Should I have a come to Jesus talk with my friend about her dislike for public schools?

[Anonymous]

So, I have a friend who is a Special education attorney. We met years ago through a mutual friend, as we were both invited to her bookclub event. Anyways, I have always admired my friend for being outspoken and passionate. If I have to admit, I was also glad to have someone who could help us if we ever needed any legal help with school. Luckily we haven’t had to, although I know a few moms we network with in the bookclub group we have consulted her. My friend’s kids go to a private school. She doesn’t announce it but her loath for public schools is very apparent if ANY topic on education is brought up. The only reason she even mentioned they don’t attend public schools is because someone new to the group asked her if it’s weird that she helps fight against schools that her kids attend and she quipped, “they don’t!” My kids attend a top rated public school. While, I know years ago it made changes because of complaints filed by parents, the school has always been ranked high in our state. You can’t mention rankings when we get together without my friend stating that they get the rank because of fraud and of course she has to bring in the lawsuit that occurred. Basically, the lawsuit made the school change the reading curriculum, as it wasn’t effective for kids with dyslexia. She will go on rants and basically I’ve started warning my unaware mom friends who meet her to not being up any topic about school because she will go all out about how terrible public schools are. I do not want to lose our friendship and I admire what she does. She does a lot of pro bono cases and helps parents have a fight against the school if their kids’ needs aren’t being met, but I am also over here thinking she knows better. I get that her bias is in fighting public schools all day, but shouldn’t she be more cognizant about what she says if she knows most of her friends don’t send their kids to private schools? We’re from an area where top schools are public so a lot of good suburbs around here. She says unless they too change the reading curriculum within those highly ranked districts, they’re as crappy as the one where I live, because kids with dyslexia’s needs are not being met. She said if you went to really close the gap, find a way to help the majority and not just some kids. Anyways, how do I bring up that there is a time and place and if someone’s utopia of a school district is and location is a public school -even with its flaws, a good public, to just let us have our day ?..I don’t want her to always correct people and make it known how awful their suburb is because they don’t help all kids. That’s life. Life isn’t fair.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR

[Anonymous]

You have no concept about what happens with the families and kids that she works with. For some of us, its not about being fair but getting our kids what they need. You are lucky if your kids are getting what they need but many of ours aren't and we are spending thousands and thousands to get our kids to where they need to be.

[Anonymous]

I’m not reading that.

[Anonymous]

TK; dr

Paragraphs are your friend.

[Anonymous]

Calm down.
Why are so invested in this?

I only went to private schools. My kids will only go to public schools. In both situations, parents need to guide the education of their kids, because schools don't provide everything.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on your answers to the following:

1) Will talking to her about this help? Is she open to changing her perspective and behavior?
2) Will talking to her about this damage your relationship?

If answers to (1) and (2) are no and yes, respectively, it's probably not a good idea to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading that.

Not OP. Paragraphs would've made this easier to read, but you didn't have to reply if you weren't going to read it.

[Anonymous]

Life isn't fair but we don't make changes until people get enough of a critical mass to care (case in point - racism and killing black people who did nothing wrong is not new. People finally care. Maybe change will come).

For years, there were not rules about ADA compliance. Couldn't enter a building or store, sucks and maybe someone else will help you. But the stairs and door work for many people so why change?

Schools are the same. Many kids do fine. (Race, parents' education, SES and many other factors play a role). Many kids will do fine no matter what. But, a good school district should help everyone. Not the top, not some. So, it is important that people point out who is losing when we talk about testing and scores.

We opted to find a house in a less highly ranked district because the gap between white kids and all other kids and the gap between special education population and not was significantly smaller than in the "better" district.

She shouldn't tell everyone they need to send their kid to private school. But helping people understand that there are complicated layers and sending your kid to a school you could be part of the solution if you advocate for it (such as trying to get the reading curriculum changed even if your kid does fine with the other one). But people need to know about the issue

[Anonymous]

Your focus on this is bizarre.

Perhaps she wants her children to learn to write clearly, in paragraphs?

