Two types of parents. Which are you?

[Anonymous]

The choices are too limited. The type of parent I am is that I don't get involved in referreeing for minor situations. As long as the smaller child does not complain or cry about what happened, leave it alone. When I get involved, heads will roll.

[Anonymous]

I tell my older one that when her brother is very physical with her, she can push him back. Like, if he climbs on top of her, she's allowed to do whatever it takes to get him off of her. (She's not that imaginative, so 'whatever it takes' does not include, like, knifing him. If it did, we would qualify what degree of force is allowed.) But if he's just being kind of annoying and in her space, she's expected to use her words, move away, and generally settle it herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hesitant to intervene in kid things unless there is something physical/violent (e.g. what the 9 yo did....) or tears. Maaaaybe the 6 yo could've used a gentle reminder that the 9 yo asked him to stop, so he should stop. But really I think the 9 yo needs to learn that people are going to bother you but that doesn't mean you can shove them.

Lovely.

My sister (13 months younger, much shorter until she got a major growth spurt at 13, always more slender) constantly poked, pinched and scratched me. That was the attitude my mother had: she’s younger/shorter/smaller, use your words only. Naturally, she took it as tacit permission to continue.

I will NEVER tell a child that they have to stand there and have someone else be violent. I don’t care how small or large the movement is. Repeated poking bruises (ask me how I know), and both pinches and scratches can draw blood and get infected (again, ask how I know).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in NYC in the 80's. You can tell in my parenting. I'd have stayed out of it completely. They handled it fairly. Don't start a fight you can't finish.

I wonder if you would've had a different position if the 6 year old was a girl?

I think the mother intervened for the sake of the older boy rather than the younger. It's so important to teach boys especially to control their emotions and respond thoughtfully when provoked. I would've reprimanded the older child while secretly smiling and thinking that the 6 year old got what he deserved. I'm from nyc too.

Nope. Girls aren't delicate flowers who wilt and die if they get shoved on their asses. In my experience, girls fight much dirtier than boys. Everyone I can think of who had to go to the hospital because of a fight went there because of a fight with a girl.

I wonder if you would feel differently if the kids were black. Would you still stay out of it and not intervene?

??? Yep. Black kids are not foreign scary entities to me.

Yes. But black kids acting violent, even when it’s age appropriate, is looked at differently than white kids behaving violently. As a parent of a black boy approaching puberty, I spend a lot of time showing my son how to handle situations without anger, shoving, or violence.

Yeah, I'm familiar. But as I said initially, I'm from NYC. Where there are tons of black people. People aren't inherently more violent based on their skin color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have told off the 6yo, no question. I would be much more gentle with the 9yo, who has a right to defend himself. The reason is that the 6yo was being physically aggressive and refused to stop.

Kids don't magically stop shoving or harassing at a certain birthday-they need to be TAUGHT and experience consequences. If it was just verbal, I would expect the 9yo to not shove.

My experience? It is the shorter and younger kids who get away with battering and bullying other kids and grow into tyrants because people focus on size rather than who is the actual aggressor.

The 9yo asked, apparently repeatedly, for the 6yo to leave him alone and respect his space. The mother should have intervened and removed/redirected the 6yo. The 9yo wasn't getting support from the actual adult present. Good for them for sticking up for themselves when the adults around failed.

+1

Sooooo true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh.
This reminds me of the FTMs who bring their 18 month old to the playground that is CLEARLY marked (ages 5-12) and get all pissed off that the "big kids" (6 year olds) aren't being careful and gentle.

Hate those moms.
The ones who watch from a far are the worst

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh.
This reminds me of the FTMs who bring their 18 month old to the playground that is CLEARLY marked (ages 5-12) and get all pissed off that the "big kids" (6 year olds) aren't being careful and gentle.

Hate those moms.
The ones who watch from a far are the worst

Don’t you know that their little ones are the center of the world and have an expiration date?