How many kids do you have, and if you could change anything, would have had more?

[Anonymous]

Three and that number has been perfect for us. The oldest turned 4 a few days after #3 was born and while it was chaotic it was also a lot of fun and today they are adults and best friends. My husband was happy with two but I really wanted a third and my vote outweighed his and when I told him I was pregnant he was very happy. We never considered a fourth.

[Anonymous]

I have three sisters and could not fathom the thought of having to make my way in the world as an adult without them around. Therefore, I don't believe in only children. Once I reached the point (late to the committed relationship game, lack of true motherhood drive) I realized that any baby would be a one and done, I opted out of having any at all. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three sisters and could not fathom the thought of having to make my way in the world as an adult without them around. Therefore, I don't believe in only children. Once I reached the point (late to the committed relationship game, lack of true motherhood drive) I realized that any baby would be a one and done, I opted out of having any at all. No regrets.

That’s so sad! I’m a very happy only child. Like you, I wouldn’t have wanted my family any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three sisters and could not fathom the thought of having to make my way in the world as an adult without them around. Therefore, I don't believe in only children. Once I reached the point (late to the committed relationship game, lack of true motherhood drive) I realized that any baby would be a one and done, I opted out of having any at all. No regrets.

This is tragic. You missed out on having kids because of your own relationship with siblings? Very strange and you should see a therapist. I can imagine that having three sisters is amazing. But it’s also unusual. Many people have two kids, one kids, one boy and a girl etc and it’s still a wonderful experience.

[Anonymous]

If my kids weren’t so stubborn and difficult, I’d have had a third, and I’d be a SAHM. Can’t tell you how many people tell me their two close in age kids play together constantly. Mine are constantly at war. And it’s hell getting them to do anything I need them to do.

[Anonymous]

I’m the youngest of 3 (each 2 years apart) and loved it. But my parents had resources, we all had our rooms etc. My mother stayed at home and before that was a teacher so she was cut out for it. She wanted 6, but they stopped at 3... My husband didn’t like being one of 4 and I think a lot of that is his parents ran out of energy - the younger two feel that they were a bit neglected and DH (oldest) agrees. Apart from attention and space they were generally always pressed for finances and then FIl lost his job....

I have two. Would love 3 in a different world but my body didn’t do super well with the 2nd pregnancy, I’m 41, and this is the number we have finances and energy for. I’d need a bigger home with a man cave for my husband and a lot more help around the house to consider 3 and even then feel I’m too old. My DH is actually getting a vasectomy soon.

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom by choice. I have one child. If I had more money or help, I would have one more. But I don’t have more money or help, and I started late, so one it is. (Probably! Unless I suddenly come into money. Very soon.)

[Anonymous]

4, no more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 (twins and a third) and debated for years about having a 4th. In retrospect I'm so happy we didn't have the 4th.
Why?

-I've found the older my kids get, the crazier their (and our) lives are. Mine are now 13, 13, 10. We run like crazy people taking them to practices, school events, concerts, parties, etc.
I feel like I exist in roller skates and I'm always driving. Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep. In my experience it gets nuts when they're in middle school.

-I'm now 45 and I'm far more tired than I was at 40. I felt like 41-42 was interchangeable with 30 or 35. These last few years I've felt age creep on. I've discussed this with many friends and we all agree. There's a shift in energy, etc that happens mid 40's.

-We love to travel internationally with our kids and it gets SO much easier each year. We've gone on a big trip every year since our youngest was 2 (so the past 8 years). My kids became pros at sitting on long-haul flights (Asia, etc) since they were young. They visit museums, historical sights like it's their job. However, it all gets so much easier each year. Even if your kids are good travelers, when they're young they're just slower and everything takes a million years. Now at 13 and 10 they pack themselves. They can deal with jet lag without a hiccup. They can wait to pee if the next bathroom isn't for 2 more hours. They don't need a drink or complain even if they're thirsty. They can run for a train connection, etc. All these things (over the course of a vacation) make a trip far more enjoyable. Also we're now able to do far more interesting things--we just came back from skiing in Europe. Lats winter we went backpacking in Patagonia. None of this would be possible if we still had a young kid in the mix.

I'm an earlier poster with 2 who now and again regrets not having another (but generally happy with where we are). EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older. Sure, it's annoying to have a crawling baby and a potty training toddler etc etc, but the logistics of their activities and lives in general gets exponentially more difficult once they hit late elementary and you really need to have a plan in place for managing that (flexible jobs, strong family and/or neighborhood support, etc).

I think you're both forgetting how hard the little kid years are. The sheer physical exhaustion, constant touching, tantrums, etc., all compound the potty-sleep-bedtime-don't touch that-don't eat that-everything else. Parents I trust with grown kids have said that it's hard all the way through, but the hard parts change. But what they don't do is act like the little kid years were a breeze, because they know better. I mean, unless you have automatons for children, I guess. I wouldn't even say my three are super challenging (the oldest, sometimes), and knock wood, they're typically developing and mostly healthy, but still. It's so, so unfair to the parents of small kids to pretend that they have it easy.

Uh, no one said that at all...??

+1. All they said is the logistics get harder as kids get older, because of extra curricular activities, etc. Nobody said the little kid years are easy.

Logistics are harder for sure, but you sleep every night, you are not carrying your kids 10 hours a day, you are not watching them every second because afraid they might fall/ eat poison/ diet, etc. By the time kids are in elementary school they can dress, shower, feed themselves... I mean the list is endless. I have three kids (8, 5 and 10 months) and the first two are so much easier than the baby. Yes I have to drive them around on weekends and the nanny does a bit of that during the week as well, but let’s be honest, I will take 3 elementary school kids over a 10 month old any day