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to write shorter and in paragraphs. Too long. Didn’t read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I have a friend who is a Special education attorney. We met years ago through a mutual friend, as we were both invited to her bookclub event. Anyways, I have always admired my friend for being outspoken and passionate. If I have to admit, I was also glad to have someone who could help us if we ever needed any legal help with school. Luckily we haven’t had to, although I know a few moms we network with in the bookclub group we have consulted her. My friend’s kids go to a private school. She doesn’t announce it but her loath for public schools is very apparent if ANY topic on education is brought up. The only reason she even mentioned they don’t attend public schools is because someone new to the group asked her if it’s weird that she helps fight against schools that her kids attend and she quipped, “they don’t!” My kids attend a top rated public school. While, I know years ago it made changes because of complaints filed by parents, the school has always been ranked high in our state. You can’t mention rankings when we get together without my friend stating that they get the rank because of fraud and of course she has to bring in the lawsuit that occurred. Basically, the lawsuit made the school change the reading curriculum, as it wasn’t effective for kids with dyslexia. She will go on rants and basically I’ve started warning my unaware mom friends who meet her to not being up any topic about school because she will go all out about how terrible public schools are. I do not want to lose our friendship and I admire what she does. She does a lot of pro bono cases and helps parents have a fight against the school if their kids’ needs aren’t being met, but I am also over here thinking she knows better. I get that her bias is in fighting public schools all day, but shouldn’t she be more cognizant about what she says if she knows most of her friends don’t send their kids to private schools? We’re from an area where top schools are public so a lot of good suburbs around here. She says unless they too change the reading curriculum within those highly ranked districts, they’re as crappy as the one where I live, because kids with dyslexia’s needs are not being met. She said if you went to really close the gap, find a way to help the majority and not just some kids. Anyways, how do I bring up that there is a time and place and if someone’s utopia of a school district is and location is a public school -even with its flaws, a good public, to just let us have our day ?..I don’t want her to always correct people and make it known how awful their suburb is because they don’t help all kids. That’s life. Life isn’t fair.

So, I have a friend who is a Special education attorney. We met years ago through a mutual friend, as we were both invited to her bookclub event. Anyways, I have always admired my friend for being outspoken and passionate. If I have to admit, I was also glad to have someone who could help us if we ever needed any legal help with school. Luckily we haven’t had to, although I know a few moms we network with in the bookclub group we have consulted her.
My friend’s kids go to a private school. She doesn’t announce it but her loath for public schools is very apparent if ANY topic on education is brought up. The only reason she even mentioned they don’t attend public schools is because someone new to the group asked her if it’s weird that she helps fight against schools that her kids attend and she quipped, “they don’t!” My kids attend a top rated public school.
While, I know years ago it made changes because of complaints filed by parents, the school has always been ranked high in our state. You can’t mention rankings when we get together without my friend stating that they get the rank because of fraud and of course she has to bring in the lawsuit that occurred. Basically, the lawsuit made the school change the reading curriculum, as it wasn’t effective for kids with dyslexia. She will go on rants and basically I’ve started warning my unaware mom friends who meet her to not being up any topic about school because she will go all out about how terrible public schools are.
I do not want to lose our friendship and I admire what she does. She does a lot of pro bono cases and helps parents have a fight against the school if their kids’ needs aren’t being met, but I am also over here thinking she knows better. I get that her bias is in fighting public schools all day, but shouldn’t she be more cognizant about what she says if she knows most of her friends don’t send their kids to private schools?
We’re from an area where top schools are public so a lot of good suburbs around here. She says unless they too change the reading curriculum within those highly ranked districts, they’re as crappy as the one where I live, because kids with dyslexia’s needs are not being met. She said if you want to really close the gap, find a way to help the majority and not just some kids.

Anyways, how do I bring up that there is a time and place and if someone’s utopia of a school district is and location is a public school -even with its flaws, a good public, to just let us have our day ?..I don’t want her to always correct people and make it known how awful their suburb is because they don’t help all kids. That’s life. Life isn’t fair.

[Anonymous]

I know that it's hard to be friends with someone who hates the schools that you send your kids to. Special education attorneys get exposed to those whom the district is not serving well. This skews her view. She is who she is. It would be great if she eventually recognizes that many children actually are being well-served.

[Anonymous]

I worked in Public Schools for a decade which is why I sent my children to Private. It seems like you are uncomfortable with the topic because it makes you question your choice to send your children to public school.

[Anonymous]

You clearly went to public school, OP.