something to my older son for pushing him down. But I would also probably tell my younger son, "that's what you get." |
Anonymous
If I had to guess based on appearance, I’d say the 6yo was her child. You make a good point about ADHD. My brother was the annoying kid (though not physically) so my mom may have told me to try to be understanding. But like you, my mom would have told him that’s what he gets for being annoying. This woman said nothing about the boys annoyance (light pushing, poking, stepping on feet). |
Anonymous
| I am a "he's smaller than you" crowd. I expect older children to be more mature/responsible even if the younger child instigates. If I had two kids and something like this happened, I'd tell the older kid not to do that, but then separately one-on-one would tell the younger kid that the older kid shouldn't have done it but there's a risk in poking the bear... That said I think I just have a strong negative reaction to any physical aggression, and if the younger kid shoved the older kid I"d tell them both not to use their hands to express their frustration. |
Anonymous
NOBODY should have to stand around and tolerate annoyances just because they are bigger. Are you also suggesting women should tolerate certain behavior because Boys Will Be Boys? Older children should not have to tolerate and take physical assaults from smaller children, either. |
Anonymous
|
As a mom to an ADHD kid who is 10, I feel like I constantly need to coach my kid on appropriate behavior and remind him
Of size differences, so I absolutely would have reprimanded for that behavior. |
Anonymous
Was it an assault or a 6 year old being a pest? Is a 6 year old capable of assault? If so, I guess was "assaulted" by by kids many times when they were only 6. |
Anonymous
|
I don't think the kids' relative sizes and ages are the important part. For me the issue is that both kids deserve to be respected by the other one. If it were me, I would have gently intervened when the 6yo was ignoring the 9yo requests to be left alone. That's not okay behavior, no matter someone's size. If someone says "leave me alone" or "give me space", you should respect that request.
But then I also would not be okay with the 9yo retaliating by pushing the other boy to the ground. I'd probably says something like, "I understand why you were upset and [6yo] should have listened when you asked him to leave you alone. But pushing him isn't the best response because you could hurt him and we don't hurt people. What are some other ways to handle this?" And then see if we could identify some options for resolution that don't involve pushing (i.e. asking an adult to intervene, moving to another part of the playground that the other kid can't reach, etc.). For what it's worth, I was raised with the dictates not to push people smaller than me AND not to pester kids who are bigger than me (I was a middle child). |
Anonymous
PP you're responding to here. I don't believe it's appropriate to respond to annoyance by getting physical. I did not see the OP's reference to starting out as being 'physically' annoying, and thought that it was a case of being a pest and getting a physical response. In that case I see two problems: first, as I said shoving, etc. to show frustration is problematic to me; and second I"d expect the older child to be mature enough to walk away instead of retaliating in kind or escalating. It's not remotely a 'boys will be boys' view and I have no idea how you would link the two concepts. |
Anonymous
| My boys are 2 years apart. I don’t tolerate hitting. It has nothing to do with size. I have 3 kids and my 3yo hits my 8yo the most. I do not tolerate the 3yo hitting the 8yo and I don’t let the 11yo hit his 8yo brother either. |
Anonymous
| So you must be the parents of the kid who hits and bullies kids on the playground. |
Anonymous
+1 Isn't it kind of the role of the younger ones to be annoying? That's not picking on someone, it's just being annoying. And yeah, older kids absolutely need to watch it around younger ones. -Oldest child who resented the hell out of that as a kid, and now completely gets it as an adult |
Anonymous
|
Ugh.
This reminds me of the FTMs who bring their 18 month old to the playground that is CLEARLY marked (ages 5-12) and get all pissed off that the "big kids" (6 year olds) aren't being careful and gentle. |
Anonymous
Exactly! |
Anonymous
|
Me: He’s smaller than you! No shoving! Younger kid, stop bothering older kid! If you guys can’t play without fighting, we’re going home.
Basically I’m yelling at everybody! Haha - Mom to 3 kids |