Ask me anything: I am a kept woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this thread still going on. Do people honestly think that by having this anonymous conversation they can rid the world of cheating and mistresses?

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would the kids be fucked up?

Because their dad is having a long term extra-marital affair, leading a double life, and devoting his time and money to a deceitful relationship. Is it possible the kids will emerge unscathed from this example of a husband and father? Maybe, but his kids are likely going to have some major relationship issues when they grow up. They will not have an ideal marital relationship to model themselves after. If one or both of the kids is a girl, she will likely enter into unhealthy relationships as a result of her father's influence. Kids are not dumb or ignorant. They will likely full well know about the situation sooner rather than later. They will enter into adolescence deeply ambivalent about committed relationships and marriage. It's simply a sad legacy to pass on to your kids.

As for the reasoning, that if it weren't the OP, it would be someone else, that doesn't really absolve the OP from her complicity in this mess. Sure, there would likely be a different mistress, but that doesn't make the OP less culpable for her role in this.

I think you have an unrealistic view of marriage.

\

Because having your spouse lead a double life is realistic?!? WTF?

[Anonymous]

That's a sad story. As a mom I am attempting to raise my daughters as happy, strong, self sufficient, independent women. This "kept woman" thing just screams "total fail" on her parents part. I don't care about this woman, don't feel threatened by her or the likes of her, it simply fascinates me from a parent perspective. I hope my girls are smart enough to recognize a total loser when they see one, I hope they have enough self esteem to not be "bought" by someone. Just gross and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Even as a young person, most young people have the common sense to know that getting involved with a married man with kids is NOT a good idea. Talk about low expectations of your kids. I certainly hope that my kids know that, and I certainly knew that it was just off limits, morally unconscienable to be in a relationship with someone who was married. Didn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.

Hopefully. But there is an awful lot of infidelity out there, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that even your children might make mistakes as adults. BTW, my father cheated on my mother many times and all three of us kids are happily married. It's not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would the kids be fucked up?

Because their dad is having a long term extra-marital affair, leading a double life, and devoting his time and money to a deceitful relationship. Is it possible the kids will emerge unscathed from this example of a husband and father? Maybe, but his kids are likely going to have some major relationship issues when they grow up. They will not have an ideal marital relationship to model themselves after. If one or both of the kids is a girl, she will likely enter into unhealthy relationships as a result of her father's influence. Kids are not dumb or ignorant. They will likely full well know about the situation sooner rather than later. They will enter into adolescence deeply ambivalent about committed relationships and marriage. It's simply a sad legacy to pass on to your kids.

As for the reasoning, that if it weren't the OP, it would be someone else, that doesn't really absolve the OP from her complicity in this mess. Sure, there would likely be a different mistress, but that doesn't make the OP less culpable for her role in this.

I think you have an unrealistic view of marriage.

Certainly not a progressive view of it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a sad story. As a mom I am attempting to raise my daughters as happy, strong, self sufficient, independent women. This "kept woman" thing just screams "total fail" on her parents part. I don't care about this woman, don't feel threatened by her or the likes of her, it simply fascinates me from a parent perspective. I hope my girls are smart enough to recognize a total loser when they see one, I hope they have enough self esteem to not be "bought" by someone. Just gross and sad.

Right?!? This is the angle from which I am looking at it. This is what I keep posting but not many posters really seem to be chiming in. I am pretty shocked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.

So you are actually teaching them to be this judgemental? Handing them stones to cast? That is hardly an open minded, progressive, realistic approach to parenting.

[Anonymous]

people live well their 90s. marriage was "created" when people died in their 40s. So to expect to love someone faithfully and have no sex with anyone else ever again for 50+ years is just unrealistic.

So just get divorced! Right? Well, no. Divorce is very expensive and you might be happy in your situation, just want more intimacy or variety or any other natural human urges. I really think an affair, if discrete and if both parties manage expectations, is fine for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.

