Friend doesn’t let me drive or host her DD

[Anonymous]

^^please = plenty

[Anonymous]

My Chinese relatives would do the same. If you’re not family, or from another Chinese family they’ve know for decades (or staff of course) you can’t be trusted. So my cousins were only allowed to be friends with other cousins and no sleepovers with non-cousins allowed. Don’t take it personally - it’s not you, it’s them

[Anonymous]

It's cultural, please nurture the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could also just be cultural. You're not Indian. All of the other drivers are. Many people are also flat-out opposed to sleep-overs and leaving their children alone with other adults, for fear of something horrible happening. I had a friend in high school this way - I was always welcome there but she was never allowed at my house, never allowed to drive in anyone else's car who wasn't the same ethnicity, and her parents were terrified of sexual abuse (not from an deep-seeded experience or anything like that). They grew up in different countries and that is just how things were done there. Try not to take it personally.

Not cultural, flat out discrimination. Replace Indian with white and see if you feel the same.

OP, tell this woman to go F herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is their religion, OP? They may have religious reasons for saying no. Also, there are please of parents who don’t allowed sleepovers.

They’re not muslim. Hindu, but not very religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your car clean inside, does it smell clean? My child would not like to ride
in cars that had any air refreshers or had food or dust on the floor or seats.

The car is clean and the DC wants to ride with us.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I’ve had friends like this. But, the differences in parenting created problems.

I have many Indian friends. The ones who are American born are more similar to me, and the ones who are immigrants are different culturally. Overall, both groups are cautious and don’t like their kids to be away on play dates/sleepovers unless they REALLY REALLY trust you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I’ve had friends like this. But, the differences in parenting created problems.

I have many Indian friends. The ones who are American born are more similar to me, and the ones who are immigrants are different culturally. Overall, both groups are cautious and don’t like their kids to be away on play dates/sleepovers unless they REALLY REALLY trust you.

Isn’t it insane though? These are not little kids. 10 years old. Wth?

[Anonymous]

Anxiety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could also just be cultural. You're not Indian. All of the other drivers are. Many people are also flat-out opposed to sleep-overs and leaving their children alone with other adults, for fear of something horrible happening. I had a friend in high school this way - I was always welcome there but she was never allowed at my house, never allowed to drive in anyone else's car who wasn't the same ethnicity, and her parents were terrified of sexual abuse (not from an deep-seeded experience or anything like that). They grew up in different countries and that is just how things were done there. Try not to take it personally.

This was my mom (not Indian but from a European country). I was never allowed to go anywhere with other parents or my friends houses unless she knew the family extremely well. Especially not if they had brothers/dads/uncles around. Sleepovers, until high school, were with only 2 trusted families. It isn’t anything personal OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your car clean inside, does it smell clean? My child would not like to ride
in cars that had any air refreshers or had food or dust on the floor or seats.

Dust??? Really, what you have a maid a few times a week and a car detailer weekly too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I’ve had friends like this. But, the differences in parenting created problems.

I have many Indian friends. The ones who are American born are more similar to me, and the ones who are immigrants are different culturally. Overall, both groups are cautious and don’t like their kids to be away on play dates/sleepovers unless they REALLY REALLY trust you.

Isn’t it insane though? These are not little kids. 10 years old. Wth?

They just simply don’t trust anyone who isn’t in their family or a close personal friend. That didn’t work for me, so I encouraged my DD to make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I’ve had friends like this. But, the differences in parenting created problems.

I have many Indian friends. The ones who are American born are more similar to me, and the ones who are immigrants are different culturally. Overall, both groups are cautious and don’t like their kids to be away on play dates/sleepovers unless they REALLY REALLY trust you.

Isn’t it insane though? These are not little kids. 10 years old. Wth?

They just simply don’t trust anyone who isn’t in their family or a close personal friend. That didn’t work for me, so I encouraged my DD to make new friends.

And, that's fine. I want to know someone and visit their house before I hand over my child. Its not just immigrant groups, I'm not.

The cars are a huge issue for me as mine and a lot of other kids I see should be in booster seats as they don't fit in the seats well in most (some are ok) cars. If you don't have the common sense to keep your 6-10+ year old in a booster and don't use one for mine, you are not driving my child. I'll meet you or your kids can come with us. Other issue is supervision. A lot of parents invite friends over and ignore the kids. I don't know your home, set up or parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And, that's fine. I want to know someone and visit their house before I hand over my child. Its not just immigrant groups, I'm not.

The cars are a huge issue for me as mine and a lot of other kids I see should be in booster seats as they don't fit in the seats well in most (some are ok) cars. If you don't have the common sense to keep your 6-10+ year old in a booster and don't use one for mine, you are not driving my child. I'll meet you or your kids can come with us. Other issue is supervision. A lot of parents invite friends over and ignore the kids. I don't know your home, set up or parenting.

OP here.

a) Of course, they have visited our house and know us
b) The kid rides with her parents without booster sit. She too tall and big to sit in a booster seat. Jeez
c) How much supervision does a 10 year old need? Do you follow your 10 year old around in play dates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This was my mom (not Indian but from a European country). I was never allowed to go anywhere with other parents or my friends houses unless she knew the family extremely well. Especially not if they had brothers/dads/uncles around. Sleepovers, until high school, were with only 2 trusted families. It isn’t anything personal OP.

So basically it comes down to a trust issues. If you don’t trust your child to be alone with me, then are we really friends?