EX-DH spanked our 6y old
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Anonymous
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Long story short, I think ExDH is struggling with the kids ages 6 and 8 on his weekends, since normally they are packed full of soccer practices, play dates, he takes them a lot of places on the weekend too. I think it’s easiest for him when he keeps our kids buys.
Apparently yesterday the kids were riding bikes in front of his house. They were told to stay within sight. DD ride too far where my EX could barely see her and he yelled for her to come back and she ignored and kept going. He had to chase after her and she thought it was funny making him run after her. He didn’t feel like she was taking what she had just done seriously, so as he walked her back inside very upset he spanked her. My DD told me her version of this phone, and then my ex told me his version. I’m very upset because this is already a traumatic time, he doesn’t need to be adding to the trauma. We do not spank and this certainly in my opinion did not warrant that strong of reaction. I would have just taken the bike for a couple of days and talked about safety. I’m worried this is going to become a pattern since your youngest DD can be quite a challenge. What can I do? |
Anonymous
| Unless you have a time machine you can't stop him from spanking. You can express your feelings but spanking isn't illegal and he gets to parent how he wants (within the boundaries of the law) when he has her. Also, I think biking away is serious and while I don't like spanking, I think a strong response is appropriate. She could have been hit by a car. She was acting like it was a joke. I understand why her dad was upset. He may already feel bad about it. You rubbing it in may only make him more angry and defensive. |
Anonymous
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Nothing. You have different parenting philosophies or maybe he just reacted due to the safety danger. It isn't going to traumatized her unless you make a big deal out of it.
Se did something that was dangerous and what is more dangerous is that she didn't stop when told to. She is more the old enough to follow instructions and to understand when a parent is saying stop due to a dangerous situation that you don't turn it into a game. Hopefully the spanking sticks with her in a way that will keep her from being killed on her bike. |
Anonymous
PP is exactly on target. I don't spank and don't like it as a form of punishment, but your daughter engaged in seriously bad behavior. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| team ex dh |
Anonymous
| Side stepping the spanking issue, if you think your ex is struggling because of the lack of scheduled activities, maybe you can suggest he cut back on visitation until things get back to normal. He may be relieved to see them less right now. |
Anonymous
| I have never spanked my kids, I’m not a fan of it. But if one of my kids did what yours did at that age—biked our of sight and then laughed in my face when I told her it was unsafe, I would have spanked her too. Maybe that spanking will prevent her from getting hit by a car in the future, did you think of that? |
Anonymous
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I came to the thread ready to slam your ex-DH based on the title, but what he did doesn’t sound that bad. If he had spanked for a simple behavioral issue I would have been on your side, but it was a safety issue. Spanking or yelling as a regular thing is terrible but if done very, very sparingly it can make the point.
Also, *of course* your ex-DH is struggling with two kids and no weekend activities! We all are! He sounds like an okay Dad though, so cut him some slack. |
Anonymous
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Your reaction is what I find the bad part of this all. 6- year olds should understand:"Stop!". It's not like he does it often.
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Anonymous
Also, why is this a “traumatic” time for your DD? Did she contract Covid? Did she have a grandparent die of Covid? If not, then she is not experiencing “trauma”. Staying home from school and not going to soccer is not “trauma” FFS. Be stronger for your kids. |
Anonymous
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1. The problem is what force he used. I couldn't care less about a light spanking, especially after what your daughter did, which was not OK, but I would be very concerned about physical and psychological trauma of forceful spanking. Adults don't realize what strength they have compared to how small and fragile children are. 2. Sadly, there's nothing you can do about it. If you call CPS, you're potentially exposing your family. You need to tell your child to listen to their father's instructions. You need to tell your ex to exercise, meditate, and make every effort not to be aggressive towards your daughter. Loud yelling can be traumatic too. He just needs to tone everything down. |
Anonymous
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You sound like a difficult person to coparent with. It isn't your job to 'get both sides of the story'.
And getting upset because your child was doing something dangerous doesn't mean he is struggling. Lots of parents are having a harder time now due to routines changing and life being so different. I think you need to step back and stop looking for things to criticize and attack him about. You are th one being the difficult parent. |
Anonymous
+1 she endangered herself. In this case that spanking will be far more effective than losing the bike and a lecture could ever be. |
Anonymous
| We don’t spank either, but what your dd did was dangerous and required a response that would convey the gravity of the situation and the requirement that she obey her father. This is not something I would hold against him unless he spanked her hard enough to cause bruising or injury. As long as she is physically okay, do not undermine your ex by indicating that he is the one who made the bigger mistake in this situation. |