Friend doesn’t let me drive or host her DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your car clean inside, does it smell clean? My child would not like to ride
in cars that had any air refreshers or had food or dust on the floor or seats.

Dust??? Really, what you have a maid a few times a week and a car detailer weekly too?

+1. Do not allow a child to become uppity an early age. Nip that in the bud pronto!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I’ve had friends like this. But, the differences in parenting created problems.

I have many Indian friends. The ones who are American born are more similar to me, and the ones who are immigrants are different culturally. Overall, both groups are cautious and don’t like their kids to be away on play dates/sleepovers unless they REALLY REALLY trust you.

Isn’t it insane though? These are not little kids. 10 years old. Wth?

They just simply don’t trust anyone who isn’t in their family or a close personal friend. That didn’t work for me, so I encouraged my DD to make new friends.

I understand they have cultural differences, and I have seen this in action. However I would not continue such a friendship for my DD. Encourage other friendships. It’s real racism and very awkward and insulting.

If she doesn't allow any other moms to host her DC without her, then yes, it's cultural. If she doesn't allow any non-Indians, then sadly it is racism.

[Anonymous]

It's cultural OP.
And feel for her dd, she will probably have real issues with her family later in life if she becomes totally Americanized.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you are very close friends, so I understand why she may not want her DD to go to a sleepover to your house. The other indians that you mentioned could be more like an extended family to her or you might have mentioned something that stuck to her and is making her anxious. If not, then it could be racism.

[Anonymous]

It is cultural. You may be a nice person, but you are not someone that she will trust with her child. I am the same way. I am very reluctant to trust people outside of my culture. Truth be told most immigrant women do not trust American women no matter how nice you appear to be. Many immigrant women tend to be conservative. We take threat to many of the loose and liberal parental styles that some Americans practice. Also, what is okay or normal in your culture may be offensive in your friend's culture.

Please do not take it personal. It is cultural and you will never understand our ways. Just focus on the children's friendships without being overbearing. Do not be pushy or create unnecessary drama. You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is cultural. You may be a nice person, but you are not someone that she will trust with her child. I am the same way. I am very reluctant to trust people outside of my culture. Truth be told most immigrant women do not trust American women no matter how nice you appear to be. Many immigrant women tend to be conservative. We take threat to many of the loose and liberal parental styles that some Americans practice. Also, what is okay or normal in your culture may be offensive in your friend's culture.

Please do not take it personal. It is cultural and you will never understand our ways. Just focus on the children's friendships without being overbearing. Do not be pushy or create unnecessary drama. You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

You don’t have to take it personally but neither do you misunderstand that you or your DD are not really friends. Merely acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is cultural. You may be a nice person, but you are not someone that she will trust with her child. I am the same way. I am very reluctant to trust people outside of my culture. Truth be told most immigrant women do not trust American women no matter how nice you appear to be. Many immigrant women tend to be conservative. We take threat to many of the loose and liberal parental styles that some Americans practice. Also, what is okay or normal in your culture may be offensive in your friend's culture.

Please do not take it personal. It is cultural and you will never understand our ways. Just focus on the children's friendships without being overbearing. Do not be pushy or create unnecessary drama. You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

Hello my child is my prized and valuable member of my family too. You don’t trust me fine. Let’s just wave when we pass each other. Or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

I agree. Another American here that does the same. I also prefer not driving or hosting other kids in my home without the parent. Too risky and I make no apologies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

Really? I do have a child and send her to other friends homes without thinking twice. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

Because I let her drive my child?

I don’t feel like we are at acquaintance level. We’ve known each other for years. Go to playdates, kids birthday parties, I visited her in a hospital when she was sick. I invited them to join our sports team and because of this I see them every week. Otherwise, I don’t see them often as they have numerous Indian parties to attend on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

I agree. Another American here that does the same. I also prefer not driving or hosting other kids in my home without the parent. Too risky and I make no apologies.

So what are going to do when your child gets older? When they’re in high school never let them go to friends house without you?

[Anonymous]

Wow! So, she is not a user and not comfortable with your driving her dd. Sounds like most of dcum! Also, are you a slob?

[Anonymous]

Just in my small circle of friends I've had:

- A mom that only hangout with us when her husband was on business trips because he didn't like her to go out or have friends

- A mom that wouldn't go to the pool with us because my DD swam better than her DD and she didn't want her DC to feel insecure.

- And now a mom that won't let us drive or have alone time with her DD.

- A mom who goes to the movies with her teenage son and the girl he wants to date.

Does it seem crazy or what? Do I attract overprotective, anxious people?

[Anonymous]

Some of you need anxiety therapy.