My children are the worst coworkers that I have ever had

[Anonymous]

I am gaining a new appreciation for working in a cube.

My new coworkers

Will not stop fooling around;
Have loud conversations when they should be working;
Whisper-yell to themselves as they complete their work;
Constantly ask for breaks;
Make a complete mess of the workspace;
Do not actually complete the work;
Constantly ask for help even when it is not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Mine has made countless appearances on video conference calls.

[Anonymous]

One is chasing me around yelling "Up! UP!" and whining and clinging to my leg when I don't instantly comply. Also has a runny nose and keeps wiping it on me.
The other one keeps begging to watch Blaze and the Monster Machines, to have a snack, to draw outside with chalk, to see the latest LEGO structure he designed.
The worst.

[Anonymous]

OP here: now they are passing really stinky gas and talking about it.

My other new coworker, DH locks himself in a room upstairs because he “needs” to work (whereas I don’t?!?) and decided based on this morning’s events that he would rather brave Costco than face this.

[Anonymous]

Mine is convinced that no one else is required to do any work, and is sobbing because I am a Mean Boss.

[Anonymous]

Hahaha mine just HAS to have a hug every 30 seconds. He is 11 BTW.

[Anonymous]

OP can you get them educational games instead? This thing is going to last a long time so don't burn out. Slow and steady wins.

Maybe a mix of games and reading at intervals would be less stressful.

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Kind of thrilled that I still have to go to the office. DH gets to teach and work at the same time at home.

[Anonymous]

One of my friends on Facebook is posting a picture of each of her kids every day, saying whether they've been fired as part of her home office team.

I don't think any of them have survived a day still employed, lol!

[Anonymous]

If we are back in school in May, don’t forget to thank their teachers!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I've never before had co-workers complain so often about being touched by another co-worker. ("He touched me!" "He touched me first!" "I only touched him because he touched my stuff!" "That's my stuff and you touched it first!")

I'm going to have to develop a Workplace Code of Conduct and Statement Against Harassment, and break out a Powerpoint presentation about what happens to co-workers who can't keep their hands to themselves. Except this PPT will not say "Bring your complaint to management as soon as possible so that the situation can be remedied." Instead it will say "Shut up and deal with your siblings like normal human beings. Or go to your room and play by yourself if you can't."

[Anonymous]

One watches YouTube constantly and doesn’t do a shred of work. The other barks and interrupts important calls.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the laugh, OP!

[Anonymous]

This is one of the most amusing threads we've had in a while. Maybe the site needs a Best Of like Craig's List has.

[Anonymous]

and they are constantly taking snack breaks!