EX-DH spanked our 6y old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:team ex dh

+1

She won’t do it again. Sometimes, a quick swat accomplishes what talking for weeks, months or years won’t. For something like this, too bad. You need to back him on this, but I know you won’t.

Also, many people are struggling. And your DD is a little sh!t because she is allowed to be. Sounds like he is dealing with that, too. I have a son who is “something else” but I draw the line at safety.

[Anonymous]

It was warranted. If she is a known challenging child then this may help her get how serious her defiant and dangerous actions were.

[Anonymous]

Team ex DH and I don’t spank. You do t run away from parents. It’s not funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was warranted. If she is a known challenging child then this may help her get how serious her defiant and dangerous actions were.

Defiant children are usually the least willing to change their behavior as a result of spanking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. You have different parenting philosophies or maybe he just reacted due to the safety danger. It isn't going to traumatized her unless you make a big deal out of it.

Se did something that was dangerous and what is more dangerous is that she didn't stop when told to. She is more the old enough to follow instructions and to understand when a parent is saying stop due to a dangerous situation that you don't turn it into a game.

Hopefully the spanking sticks with her in a way that will keep her from being killed on her bike.

Agreed. Your 6 year should have listened, it's not like she didn't have ample opportunity.

Does she have any delays... some reason she would act like a 3 year old?

I'm sure you don't want him telling you how to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. The problem is what force he used. I couldn't care less about a light spanking, especially after what your daughter did, which was not OK, but I would be very concerned about physical and psychological trauma of forceful spanking. Adults don't realize what strength they have compared to how small and fragile children are.

2. Sadly, there's nothing you can do about it. If you call CPS, you're potentially exposing your family. You need to tell your child to listen to their father's instructions. You need to tell your ex to exercise, meditate, and make every effort not to be aggressive towards your daughter. Loud yelling can be traumatic too. He just needs to tone everything down.

She doesn't need to tell her ex anything.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t get spanked and we didn’t spank. I am also a teacher, I think this was totally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Turn her bike into a stationary bike.

[Anonymous]

I did something similar when my dad took me and my brother for a visit one weekend. Looking back, it scared him and he sparked me. I never did it again. Sounds like he is scared and probably stressed but who isn’t. Your daughter needs to listen to both parents for her safety.

[Anonymous]

Abuse in domestic situations will grow because of the pandemic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abuse in domestic situations will grow because of the pandemic

This is true. But a swat isn’t abuse. My brother was abused by my dad. It involved belts and fists. Not a rear-end swat for running away.

[Anonymous]

Your tactics don’t work on a child in a dangerous situation like that. She was probably far enough away that he couldn’t talk to her so he yelled. If she heard him and ignored him, sounds like you have some serious talking to do when she gets home. Her defiance (if she really heard him and ignored him) is a problem. Is she normally like that with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abuse in domestic situations will grow because of the pandemic

This situation aside, I do worry about the above, both child abuse from stressed parents and domestic violence where a spouse has no where safe to turn.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

No she just not have delays, she’s a great kid most of the time, but she does however like to be in control. I’m sure this was her trying to control the situation (how far she went, when she came back) She has always been this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

No she just not have delays, she’s a great kid most of the time, but she does however like to be in control. I’m sure this was her trying to control the situation (how far she went, when she came back) She has always been this way.

Sure, that's pretty obvious. She's reacting to the strange situation that we all find ourselves in, and she's trying to gain control by acting out. That she's going for dangerous acting out is the problem.

Since her reaction to being triggered is defiance, she's going to be triggered more and more as this social distancing period stretches on. Check out resources on parenting defiant child to help her manage her triggers. Here's one: https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-handle-defiant-children-620106