Daughter wants to shave her head
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Anonymous
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Before you shave it, you both need to understand what it will take to manage her hair when it grows back in. I understand she doesn’t currently take care of it and you do. But you clearly don’t like taking care of it and probably don’t know how because it’s not the same as yours. Your daughter has probably picked up on this and one of the reasons she’s so eager to shave it.
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Anonymous
She’s asking to manage it the way she wants to. It sounds like she doesn’t want long hair. It’s fine to say manage your own body, but at the same time, she needs to be allowed to choose a style that works for her. This literally might be the only time in her life when she has the time to experiment with a new, extreme look with privacy. |
Anonymous
| One of my friends kids shaved her head a week ago. She looks fine. If you want to do this, right now is the time. |
Anonymous
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you mentioned your daughter is biracial. if i'm reading between the lines correctly, she has more typically "AA" hair vs. typically "white" hair. if this is the case, shaving her head will NOT solve the problem. it will grow back just as coarse/coily, and the shorter it is the LESS options she has.
Simple solution is to leave in conditioner (do not rinse it out), and do a simple ponytail with a braid. DO NOT comb through, just work through with your fingers. If her hair is not long enough or won't cooperate, you can do this in sections. I am AA. Does she have any AA friends or is she in touch with that side of the family? This might be an aunt/grandma/cousin conversation. Wishing you the best. I know this can be a tough time for all types of hair! |
Anonymous
| *fewer options. |
Anonymous
| OP your post is kind of dripping with negativity about your daughter's hair. I'd say let her do with her hair what she wants, and give her the opportunity to learn to care for and love her hair. And maybe consider how your attitude about her hair may be influencing her self image and self esteem. |
Anonymous
I know how to manage her hair. I am not AA, but I am not white either. My daughter’s hair type is 4B, while her sister is more 4A and mine is more 3C. So while nobody has the same hair and definitely nobody has what you are thinking about when you say “white hair”, I am pretty well versed in how to manage it and take very good care of it. Now to those complaining my post lacked “joy” in my description of caring for her hair: My saying she has a lot of hair was a fact. She does. This has nothing to do with how much joy I take in taking care of her hair, because this post is not about me, it’s about her. How much I love her hair, how much I want her hair to be long and how much love I put into taking care of her hair (and her sister’s). As I said, she is on the spectrum and she is a very practical, matter of fact person. Her hair is hot on her neck, so it bothers her. It also bothers her that it takes so long to wash it, detangle it and style it, because it does. Self care of all types are also a daily struggle, it’s not just the hair. FWIW, her sister has very long hair and loves her hair. She is younger, so who knows what she will do when she’s a teen, but so far she has no intentions on having short hair. |
Anonymous
Are you helping her with her hair? I'm white with horribly frizzy, curly hair that's hard to manage. I chemically relax my hair and have done keratin. You need to help her. This poster is correct that shorter hair is much harder to work with. Have her wash it in the morning, use a good leave in conditioner and put it in a braid. You can pull the braid up in a clip or put all the hair in a clip twisting it inside too. There are lots of options beyond shaving it off. If she likes it straight, spend the money on a good keratin treatment and blow it dry. With keratin, it takes 1/2 the time to do and is amazing. |
Anonymous
| This will be the best time ever to try something radical with a hairstyle. Let her shave her head. She will probably love it and look great. As long as she realizes that some people will this he is a boy when she goes out. Is she going to have a problem with that? |
Anonymous
| Let her- it’s her hair. |
Anonymous
It is her head. What would you do if she just did it? Glue it back on? LOL |
Anonymous
| I’d cut it really short at home and see if you can help her manage that. Give it a few days and then shave it if she still wants to. I’m all for letting her experiment, but growing back from a completely shaved head will take a really long time if she regrets it. Do it in steps. You have time to experiment. |
Anonymous
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I would agree to it. If I agreed to it, chances are my daughter would then not follow through on it. Getting the yes, getting the freedom of choice, knowing I hear her and have some understanding - even if I may not completely agree, often soothes what she is seeking. She could still surprise me and end up with a shaved head, but a much shorter cut would more likely be the result.
You can give another no, or be supportive and allow some freedom. |
Anonymous
| I would let her cut it, Mom. My AA DD has 4C hair. I’m AA with natural hair also, so have been able to keep her curls lovely and healthy. However, during quarantine she has been experimenting on her own, with lots of tangles and errors. Makes me cringe!!! However, this is the perfect time to allow our girls to take ownership of her hair. As a woman of color, you understand the deeper issues at play here. We all have to make peace with the fact that society often overlooks our beauty. In love, maybe this unconscious bias is impacting your concern about short hair. This is her journey, let her go. Blessings!! |
Anonymous
| Let her do it. And now- when the stakes are low and it’ll grow back before anyone sees her if she doesn’t like it. |