Daughter wants to shave her head
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Anonymous
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My young teen has a LOT of hair and isn’t able to manage on her own. She’s biracial, so her hair is very coarse and she has the equivalent of 4 heads of hair, amount wise. She said with having no school, she just wants to shave her head and start over. I’m not totally opposed to it, considering her hair is a lot of work and it’s mostly managed by me because it’s so long and she can’t handle it. Hopefully starting over would mean she would slowly start learning how to manage it as it grows?
I’m also very afraid this could backfire as she is on the very high functioning side of the spectrum and doesn’t deal well with changes, so I feel she will regret it. She also deals with depression and I feel like if she does end up regretting the consequences can be more than the “well, it’ll grow back” kinda thing. Any advice here? |
Anonymous
| Buy a bald cap and have her try it |
Anonymous
| Cut it shorter or hire someone to teach her to do it. |
Anonymous
| No way would I allow something this extreme. Why can't she just cut it short? |
Anonymous
She doesn’t want to learn how to do it. Has zero interest. |
Anonymous
| Let her shave it. It’s just hair. |
Anonymous
| It seems like a really extreme move. I would worry about the self-image repercussions if she gets an off-the-cuff reaction from someone who is surprised or taken aback by the dramatic change. Not that people would be trying to be mean but if the change is that big then it would be hard for someone caught unawares to not have a visible reaction, either positive or negative. Would she be willing to take it in stages to see how it goes? It may be that as it becomes shorter she can manage it better. |
Anonymous
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On the one hand, it's her hair. On the other hand, my answer would change depending on how she's styled her hair and how much of this is about autonomy and self-love. You describe her hair as "a lot of work", "mostly managed" by you, and "she can't handle it". I'm struck by how little joy there is in any of those words. And how wanting to shave her head seems to be about wanting to avoid all of this "work" vs being excited by the possibilities of having a shaved head. So my short answer is that if she really wants to shave it, I'd let her -- but would want her to be clear that it might never grow back the way it is now, and that if she wants longer hair at some point, it will mean quite a bit of time dealing with mid-length hair, which might have it's own styling challenges. If she were my kid, I'd ask her to try getting it professionally braided. I'd also take her to a natural hair salon to discuss style options. Since those options are not possible right now, would she consider braiding it -- which means that it wouldn't have to be combed every day? Or cornrowed -- which might last a couple of weeks?
tldr: The issue seems to be "managing" her hair vs her genuinely wanting a shaved head. I'd push her to explore some other options before taking this step. |
Anonymous
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Do it.
Every time I've chopped off all my hair, I've felt great. I don't think I can pull off a shaved head, but my female friends who have tried it loved it. It's just hair. Now is a good time to experiment. |
Anonymous
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If there was ever a time to experiment, it is now.
it is just hair. Watch some on-line videos about how to deal with hair like hers. Clearly you both need to know more since it is causing unhappiness. |
Anonymous
New poster. That would be unacceptable to me. At a certain point, you MUST handle your own hair. |
Anonymous
| Now is the only time she will have to attempt a shaved head and be able to hide out if needed. It is now or never if this is a "try out" versus a 100% want to shave it for the look. |
Anonymous
+1. |
Anonymous
| If she doesn’t deal well with change maybe do it gradually? Shave underneath and the sides so she still has hair on the top of her head and can get used to the feeling, while if she hates it she still has some hair. |
Anonymous
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I would let her shave it. It will be months until she is back at school so it has time to grow. Lots of AA women look great with really short hair so if her hair is more AA hair, then I saw go for it.
She can always grow it out if she hates it short. You might not want to shave right to her skin. Maybe leave it a couple inches long or do more of a buzz cut. I wouldn't actually shave it. You could also progressively go shorter so she can see how it looks at each length. Start chopping and go a couple inches at a time. There are also online apps where you can upload your picture and look at yourself with different hair styles. |