So you are actually teaching them to be this judgemental? Handing them stones to cast? That is hardly an open minded, progressive, realistic approach to parenting.

How old are you? Progressive and open-minded does not mean amoral! You bet I want my kids to judge the wrongness of slavery and the Holocaust. I want them to judge carefully the morality of being involved with someone who has taken a vow to be faithful to another. I want them to understand how to respect boundaries and when to break down barriers. Your "progressive" and "realistic" idea of parenting is lazy morality at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would the kids be fucked up?

Because their dad is having a long term extra-marital affair, leading a double life, and devoting his time and money to a deceitful relationship. Is it possible the kids will emerge unscathed from this example of a husband and father? Maybe, but his kids are likely going to have some major relationship issues when they grow up. They will not have an ideal marital relationship to model themselves after. If one or both of the kids is a girl, she will likely enter into unhealthy relationships as a result of her father's influence. Kids are not dumb or ignorant. They will likely full well know about the situation sooner rather than later. They will enter into adolescence deeply ambivalent about committed relationships and marriage. It's simply a sad legacy to pass on to your kids.

As for the reasoning, that if it weren't the OP, it would be someone else, that doesn't really absolve the OP from her complicity in this mess. Sure, there would likely be a different mistress, but that doesn't make the OP less culpable for her role in this.

I think you have an unrealistic view of marriage.

Certainly not a progressive view of it at all.

Since when does a progressive view of marriage include years of deception?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.

So you are actually teaching them to be this judgemental? Handing them stones to cast? That is hardly an open minded, progressive, realistic approach to parenting.

How old are you? Progressive and open-minded does not mean amoral! You bet I want my kids to judge the wrongness of slavery and the Holocaust. I want them to judge carefully the morality of being involved with someone who has taken a vow to be faithful to another. I want them to understand how to respect boundaries and when to break down barriers. Your "progressive" and "realistic" idea of parenting is lazy morality at best.

what color is the sky in your world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a sad story. As a mom I am attempting to raise my daughters as happy, strong, self sufficient, independent women. This "kept woman" thing just screams "total fail" on her parents part. I don't care about this woman, don't feel threatened by her or the likes of her, it simply fascinates me from a parent perspective. I hope my girls are smart enough to recognize a total loser when they see one, I hope they have enough self esteem to not be "bought" by someone. Just gross and sad.

Doesn't seem much different than a SAHM, but she is having a lot more fun. And isn't a nagging shrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.

Hopefully. But there is an awful lot of infidelity out there, and it's not out of the realm of possibility that even your children might make mistakes as adults. BTW, my father cheated on my mother many times and all three of us kids are happily married. It's not the end of the world.

If you say so. Glad you are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

But, really, why should she? The husband is a narcissist, and OP thinks the wife knows her husband has a girlfriend and still stays in the marriage. If the kids turn out screwed up, it actually has very little to do with her. It's not like the husband would be faithful if OP wasn't in the picture. Men like that aren't.

The husband's greater level of guilt and his responsibility to his family does not absolve the mistress of her role in the dysfunction.

Meh. If he's saying it's all good, I can see why she's not wringing her hands over their "ruined" childhood. She doesn't know those kids at all, or know anything about his family other than what he tells her. She's never been a parent. Exhorting a foolish young person to imagine terrible consequences to people they don't know is a waste of energy, especially when her only contact with the family is him!

Maybe I'm naive, but I hope I've taught my children enough about right and wrong that the wouldn't want to participate in breaking up a family or even marriage.

So you are actually teaching them to be this judgemental? Handing them stones to cast? That is hardly an open minded, progressive, realistic approach to parenting.

You're damn straight I judge and teach them to judge this behavior as well. That doesn't mean I hate the person who cheats or can't appreciate how it happens. It just means I know the behavior is wrong. We all do wrong things. This doesn't make our actions okay. They are still wrong, IMO.