Wife's odd reaction to my parents and "fun secrets"
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Anonymous
| My wife (we are a wife/wife family fyi) had a very odd reaction to a little game the kids started with my mom. We just recently a few weeks ago expanded our bubble and a big part of that has been seeing both my mom and wife parents as well. My oldest (5) told my wife and myself she has a secret thing she does with grandma when baby is asleep. She was all giggles and my wife laughed and played along for a second but then it turned and she got mad. She said it wasnt appropriate for my mom go "do this to Larla, and set these expectations/secret traps." I think shes crazy and we both know my mom wouldnt start anything dangerous. She really didn't come around and really emphasized it made her feel uncomfortable. The secret by the way is they eat popsicles in bed and watch butterbean cafe when the baby is asleep. Totally innocent and something a 5 yr old would think is fun and scandalous. What am I not seeing here? I'm not even particularly close with my mom but dont see any real issue here. |
Anonymous
Your Wife is right. teach your child no secrets In our family only surprises. Sadly sex predators exploit this ‘game’. My mom does the same thing and I had to correct her, which flustered her of course. It’s nothing against your mom it’s the precedent it sets for the child. You basically want your kid to say ‘grandma we don’t have secrets in our family but we can have surprises!’ |
Anonymous
+1. Surprises are great, secrets are not, especially those that happen in the bedroom (not that grandma is doing anything inappropriate) |
Anonymous
| It’s not about your mom. You don’t want your kids keeping secrets, period. Exactly what PP said about pedophiles exploiting and saying “it’ll be our little secret” or “our fun game you have to keep secret” etc |
Anonymous
| That sounds really cute and sweet to me, OP. I think your wife is overreacting, just like all these "all grandparents are pedophiles!" PPs. Your 5 year old - who shared the "secret" with you anyway, for crying out loud! - has more sense than any of them. |
Anonymous
Agree. Grandma may never even tried to hide it and your kid just thought since the baby didn’t know it was a “secret”. |
Anonymous
No one said all grandparents are pedophiles. PPs are correct, you are not. Take a seat. |
Anonymous
| No child should be asked to keep a secret from a parent. |
Anonymous
|
Secrets are a form of grooming and no way. If secrets are OK with Grandma, they're OK with teacher and soccer coach and older cousin...
Nope. Surprises and special fun things. No secrets. |
Anonymous
| No secrets in our family. If grandma tried to get my kid to do secrets that would be a HUGE HUGE no. |
Anonymous
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Yeah I don’t think anyone is suggesting that grandma is an abuser. The idea is that if grandma teaches the child that it’s kosher to have this “fun secret” from her parents, a predator could exploit that by having a “fun secret” that was exploitative or abusive, especially if the child didn’t really get that anything bad was happening.
Everyone means well here, so approach it with care and gentleness. But I think grandma should have a talk with the kid and explain that there’s no secret she can’t tell her parents, and that she SHOULD tell them if an adult asks her to keep a secret, that they won’t ever be mad if she tells them a secret, etc. |
Anonymous
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My parents and even in laws do this, thankfully my kid always tells me the secret and then i tell the grandparents to knock it off. It just needs to be rephrased
My father in law is the worst |
Anonymous
| Your wife is right. Try picking up a parenting book or even Googling. Educate yourself. |
Anonymous
| Wouldn’t be cool with me either. |
Anonymous
| No secrets. |