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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]...how would you react?

My sister in law has been staying with us on and off for a year and a half due to health issues. My mother in law has major, major boundary issues, which is why my sister in law doesn’t stay with her. It’s been a problem because my sil’s presence gives mil freedom to drop by whenever.

Also background: mil cut off her own in laws from their only grandkids permanently when DH was a kid so that’s her approach. And yes, she divorced her husband too many years later. She is a control freak who will not allow most people in her house, or any changes to her routine.

I am 7 months pregnant and working like a demon, as is my husband. My three kids also all had birthdays this week and I had small family parties for all of them, which mil attended, as well as an unavoidable dinner for another couple last night. The house...could be cleaner after four big dinner events in a row. After working all this Sunday morning, DH and I took kids to church, lunch and a museum.

When we got home at dinner, I noticed that the house looked...strangely better? I asked sil and she said that mil has come in and cleaned.

I know that this was probably supposed to be nice, but I am furious at the underlying judgement and the fact that she was as usual in my house while I’m gone, f-ing around with my stuff. Yes, I know my house is messy (but it’s not unsanitary or anything -/ I have a weekly cleaning lady).

What would you do?

[/quote]

You will never know the exact details about why your MIL cut off her own in laws years ago. I’m not even sure how that information is relevant tbh. How does your husband feel about this? If your MIL attended this party/dinner thing and later realized that things have not been straightened up she might have felt semi-responsible for cleaning. For instance, if I attended a party at my sisters house and came back later and realized she has not gotten a chance to clean up, I would likely straighten up some things and would not think twice about or judge her for not getting around to it. What exactly do you
Mean by “f-ing” around with your stuff? Did she go through sensitive material or did she just straighten up?  Your post makes me think you have deeper issues with your MIL for whatever reason and it would probably be beneficial to talk things out instead of letting it escalate. [/quote]

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