Should I have a come to Jesus talk with my friend about her dislike for public schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools (except privates specifically for kids with SNs) don’t even admit kids who have 504s/IEPs in public schools. Public is far from perfect but privates don’t even try.

Why should they? Public schools are legally required to provide an education to all students who live within their boundaries. Private schools aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not reading that.

Not OP. Paragraphs would've made this easier to read, but you didn't have to reply if you weren't going to read it.

Not PP but I am not reading that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dyslexic and my kid is dyslexic. I am profoundly grateful for people like OP’s friend. Without people like her nothing will ever change. That level of passion and commitment can be offputting to people who don’t care about the issue in the same way. OP, why not just tell your friend you find it hard to have your children’s school criticized all the time? That it hurts your feelings? You have no right to tell her how to behave around other people - you seem interested in keeping her from being vocal around other mom friends, and that is her business, not yours. But you should tell her how her single mindedness makes you feel, and see if she wants to try to talk about something else.

How about rather than telling your friend you have a hard time hearing your school be criticized you actually LISTEN to your friend and care about the kids your child goes to school with who aren’t being properly served? Oh right, because OP only cares that her children are getting what she deems to be a fine education. Screw the other kids.

[Anonymous]

OP - you say “life isn’t fair” so you mean that because some kids aren’t able to get their needs met at school that they should just, what? STFU? I don’t understand why you are so blind to what your friend is saying. She is saying that the school your kids attend is not doing a good job of helping some of the students who attend it. If someone told me that, my reaction would not be to be offended that someone things poorly about my kids’ school, it would be to think about what I could do to make the school better for those kids. I think you need to do some serious thinking about your attitude.

[Anonymous]

You should not have this conversation. A come to Jesus means trying to persuade someone to believe in a magic zombie man. She isn’t going to move off her strongly held views and start sharing your beliefs.

[Anonymous]

How inconvenient the truth is! How socially embarrassing!

Yes, have a come to jesus talk with your friend about how your dinner parties are at risk with her injecting reality once in a while. And for heaven's sake, send out an email banning all BLM talk as well. That would be social DEATH!

[Anonymous]

Let’s change the story here. In this version you have boys.

Your top public school system has a wonderful reputation and provides a rich and varied education for boys. From regular, to honors, to IB and AP. But they do not provide an equitable education to girls.

The girls are given a sub-par curriculum that does not even help them learn to read. They are labeled and often times isolated in separate rooms. Parents of girls are constantly advocating and fighting with the school to provide an education for their daughters too. But the school says they are doing just fine. The school will sometimes put together and make an educational plan and say okay we’ll do these things, like check her sentence writing 3 times in a semester to see if she gets it right 50% of the time. And we’ll see if she can understand 50% of what she reads 2 times. That should be good enough right? I mean why would you expect us to do more than that for your daughter? It’s not like she’s a boy, so you shouldn’t expect too much. And maybe she would do better if she just tried harder like the boys.

Each year you will fight for your daughter and each year they kick the can down the road. Elementary team to middle school team to high school team. Until eventually they say, you need to look at alternatives for your daughter. She’ll never go to college, she can only read at a 4th grade level.

Now imagine you’re the lawyer that some of the parents, that had the means to afford a lawyer, had. You see this happening to girl after girl after girl. You see the lousy outcomes. You know that they’re even worse for the girls whose parents didn’t have lawyers. You see this injustice daily and you fight for fair treatment of these girls everyday.

But your friend is annoyed with you because her son goes to this top public school and does not want to keep hearing about how it’s not great for some people because it’s where he goes. And that by the way, it’s a top public school.

[Anonymous]

Own up to your choices, OP.

We used to live in Alexandria where our base school was average with high FARMs. Our kids got into AAP and we lived close to TJ. We eventually moved to Mclean. Our kids will eventually go to Langley. People used to wonder why we would live and send our kids to public school in Alexandria. Now we live in McLean and our colleagues wonder why we send our kids to public school when we can afford private. I don’t really care what others think.

Feel confident in your school choice. Who cares if your lawyer friend thinks poorly of your school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s change the story here. In this version you have boys.

Your top public school system has a wonderful reputation and provides a rich and varied education for boys. From regular, to honors, to IB and AP. But they do not provide an equitable education to girls.

The girls are given a sub-par curriculum that does not even help them learn to read. They are labeled and often times isolated in separate rooms. Parents of girls are constantly advocating and fighting with the school to provide an education for their daughters too. But the school says they are doing just fine. The school will sometimes put together and make an educational plan and say okay we’ll do these things, like check her sentence writing 3 times in a semester to see if she gets it right 50% of the time. And we’ll see if she can understand 50% of what she reads 2 times. That should be good enough right? I mean why would you expect us to do more than that for your daughter? It’s not like she’s a boy, so you shouldn’t expect too much. And maybe she would do better if she just tried harder like the boys.

