EX-DH spanked our 6y old

[Anonymous]

I am not a spanker. But I do believe in certain situations spanking is necessary. My son kept running into the street. I talked with him about many, many times. And he kept doing doing, and thinking it was funny too. I finally spanked him and told him not to go in the street again. Guess what? He knows not to go in the street any more. He knows to wait at the curb and wait for me.

Spanking because you’re angry and can’t control your emotions, NOT OKAY.
Spanking because it’s a safety issue and child isn’t listening is a reason to spank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a time machine you can't stop him from spanking. You can express your feelings but spanking isn't illegal and he gets to parent how he wants (within the boundaries of the law) when he has her. Also, I think biking away is serious and while I don't like spanking, I think a strong response is appropriate. She could have been hit by a car. She was acting like it was a joke. I understand why her dad was upset. He may already feel bad about it. You rubbing it in may only make him more angry and defensive.

PP is exactly on target. I don't spank and don't like it as a form of punishment, but your daughter engaged in seriously bad behavior.

I am not a spanker either but your kid is the one you should be upset with. PPs said it well.. That is dangerous behavior and inappropriate to treat it as a joke. I would lay off your ex and focus on how your kid shouldn’t have done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:team ex dh

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a time machine you can't stop him from spanking. You can express your feelings but spanking isn't illegal and he gets to parent how he wants (within the boundaries of the law) when he has her. Also, I think biking away is serious and while I don't like spanking, I think a strong response is appropriate. She could have been hit by a car. She was acting like it was a joke. I understand why her dad was upset. He may already feel bad about it. You rubbing it in may only make him more angry and defensive.

PP is exactly on target. I don't spank and don't like it as a form of punishment, but your daughter engaged in seriously bad behavior.

+1

The only time I ever spanked one of my kids was when she ran into the street thinking it was funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitting a child is never ever ok.

Not even spanking!

If he didn't like her behavior he could have handled this differently and if he touches her at all again you need to call the police.

It doesn't matter how "soft or light handed" it's still hitting and touching another person. Horrible parenting.

Regardless whether it’s right or wrong, the police aren’t going to do anything about a swat on the butt given by the child’s father.

And your point is? Of course the police will take a police report. And call CPS. While I understand they won't do much maybe just maybe he will think twice next time.

If he even swatted my child a base ball bat would be hitting his hands. And yes, I might go to jail. He has zero business hitting a child even if it's just a "swat" my guess is in this case it was not.

A swat isn't okay but hitting someone with a baseball bat is? You sound somewhat deranged. A swat would do no damage or harm to your child. Finding out their mother attacked their father with a baseball bat would be traumatic for your child. Your approch seems to be to cause as much harm to your child as possible.

+1

You are unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hitting a child is never ever ok.

Not even spanking!

If he didn't like her behavior he could have handled this differently and if he touches her at all again you need to call the police.

It doesn't matter how "soft or light handed" it's still hitting and touching another person. Horrible parenting.

FFS the police have better things to do than deal with a spanking which is not even against the law. I don't care if you think it should. It's not, and the police have real abuse they need to go deal with.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. I don't spank and I don't agree with spanking, but there's nothing to be done about it. It is pretty clear from the tone of your post that you don't like your Ex.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you've read these responses. It's not just your ex-husband who is having trouble with kids now that they can't play with friends and do activities. Your description of him was condescending. You need to back him on this and explain to your daughter that SHE was wrong here. Oh, and I don't spank and was never spanked.

[Anonymous]

I spanked my daughter too when she was young and wandered away and was found several miles from our house. This scares a parent to death! I bet she will NEVER disobey this rule again. Be glad he cared enough to imprint this lesson on her mind forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

No she just not have delays, she’s a great kid most of the time, but she does however like to be in control. I’m sure this was her trying to control the situation (how far she went, when she came back) She has always been this way.

She’s 6. She doesn’t get to control how far she goes on her bike, and when she comes back at this time. You understand that, right? Have you talked to her about this?

When she is older, and has proven herself to be trustworthy (you know, staying within the reasonable boundaries set and stopping when told to stop), she can ride further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was warranted. If she is a known challenging child then this may help her get how serious her defiant and dangerous actions were.

Defiant children are usually the least willing to change their behavior as a result of spanking.

Then defiant child is in for a tough life until they can move out and support themselves. It's called parenting.

She is a child, dad needs to parent better rather than resort to spanking. People parent perfectly fine without hitting their children.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have three kids and have never spanked. This is one area where the research is unanimous - spanking hurts more than it helps.

That said, I think the fact that your daughter called you to complain, and that you listened to your ex’s side of the story - as though he were your daughter’s sibling — says a lot about your own failings as a human being and as a parent.

Whether you like your ex or not, he is an adult who is parenting a child. He has as much right as you to parent his daughter. Your daughter was disrespectful to him and did something dangerous, and your only response is to focus on his response?

You are not being a parent here. You are being a controlling ex-wife who is being disrespectful to your ex-husband and undermining his relationship with his daughter.

I agree that spanking is not the best response, but perhaps that’s the best way your husband knew to get her attention. Your post was focused on making your ex wrong and getting people to agree with you that he should be labeled a bad parent. Most people disagree with you, because your post makes it clear that you are immature and controlling.

You need to figure out how to grow up and co-parent respectfully. Your daughter is only going to get more out-of-control given the way you are parenting. Get some help as a family. Especially get help on parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have three kids and have never spanked. This is one area where the research is unanimous - spanking hurts more than it helps.

That said, I think the fact that your daughter called you to complain, and that you listened to your ex’s side of the story - as though he were your daughter’s sibling — says a lot about your own failings as a human being and as a parent.

Whether you like your ex or not, he is an adult who is parenting a child. He has as much right as you to parent his daughter. Your daughter was disrespectful to him and did something dangerous, and your only response is to focus on his response?

You are not being a parent here. You are being a controlling ex-wife who is being disrespectful to your ex-husband and undermining his relationship with his daughter.

I agree that spanking is not the best response, but perhaps that’s the best way your husband knew to get her attention. Your post was focused on making your ex wrong and getting people to agree with you that he should be labeled a bad parent. Most people disagree with you, because your post makes it clear that you are immature and controlling.

You need to figure out how to grow up and co-parent respectfully. Your daughter is only going to get more out-of-control given the way you are parenting. Get some help as a family. Especially get help on parenting.

I agree. Op owes her ex an apology and needs to start co-parenting like a mature adult. I feel for her DH needing to deal with an ex-wife who is difficult to co-parent with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was warranted. If she is a known challenging child then this may help her get how serious her defiant and dangerous actions were.

Defiant children are usually the least willing to change their behavior as a result of spanking.

Then defiant child is in for a tough life until they can move out and support themselves. It's called parenting.

She is a child, dad needs to parent better rather than resort to spanking. People parent perfectly fine without hitting their children.

Perhaps he needs help figuring out how to get a child who is oppositional and defiant to listen. However, the bigger problem is he has a wife who is treating him like a subservient rather than a partner.

[Anonymous]

I ran out into the street to get a ball when I was 4 and almost got hit by a car. My mother spanked me hard. It caught me completely off guard and I still remember that day. My mom was crying and it set me straight. I didn't completely get the risk factor but I got the message that this was a really really big deal (spanking and mom crying) and I didn't ever do it again.