Bummed out that parents haven't offered to buy us anything for new baby

[Anonymous]

DW and I are pregnant with our first child due in August. This is the first grandchild for my parents, and second for my in-laws. ILs have said that they will buy us a few big ticket items (crib, changing table), in addition to some smaller items, as they did the same when my SIL had her baby. However, my parents have yet to say if they're buying us anything for the baby. Finances aren't an issue; my Mom is a school administrator, and my Dad is retired from big law, and still does occasional contract work. In fact, my Dad's pension vested last year, and my Mom comments "We don't know what to do with all this money!" Additionally, they live a pretty spartan lifestyle, as they hardly ever travel, keep the same car for 10+ years, etc. 

The reason this came to a head was today, as I was talking with my Mom, she had mentioned that they're saving a ton of money by not commuting and putting wear and tear on their cars. I said, "yeah, same with us, but all that money is going to go straight to baby stuff." To which she replied, "good."

While I certainly don't expect them to come forward with a big ticket item like a crib or stroller, but it would be nice to feel like they could contribute something to their first grandchild. The subject of money has always been a bit awkward around my parents, as they feel, for better or worse, that once a child is on their own, they don't need any financial assistance. IL's feel differently, which is probably where my jealously is stemming from. For what it's worth, finances aren't an issue with DW and myself, but there was a time when they were much tighter due to a variety of circumstances, and my parents were well aware of that, but didn't offer to help, so perhaps I'm dealing with some unresolved feelings from that. 

[Anonymous]

Don’t you consider yourself an adult? This isn’t their responsibility.

You are either troll or the most entitled person ever.

[Anonymous]

Short of asking point blank, there’s nothing you can do about it.

And yes, your folks are not very nice. My grandmother was the same way. Very cold and unfeeling person in general, and definitely did not inspire any love from any of her children or grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The subject of money has always been a bit awkward around my parents, as they feel, for better or worse, that once a child is on their own, they don't need any financial assistance. IL's feel differently, which is probably where my jealously is stemming from. For what it's worth, finances aren't an issue with DW and myself, but there was a time when they were much tighter due to a variety of circumstances, and my parents were well aware of that, but didn't offer to help, so perhaps I'm dealing with some unresolved feelings from that. 

I understand that this feeling arose in part because of the comparison to the generosity of your in-laws. But your parents are following their previous pattern, and the rational thing is to find a way to expect that this will continue, forever. Your in-laws might pay into 529s, and then you should assume your parents...will not. Your in-laws might offer to pay for lovely birthday presents, and summer camps, and trips, and then you should assume your parents...will not. If your parents change their pattern in any way, you can be happy. But shield yourself from disappointment by expecting nothing from them financially.

With two sets of grandparents who already have one major difference in the realm of financial generosity, you should also be prepared to see differences between the sets of grandparents in other realms, as well. One set might visit too much, or too little. One set might be too involved when they spend times with your child, or too little involved. Etc. Again, expect nothing (or very little), and then celebrate the ways in which their grandparenting is a good thing for your child.

[Anonymous]

The baby is due in August. It's April. Give them some time to get you a gift. Sheesh. Probably will happen when you have a baby shower??

Good grief.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are the same way. They didn’t help through lost jobs, two in day care, health emergencies etc. my parents had a similar amount of money but were hard working immigrants (who became citizens). They gave us money every year and helped at major junctures. They would rather ,akelide easier for us. Either way, we will inherit from both sides. It’s just a different point of view by each set of parents. FWIW,I’m more in agreement with my parents.

[Anonymous]

You are a grown up! Old enough to procreate! Goodness gracious, buy your baby a bed to sleep in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you consider yourself an adult? This isn’t their responsibility.

You are either troll or the most entitled person ever.

This. How do you know that your parents haven't already planned for something and will give it to you once the child is born.

[Anonymous]

Your parents seem like such nice folks and yet somehow, here you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you consider yourself an adult? This isn’t their responsibility.

You are either troll or the most entitled person ever.

+1

You sound awfully entitled, op.

[Anonymous]

All parents are different and give "gifts" and support in different ways. Try not to compare the two. They both probably love you immensely.

[Anonymous]

So they know what the in laws are going to buy?

[Anonymous]

Don't have kids if you expect others to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

You need to let this go. Nobody owes you a gift, not even your parents. If this bothers you so much, then act differently when you’re a grandparent and model generosity to the kids as they grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP I get it, my marriage is the same. Only grandkids on both sides, my parents do a lot , the in-laws do absolutely nothing. It’s not that we need it but it would be nice. My husband feels bad that my parents dote on the grandkids and his parents are cheap as hell. Money is not an issue for them..