If your MIL snuck into your house and cleaned it...

[Anonymous]

...how would you react?

My sister in law has been staying with us on and off for a year and a half due to health issues. My mother in law has major, major boundary issues, which is why my sister in law doesn’t stay with her. It’s been a problem because my sil’s presence gives mil freedom to drop by whenever.

Also background: mil cut off her own in laws from their only grandkids permanently when DH was a kid so that’s her approach. And yes, she divorced her husband too many years later. She is a control freak who will not allow most people in her house, or any changes to her routine.

I am 7 months pregnant and working like a demon, as is my husband. My three kids also all had birthdays this week and I had small family parties for all of them, which mil attended, as well as an unavoidable dinner for another couple last night. The house...could be cleaner after four big dinner events in a row. After working all this Sunday morning, DH and I took kids to church, lunch and a museum.

When we got home at dinner, I noticed that the house looked...strangely better? I asked sil and she said that mil has come in and cleaned.

I know that this was probably supposed to be nice, but I am furious at the underlying judgement and the fact that she was as usual in my house while I’m gone, f-ing around with my stuff. Yes, I know my house is messy (but it’s not unsanitary or anything -/ I have a weekly cleaning lady).

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

What does your husband say about this? It's his mother.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband talk to her. Offering is nice. Coming in without your permission is crossing a line. If SIL let her in, talk to her also.

[Anonymous]

She cleaned it - say thank you and confiscate the keys from the SIL.

Also give the cleaning lady a week off and consolidate your three kids birthdays born in the same week to one a one day mega-party.

Your family and their friend's parents will love you for it.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure I’d mind. When I was in the hospital my MIL and FIL power washed our deck, swept the garage and scrubbed the front porch. It looked great! I might have been irked if they had organized my linen closet, but I loved how clean it all was. I’m totally okay with someone cleaning my kitchen too. Your SIL is already staying with you so I assume that’s how MIL got in? I would want to know who comes and goes at my place.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I'd thank her and be thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...how would you react?

My sister in law has been staying with us on and off for a year and a half due to health issues. My mother in law has major, major boundary issues, which is why my sister in law doesn’t stay with her. It’s been a problem because my sil’s presence gives mil freedom to drop by whenever.

Also background: mil cut off her own in laws from their only grandkids permanently when DH was a kid so that’s her approach. And yes, she divorced her husband too many years later. She is a control freak who will not allow most people in her house, or any changes to her routine.

I am 7 months pregnant and working like a demon, as is my husband. My three kids also all had birthdays this week and I had small family parties for all of them, which mil attended, as well as an unavoidable dinner for another couple last night. The house...could be cleaner after four big dinner events in a row. After working all this Sunday morning, DH and I took kids to church, lunch and a museum.

When we got home at dinner, I noticed that the house looked...strangely better? I asked sil and she said that mil has come in and cleaned.

I know that this was probably supposed to be nice, but I am furious at the underlying judgement and the fact that she was as usual in my house while I’m gone, f-ing around with my stuff. Yes, I know my house is messy (but it’s not unsanitary or anything -/ I have a weekly cleaning lady).

What would you do?

You will never know the exact details about why your MIL cut off her own in laws years ago. I’m not even sure how that information is relevant tbh. How does your husband feel about this? If your MIL attended this party/dinner thing and later realized that things have not been straightened up she might have felt semi-responsible for cleaning. For instance, if I attended a party at my sisters house and came back later and realized she has not gotten a chance to clean up, I would likely straighten up some things and would not think twice about or judge her for not getting around to it. What exactly do you
Mean by “f-ing” around with your stuff? Did she go through sensitive material or did she just straighten up? Your post makes me think you have deeper issues with your MIL for whatever reason and it would probably be beneficial to talk things out instead of letting it escalate.

[Anonymous]

My husband knows it is so bizarre but he is a nice guy who loves his bizarre mother and it really hurts him when I freak out about these things.

But I probably will freak out anyway. It’s bad enough that my sister in-law has been a semi permanent house guest. And yes, mil cut off her own too... wouldn’t even see her, let alone let her stay for weeks and months. Meanwhile, nobody has ever spent the night with mil, due to her “trouble sleeping.” She’s on very shaky terms with her family.

She rearranged the pillows on my couches and everything.

[Anonymous]

When SIL leaves, change the locks.

[Anonymous]

I would just say thank you. I wouldn’t mind at all about MIL going through my things. I’m not entirely clear why others care so much.

[Anonymous]

I'd be thrilled. Well, I'd probably feel judged, but I'm willing to put up with that.
But I love my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband knows it is so bizarre but he is a nice guy who loves his bizarre mother and it really hurts him when I freak out about these things.

But I probably will freak out anyway. It’s bad enough that my sister in-law has been a semi permanent house guest. And yes, mil cut off her own too... wouldn’t even see her, let alone let her stay for weeks and months. Meanwhile, nobody has ever spent the night with mil, due to her “trouble sleeping.” She’s on very shaky terms with her family.

She rearranged the pillows on my couches and everything.

Outed yourself too soon, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how would you react?

My sister in law has been staying with us on and off for a year and a half due to health issues. My mother in law has major, major boundary issues, which is why my sister in law doesn’t stay with her. It’s been a problem because my sil’s presence gives mil freedom to drop by whenever.

Also background: mil cut off her own in laws from their only grandkids permanently when DH was a kid so that’s her approach. And yes, she divorced her husband too many years later. She is a control freak who will not allow most people in her house, or any changes to her routine.

I am 7 months pregnant and working like a demon, as is my husband. My three kids also all had birthdays this week and I had small family parties for all of them, which mil attended, as well as an unavoidable dinner for another couple last night. The house...could be cleaner after four big dinner events in a row. After working all this Sunday morning, DH and I took kids to church, lunch and a museum.

When we got home at dinner, I noticed that the house looked...strangely better? I asked sil and she said that mil has come in and cleaned.

I know that this was probably supposed to be nice, but I am furious at the underlying judgement and the fact that she was as usual in my house while I’m gone, f-ing around with my stuff. Yes, I know my house is messy (but it’s not unsanitary or anything -/ I have a weekly cleaning lady).

What would you do?

I do know why she cut them off: she thought they had “dark energy.” But she did let them pay for a year of sil’s college, even tho they had never been allowed to meet sil. Ever.

I mention it because she has no idea how to behave. Her in-laws lived in California and she could not even suffer a visit every few years. She lives three miles from me.

You will never know the exact details about why your MIL cut off her own in laws years ago. I’m not even sure how that information is relevant tbh. How does your husband feel about this? If your MIL attended this party/dinner thing and later realized that things have not been straightened up she might have felt semi-responsible for cleaning. For instance, if I attended a party at my sisters house and came back later and realized she has not gotten a chance to clean up, I would likely straighten up some things and would not think twice about or judge her for not getting around to it. What exactly do you
Mean by “f-ing” around with your stuff? Did she go through sensitive material or did she just straighten up? Your post makes me think you have deeper issues with your MIL for whatever reason and it would probably be beneficial to talk things out instead of letting it escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband knows it is so bizarre but he is a nice guy who loves his bizarre mother and it really hurts him when I freak out about these things.

But I probably will freak out anyway. It’s bad enough that my sister in-law has been a semi permanent house guest. And yes, mil cut off her own too... wouldn’t even see her, let alone let her stay for weeks and months. Meanwhile, nobody has ever spent the night with mil, due to her “trouble sleeping.” She’s on very shaky terms with her family.

She rearranged the pillows on my couches and everything.



Outed yourself too soon, troll.

I swear that I am not a troll.

She honestly did. That’s the first thing I noticed.