Friend doesn’t let me drive or host her DD

[Anonymous]

We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

[Anonymous]

Chances are it’s either cultural or psychological; in either case it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Accept it and nurture the friendship however you can. It’s not her DD‘s fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chances are it’s either cultural or psychological; in either case it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Accept it and nurture the friendship however you can. It’s not her DD‘s fault.

This.

One of DD’s closest friends is from a West African nation and her family is devout Muslim. DD can socialize at her home, but not vice versa. I don’t take it personally.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My friend does allow her DD to be driven around by some Indian college student, a friend or a relative. So I feel it’s just me.

[Anonymous]

Maybe its how you do things, car seats, etc. I don't let a lot of people drive mine as they don't use proper car seats.

[Anonymous]

She thinks you are a dangerous driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My friend does allow her DD to be driven around by some Indian college student, a friend or a relative. So I feel it’s just me.

I would assume it is anxiety. Maybe you said something small once and she cannot let it go. But do not take it personally. This is her issue. If it really becomes a problem, it is ok to ask if there is something that you could do to make her more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Do you also have a son? I’ve been told by a “friend” with daughters that she could never trust any boy around her girls. She knew very well I have boys and girls. I understand people have misgivings around boys, but to actually voice them out loud in front of someone with sons is just wrong.

Perhaps you should be glad your friend didn’t actually specify why she was like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do you also have a son? I’ve been told by a “friend” with daughters that she could never trust any boy around her girls. She knew very well I have boys and girls. I understand people have misgivings around boys, but to actually voice them out loud in front of someone with sons is just wrong.

Perhaps you should be glad your friend didn’t actually specify why she was like that!

No, I only have a DD and the kids are past car seat age and I have never had an accident yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do you also have a son? I’ve been told by a “friend” with daughters that she could never trust any boy around her girls. She knew very well I have boys and girls. I understand people have misgivings around boys, but to actually voice them out loud in front of someone with sons is just wrong.

Perhaps you should be glad your friend didn’t actually specify why she was like that!

No, I only have a DD and the kids are past car seat age and I have never had an accident yet.

Depends on the car and child. My 10 year old is in a booster in most cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Maybe she has seen you speeding in the neighborhood? I’ve seen a couple of my DD friends parents driving horrible in the neighborhood and it definitely
Has made me think twice. Lol it could be a million different reasons though. I do not let my DD drive with anyone other than family either. I wouldn’t take it too personally though.

[Anonymous]

It could also just be cultural. You're not Indian. All of the other drivers are. Many people are also flat-out opposed to sleep-overs and leaving their children alone with other adults, for fear of something horrible happening. I had a friend in high school this way - I was always welcome there but she was never allowed at my house, never allowed to drive in anyone else's car who wasn't the same ethnicity, and her parents were terrified of sexual abuse (not from an deep-seeded experience or anything like that). They grew up in different countries and that is just how things were done there. Try not to take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Is your car clean inside, does it smell clean? My child would not like to ride
in cars that had any air refreshers or had food or dust on the floor or seats.

[Anonymous]

I married into an Indian family. I know this is a big ask but try to just let it roll off you. The cultural differences are real.

[Anonymous]

What is their religion, OP? They may have religious reasons for saying no. Also, there are please of parents who don’t allowed sleepovers.