Bummed out that parents haven't offered to buy us anything for new baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m team OP. Parents could absolutely help with grandkids, whether monetarily or with their time. Maybe its a cultural thing. I don’t agree with this WASPy every man for himself attitude. It takes a village to raise a child and people don’t get to retire from family duties because they “did their time.” So glad I’m not a WASP nor married to one.

Not only is the baby not yet born, the due date is not until August. How could you possibly even guess what types of help the grandparents might at some point provide. Time? How exactly would you like for them to provide time now? Jumping to conclusions based on minimal information -- I dunno, maybe it's a cultural thing?

[Anonymous]

Who is pregnant? She is pregnant. Not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the lesbian op that often posts here?

What does this have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Stop beating around the bush- just ask them straight up to buy you something. They are not mind readers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2. "WE" are not pregnant.unless it's two women."
2. It is your kid and your parents have zero responsibility to buy you even a safety pin for your kid. If you can't afford the big items you want, do without!

Apparently, you cannot afford a child.

NP. I hope you don't fall off your high horse, PP. You might break something on the landing.

When I was pregnant, I always referred to the event as "we" are pregnant. My husband had a huge role in the event and I couldn't have done it without him. Just like now when I refer to the kids I talk about "our" kids and not "my" kid.

We are expecting. I am pregnant.

Yup. I used this language. We were expecting, but only my wife was pregnant. I am no less a parent to these children because I was not the one pregnant, but I did not actually carry our children in my body, which is what pregnancy refers. [/quote

nobody ever said Dads aren't less a parent. Just hate the expression "We're pregnant" because you as a male aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the lesbian op that often posts here?

What does this have to do with anything?

Sadly, if OP were a lesbian and not biologically related to the child, it could be why the parents are acting coldly. Not that that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have kids if you expect others to pay for it.

This

Your kids are your responsibility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, my parents got us a GERBER brand set of 3 onesies and a set of 3 jammies. It was like, $16.99 in total from Amazon. They have millions of dollars. We have a quite good HHI but seriously, I'm like, could you please just NOT send ANYTHING instead? It's like, "happy new baby, here's a MCdonald's happy meal for you!" Some people are just not good people.

Maybe they think you are an adult who chose to have a child and therefore should provide for it yourself. Your parents are not obligated to provide for your lifestyle choices. They have done their time. When does their providing $ stop? At their grave? Be an adult!

It's about making a gesture. I guess poor people wouldn't understand

[Anonymous]

Are you hurt or embarrassed? Or both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, my parents got us a GERBER brand set of 3 onesies and a set of 3 jammies. It was like, $16.99 in total from Amazon. They have millions of dollars. We have a quite good HHI but seriously, I'm like, could you please just NOT send ANYTHING instead? It's like, "happy new baby, here's a MCdonald's happy meal for you!" Some people are just not good people.

Maybe they think you are an adult who chose to have a child and therefore should provide for it yourself. Your parents are not obligated to provide for your lifestyle choices. They have done their time. When does their providing $ stop? At their grave? Be an adult!

It's about making a gesture. I guess poor people wouldn't understand

Many people, regardless of net worth, understand that a gesture does not have to cost as much as you think it does. But perhaps the entitled among us don’t understand that.

[Anonymous]

They don’t owe you anything. But when they show up to visit their new grandchild, you can point out the stroller that ILs gave you. And the crib that ILs gave you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t owe you anything. But when they show up to visit their new grandchild, you can point out the stroller that ILs gave you. And the crib that ILs gave you.

If they don't owe them anything why point out gifts and let them know IL's gave them? Very passive aggressive and maybe with IL's supplying gifts they can rightfully figure nothing more is needed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I are pregnant with our first child due in August. This is the first grandchild for my parents, and second for my in-laws. ILs have said that they will buy us a few big ticket items (crib, changing table), in addition to some smaller items, as they did the same when my SIL had her baby. However, my parents have yet to say if they're buying us anything for the baby. Finances aren't an issue; my Mom is a school administrator, and my Dad is retired from big law, and still does occasional contract work. In fact, my Dad's pension vested last year, and my Mom comments "We don't know what to do with all this money!" Additionally, they live a pretty spartan lifestyle, as they hardly ever travel, keep the same car for 10+ years, etc. 

The reason this came to a head was today, as I was talking with my Mom, she had mentioned that they're saving a ton of money by not commuting and putting wear and tear on their cars. I said, "yeah, same with us, but all that money is going to go straight to baby stuff." To which she replied, "good."

While I certainly don't expect them to come forward with a big ticket item like a crib or stroller, but it would be nice to feel like they could contribute something to their first grandchild. The subject of money has always been a bit awkward around my parents, as they feel, for better or worse, that once a child is on their own, they don't need any financial assistance. IL's feel differently, which is probably where my jealously is stemming from. For what it's worth, finances aren't an issue with DW and myself, but there was a time when they were much tighter due to a variety of circumstances, and my parents were well aware of that, but didn't offer to help, so perhaps I'm dealing with some unresolved feelings from that. 

I totally understand your feelings. I do not consider myself entitled as some suggested. If they have so much money, why wouldn’t they help with a nice present?

[Anonymous]

You aren't entitled to a present from anyone.

And, repeat.

Even if they're your parents. Even if other people's parents give you things. Even if it doesn't seem fair. Even if it's the first grandchild on your side. Even if. Even if. Even if.

You are not entitled to a present from anyone. Grow the heck up.

[Anonymous]

Could they be waiting until you get gifts from your registry and plan to fill in with what’s missing? I’d be bummed out, too, but again, they don’t owe you anything. After having my kids, one set of grandparents stepped up way more than the other. This played out over years and guess who the grandkids have the best relationship with now? You guessed it. It all comes full circle.