Two types of parents. Which are you?

[Anonymous]

I’m the type of parent where if both kids are with me and not harming anyone else then I say, “work it out yourself or we can leave.” I don’t bring my kids to the playground so I can referee their behavior with each other. I’ll supervise in regards to other people but siblings/cousins/friends who come together need to figure their own shit out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

I wonder if you would feel differently if the kids were black. Would you still stay out of it and not intervene?

I don’t care about gender, age, size, ethnicity, I’m still in the camp of wanting the child being picked on to use words first and then allowing them to react (because I’ll never tell a child to stand there and take it!). I’m also of the camp that I will allow a child who is picking on someone else to dig themselves into the hole only briefly, and they will only get one minor warning; if the child they pick on is capable of defending themself, fine, but I’ll step in if they’re not.

[Anonymous]

I’m a “no shoving” parent but it doesn’t sound like that is an option in your poll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

I wonder if you would feel differently if the kids were black. Would you still stay out of it and not intervene?

I don’t care about gender, age, size, ethnicity, I’m still in the camp of wanting the child being picked on to use words first and then allowing them to react (because I’ll never tell a child to stand there and take it!). I’m also of the camp that I will allow a child who is picking on someone else to dig themselves into the hole only briefly, and they will only get one minor warning; if the child they pick on is capable of defending themself, fine, but I’ll step in if they’re not.

The bigger kid often feels like s/he needs to take the abuse, or they will be targeted by the adults and/or the other kids around. They might also be afraid of their strength.

-5’7” female(first point), who used to be afraid of killing her horrible little brother(second point).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

The girl variable brought me back more than a decade. Ds best friends with girl since newborn. They were adorable. She was a handful and also bigger than him at 4 years old. She tortured him all the time. He'd let her. To this day he's still gentle and let's things go. Until that one time...

I caught falling down stairs after she pushed him in a coffee shop. Dont know how I did it in a split second, put my hand under his head and broke his fall with my hand and my body to take the hit.. Pinky swelled up like a balloon. He was fine, I quietly cried from pain (marble stairs). It was pretty ugly after that. Not because of me or DS. Her mom raged and cried and made a scene. DS and I were already outside, some random patron brought me ice lol. Still friends. Still love them. But she was such a little b**ch. Mom was/is lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

I wonder if you would feel differently if the kids were black. Would you still stay out of it and not intervene?

I don’t care about gender, age, size, ethnicity, I’m still in the camp of wanting the child being picked on to use words first and then allowing them to react (because I’ll never tell a child to stand there and take it!). I’m also of the camp that I will allow a child who is picking on someone else to dig themselves into the hole only briefly, and they will only get one minor warning; if the child they pick on is capable of defending themself, fine, but I’ll step in if they’re not.

The bigger kid often feels like s/he needs to take the abuse, or they will be targeted by the adults and/or the other kids around. They might also be afraid of their strength.

-5’7” female(first point), who used to be afraid of killing her horrible little brother(second point).

PP, oldest of 3, 5’0” at 8yo. I get it, which is why the verbal warning is tacit approval of very small retaliation AFTER trying communication first.

[Anonymous]

I would have told off the 6yo, no question. I would be much more gentle with the 9yo, who has a right to defend himself. The reason is that the 6yo was being physically aggressive and refused to stop.

Kids don't magically stop shoving or harassing at a certain birthday-they need to be TAUGHT and experience consequences. If it was just verbal, I would expect the 9yo to not shove.

My experience? It is the shorter and younger kids who get away with battering and bullying other kids and grow into tyrants because people focus on size rather than who is the actual aggressor.

The 9yo asked, apparently repeatedly, for the 6yo to leave him alone and respect his space. The mother should have intervened and removed/redirected the 6yo. The 9yo wasn't getting support from the actual adult present. Good for them for sticking up for themselves when the adults around failed.

[Anonymous]

Uh, frankly I'd say big kid don't pick on the little kid and little kid stop annoying the big kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watched an interaction at the park with a friend, and friend suggested there are two types of parents.

A boy about 6 was being annoying to another boy about 9. They were there together with one woman, though I doubt they were brothers. Maybe cousins? The 6yo was pestering and otherwise being physically annoying to the 9yo, and the 9yo kept telling him to stop, leave him alone, and when he didn’t, he shoved the 6yo and the boy misstepped backwards and plopped on his butt. The woman with them witnessed it and then reprimanded the 9yo, telling him, you shouldn’t do that, he’s smaller than you, you shouldn’t be shoving him.

My friend and I almost simultaneously said to each other, well then, don’t pick on someone bigger than you!

My friend was like, there are two types of parents: ones who think like this woman, and ones who think like us. We discussed how you can tell which adults were raised by the “he’s smaller than you!” moms, and who was raised by the “don’t pick on someone bigger than you” moms.

What do you think?

interesting that your assumption is that they are not brothers? why is that? how do kids "look like brothers"? families can come in many shades, types, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm hesitant to intervene in kid things unless there is something physical/violent (e.g. what the 9 yo did....) or tears. Maaaaybe the 6 yo could've used a gentle reminder that the 9 yo asked him to stop, so he should stop. But really I think the 9 yo needs to learn that people are going to bother you but that doesn't mean you can shove them.

[Anonymous]

Op, I’m guessing that both you and your mom are oldest children. Might should not make right.

[Anonymous]

I would have chastized both, in front of both. Neither one exhibited good behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

I wonder if you would feel differently if the kids were black. Would you still stay out of it and not intervene?

??? Yep. Black kids are not foreign scary entities to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the third type—correct & redirect 6 yo., reenforce respecting 9 yo’s words, WHILE ALSO correcting 9yo for being physically aggressive.

Same. But all this is assuming it is my two children. In this case, OP doubts they were brothers. How I would react would be totally different if one of the kids were not my own and different still depending on which kid were my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

I wonder if you would feel differently if the kids were black. Would you still stay out of it and not intervene?

??? Yep. Black kids are not foreign scary entities to me.

Yes. But black kids acting violent, even when it’s age appropriate, is looked at differently than white kids behaving violently. As a parent of a black boy approaching puberty, I spend a lot of time showing my son how to handle situations without anger, shoving, or violence.