Each year you will fight for your daughter and each year they kick the can down the road. Elementary team to middle school team to high school team. Until eventually they say, you need to look at alternatives for your daughter. She’ll never go to college, she can only read at a 4th grade level.

Now imagine you’re the lawyer that some of the parents, that had the means to afford a lawyer, had. You see this happening to girl after girl after girl. You see the lousy outcomes. You know that they’re even worse for the girls whose parents didn’t have lawyers. You see this injustice daily and you fight for fair treatment of these girls everyday.

But your friend is annoyed with you because her son goes to this top public school and does not want to keep hearing about how it’s not great for some people because it’s where he goes. And that by the way, it’s a top public school.

Imagine also that some folks don't particularly care about the education of girls AT ALL. They are cool that boys get educated (although they really only need for a small proportion -- their boys) to get educated. And the rest of the boys and all of the girls don't particularly need to be well educated as they will be needed to be workers, and if they are too well educated they might well revolt against the ruling classes.

Your friend sends her own kids to a school that doesn't have to take girls at all, if they don't want to, and only takes the elite boys from the most wealthy families.

And when your friend rails against public schools, she adds to that set of voices that don't care about the education of girls. In fact, some of them are actively trying to take public education away from girls and move into into the hands of private companies, so they can make profits.

The alternative to public education isn't high quality private education for all. It's education for the elite, and factory school for the worker class. Where the factory schools are owned by the factory owner, and the kids are the product.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools (except privates specifically for kids with SNs) don’t even admit kids who have 504s/IEPs in public schools. Public is far from perfect but privates don’t even try.

Why should they? Public schools are legally required to provide an education to all students who live within their boundaries. Private schools aren’t.

Well of course they aren’t required to. Privates are exclusionary by nature. Kids who don’t fit the mold are not welcome.

[Anonymous]

How about next time she goes on about the topic, you ask her - How can I help? Though it's not perfect( in her eyes) its the choice you have made, and is what works for your family. She is entitled to her opinion and rightfully so, but you can gently tell her that hurts you to hear it ever so often. Tell her you understand her frustrations and are willing to help out as a parent of a child going to public schools and will raise your voice when you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are wrong and your friend is right.

the I've got mine attitude and who cares about other kids is insanely disordered.

You need to do some serious introspection and perhaps some therapy to understand why you are so incredibly selfish.

Did you also go to a very highly rated public school because being selfish is definitely a bi-product of segregation.

+1 You aren’t an equality warrior if your kids go to Whitman or Langley. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools (except privates specifically for kids with SNs) don’t even admit kids who have 504s/IEPs in public schools. Public is far from perfect but privates don’t even try.

Why should they? Public schools are legally required to provide an education to all students who live within their boundaries. Private schools aren’t.

Well of course they aren’t required to. Privates are exclusionary by nature. Kids who don’t fit the mold are not welcome.

And? What's your point? You noted that some private schools do serve children with special needs. Others don't. You seem to have a problem with this. We are not Catholic and we don't want our kids going to a school that is promoting the Catholic faith. (We are Protestant, if it matters). So we don't send our kids to schools who serve Catholics. If you have a special needs kid, why would you want to send them to a school that doesn't serve them? I'm not offended that Catholic schools won't change their faith-based education to serve my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about next time she goes on about the topic, you ask her - How can I help? Though it's not perfect( in her eyes) its the choice you have made, and is what works for your family. She is entitled to her opinion and rightfully so, but you can gently tell her that hurts you to hear it ever so often. Tell her you understand her frustrations and are willing to help out as a parent of a child going to public schools and will raise your voice when you can.

I think you failed to read that OP is unwilling to acknowledge that there is anything wrong with her highly rated public school. It's perfectly fine for her kids, and therefore it's perfectly fine for all kids.

[Anonymous]

No one except people completely disconnected from reality can go on rants in your presence without your permission.

OP, there is a way to make someone understand that their rants aren't welcome (even if they are completely correct). The British excel at this. You have a variety of tactics at your disposal. Check your email. Start texting people. Change the subject. Do not respond. Say "hmmm" a lot. Respond with something like "I adore this skirt -where did you get it?"

In short, if you don't want to keep hearing these rants, you have to make it unrewarding and awkward for the ranter.

Of course, there is always a possibility that your circle doesn't think they are unwelcome, and actually enjoys hearing them. In this case, I'm afraid, you're out of luck.