Stepfamily and sentimental things like photos after dad passed away.

[Anonymous]

+ And the fact your father chose to stay out there nearer his stepkids, even though you offered to move him to you, is also very telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+ And the fact your father chose to stay out there nearer his stepkids, even though you offered to move him to you, is also very telling.

He loved the hot weather. He did not want to leave his friends and his life there. Many older people like to be in warmer climates even if it means being away from their families. Why so judgy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

He did not want to help them to the point of being destitute. He wanted to keep his wife happy. We would have taken care of the arrangements but this already done this on the same day that he has passed away. Does anyone think that they may have had something to hid or gain by doing this? There is such a thing as elder fraud.

[Anonymous]

They took over everything without consulting me. The hospice nurse felt the need to tell me that they had taken him to close his bank account and had him sign over the title to his car. They made the arrangements for him the same day he passed before I even heard that he had passed away. Look up elder fraud. They took advantage of him for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

He did not want to help them to the point of being destitute. He wanted to keep his wife happy. We would have taken care of the arrangements but this already done this on the same day that he has passed away. Does anyone think that they may have had something to hid or gain by doing this? There is such a thing as elder fraud.

This is not elder fraud. You should have preplanned his death and funeral. You did not so they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They took over everything without consulting me. The hospice nurse felt the need to tell me that they had taken him to close his bank account and had him sign over the title to his car. They made the arrangements for him the same day he passed before I even heard that he had passed away. Look up elder fraud. They took advantage of him for years.

You could have handled it and choose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

I lived across the country. This is part of the problem because I could not advocate for him. He still had many nice visits with us and his grandchildren. We bought him tickets to visit us since it cost us less than buying several tickets so we could all go there to see him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

He did not want to help them to the point of being destitute. He wanted to keep his wife happy. We would have taken care of the arrangements but this already done this on the same day that he has passed away. Does anyone think that they may have had something to hid or gain by doing this? There is such a thing as elder fraud.

This is not elder fraud. You should have preplanned his death and funeral. You did not so they did.

They did not let me. The elder fraud is what happened before that led him to be destitute. He could have preplanned for the costs but they had drained him.

[Anonymous]

Elder fraud involves isolating someone from their family and taking over their finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They took over everything without consulting me. The hospice nurse felt the need to tell me that they had taken him to close his bank account and had him sign over the title to his car. They made the arrangements for him the same day he passed before I even heard that he had passed away. Look up elder fraud. They took advantage of him for years.

You could have handled it and choose not to.

Again, they took over everything without consulting me. I could have been more assertive and insisted that they let me take charge but I am quiet like my dad used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

For those you judge, I hope you never have to be in a situation where you are thousands of miles away from a loved one, and no one will let you know what is going on. The only one who seemed concerned enough to tell me some of what was happening, over the phone, was the hospice nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

I agree.

Did you read through the whole thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

I agree.

My dad did not want a service. They decided this themselves and were the only ones to attend. It is possible they did this to thank him for all he did for them over the years. I helped pay for what they decided to do even though it was not the cheapest option. The part about the last SSI check is because it should be used to help cover the costs. They decided to do this before I was even notified that he had passed away. They did not even send photos of the graveside service to my aunt when they agreed to send them via phone or email.

[Anonymous]

You didn't go to the funeral but want photos. No.

You didn't even help organise the service. They owe you nothing. If it meant anything to you you would have travelled for the service.