Ask me anything: I am a kept woman
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Anonymous
| Yikes, had to get the SAHM jab in there, did you? Well even though I don't disrespect SAHMs as much as you appear to, I actually work and always have. I am proud to set an example for my daughters that they can in fact be smart, independent, and have a reason to pursue their education, and have a great family. But how do you even know his wife is a nagging shrew, that was never even mentioned by the OP. Are you projecting your views of a wife on her? The man and OP are obviously total selfish assholes. They are proudly living this life style without regard to anyone else, but no need to bring the ignorant wife into the trash heap. |
Anonymous
Glad you were able to compartmentalize away your mother's unhappiness and mistreatment. |
Anonymous
Yes, all wives and mothers are nagging shrews. I'm sure you know how well that will go over on this board, which is probably why you posted it. |
Anonymous
You sound very old fashioned and out of touch; not realistic at all about the evolving nature of loving adult relationships. |
Anonymous
| Those of you beating the drum that OP and her man are an example of "progressive" views of marriage are unbelievable. You know what might be progressive? DH and his wife sitting down and honestly discussing whether they want to be together, if they want and exclusive or open marriage, and how they will handle the impact of an open marriage with their children. That's not this case. No mutual consent has been given to this love triangle, and in fact it is being kept hidden. That's just cheating, pure and simple. It is selfish. |
Anonymous
You sound like you have low standards. |
Anonymous
+1000 Seriously those people who are describing the OP's affair as "progressive" don't know what the word means. The affair is deceitful and duplicitous. I agree whole-heartedly with the PP that progressive would be a mutually-consenting, transparent open marriage. NOT one in which there is lying and betrayal. |
Anonymous
why would you possibly want to hurt the wife by telling her? everything is fine. |
Anonymous
 Yeah okay, you keep telling yourself that.
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Anonymous
Not the PP. My mother had an affair. My parents stayed married for several years post-affair, and ultimately divorced when I was a teenager. It was her idea. It affected our family life in many ways, some positive and some negative. I do not believe that my mom was a bad mom as a result of her affair. I do not believe that I got flawed modeling about marriage from my parents. In fact, I think they were excellent models of what a bad marriage that should end looked like. They were unhappy for years. I found out about my mom's affair much later, when I was an adult, and looking back on the time when she was involved with the other man (who I do not remember ever meeting in any context), she was a great mom at that time. She threw wonderful birthday parties. She taught me to read. We did cool projects together. I never once felt like my mother was unavailable to me, as a result of her relationship with this man, my father, or anyone else. If anything, looking back now, I respect her right to have some aspects of her life that did not revolve around her children. I know that many people have a different experience. I do not believe that I am "compartmentalizing" my fathers "unhappiness and mistreatment". I understand why my mother cheated, why she did not just get divorced right then and why she ended up divorcing later. I understand why my father feels bitter toward her and I also understand the ways in which he was complicit in the unhappiness in their marriage. It is not excusing a cheater to say that when marriages fail, it is not generally 100% the fault of anyone. My childhood was not ruined as a result of my mother's affair, which she confessed to me about 20 years after the affair itself, nor was it ruined by the dissolution of my parents' marriage. I do not think there's anything wrong with married adults having lives that are separate from their children. Certainly there are parts of my life that my child is not involved in or a primary consideration for. |
Anonymous
how about, because she has a right to know? she should get tested for stds? she has grounds for filing for divorce and getting out of a deceitful marriage? i hope you are being sarcastic.... |
Anonymous
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I kind of thought from the beginning that this thread was merely a ruse to take the opportunity to liken a wife who does not bring home a salary to a "kept woman." |
Anonymous
Your mother had a one-time affair and she chose to end the marriage. They dynamics are very different than than when a woman feels trapped in marriage with a repeat adulterer because she is financially dependent upon him (as many, many women were, and still are). |
Anonymous
Yes. She chose to end the married like 7 years later, due to being trapped in a marriage because she was financially dependent on my dad. My point was that I do not believe that children in my situation, the OP's boyfriend's children's situation, or any other situation are necessarily, absolutely 100% going to have a fucked up miserable childhood as the result of their parents' relationship issues. Several posters lamenting the poor children were basically implying that the kids are guaranteed to be miserable. If these kids do not expect their dad to show up for things, expect him to just go on paying for things, and expect him to have a distant relationship with their mom but still generally be around, then it doesn't really matter what he's doing when he isn't there. If that couple divorces, I think less of the parent who burdens the children with this information. |
Anonymous
+1! The smiley face was obviously misogynistic. Was that you, OP? Is that how you feel about your own mother? |