Stepfamily and sentimental things like photos after dad passed away.

[Anonymous]

Not hearing back from stepfamily about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

They did not give him a funeral only a small graveside service. Also, they are the reason that he was broke in his later years. His wife was also rescuing them when one of them had troubles. Yes, I could not afford two trips, in a short amount of time, and also pay most of his costs. We had been helping him for many years because his wife and kids had made him destitute.

[Anonymous]

Their house used to have a revolving door. One adult kid would move in for a few years, then another would move in when that one moved out. His wife’s kids are finally independent now. It is not that I could not be bothered to attend, it would have been two trips with airfare, accommodations, no room at his home, and a rental car in a short amount of time along with paying for most of his final costs myself. So yes, it was not too much to ask for some photos.

[Anonymous]

You are demanding they mail you things at their cost when you couldn't be bothered to do at least one trip or help out with funeral costs. You have a lot of nerve. This was your Dad, you should have taken the lead on burying him. He was lucky to have his step kids.

[Anonymous]

If I could only afford one trip, then I chose to see him before, rather then after, and think that was the right choice.

[Anonymous]

OMG I would have gone in to debt to attend the funeral of the man who raised me.
My dad died while on vacation in his home country in europe. I flew there to accompany the casket on the flight home. Spent 25 k bringing him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are demanding they mail you things at their cost when you couldn't be bothered to do at least one trip or help out with funeral costs. You have a lot of nerve. This was your Dad, you should have taken the lead on burying him. He was lucky to have his step kids.

People are not reading this because I did help with most of his final costs. They made him destitute over the years because his wife kept rescuing them whenever they had any kind of problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are demanding they mail you things at their cost when you couldn't be bothered to do at least one trip or help out with funeral costs. You have a lot of nerve. This was your Dad, you should have taken the lead on burying him. He was lucky to have his step kids.

People are not reading this because I did help with most of his final costs. They made him destitute over the years because his wife kept rescuing them whenever they had any kind of problem.

You don't send them money. You pay the funeral and other expenses directly. They were the ones taking care of him day to day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG I would have gone in to debt to attend the funeral of the man who raised me.
My dad died while on vacation in his home country in europe. I flew there to accompany the casket on the flight home. Spent 25 k bringing him back.

You can do it cheaply if you need to. We just buried my MIL who had no money. $1K for cremation as that is what she wanted and $1K for burying the urn. We had to do a cemetary a few hours away but it was lovely and makes a nice day trip. You can get burial assistance from the state as well (we did not).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG I would have gone in to debt to attend the funeral of the man who raised me.
My dad died while on vacation in his home country in europe. I flew there to accompany the casket on the flight home. Spent 25 k bringing him back.

There was no funeral. My dad spent most of my life helping his wife’s family so I was more than generous sending him money whenever he asked me for help. They are the reason he was destitute because his wife kept helping her kids whenever they needed anything. He had retirement and his own home when he married her and twenty years later he was broke.

[Anonymous]

You may need to plan another trip to pick up his things. It is a big big job to sort, pack up and ship items when someone does. Just be as kind as possible, and arrange to fly out there at a time that works for them (or send a blood relative local to them to do it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are demanding they mail you things at their cost when you couldn't be bothered to do at least one trip or help out with funeral costs. You have a lot of nerve. This was your Dad, you should have taken the lead on burying him. He was lucky to have his step kids.

People are not reading this because I did help with most of his final costs. They made him destitute over the years because his wife kept rescuing them whenever they had any kind of problem.

You don't send them money. You pay the funeral and other expenses directly. They were the ones taking care of him day to day.

He was actually very independent until the last few weeks. He needed help with bills but not self care. He refused help from a home aide. A hospice nurse visited, once a week, and was finally able to convince him to go to hospice when he started to have trouble walking. He was still driving himself to the store until then. I visited him during this time. They paid the deposit right after he passed so then we sent a check. He still had a car and a last SSI check so it seemed reasonable that those should go toward his final costs.

[Anonymous]

You should like a crappy child.