How many kids do you have, and if you could change anything, would have had more?

[Anonymous]

Until my first was about 18 months old, I was firmly “one and done”. After #2 was born, I never once considered a third and I don’t regret stopping where we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 (twins and a third) and debated for years about having a 4th. In retrospect I'm so happy we didn't have the 4th.
Why?

-I've found the older my kids get, the crazier their (and our) lives are. Mine are now 13, 13, 10. We run like crazy people taking them to practices, school events, concerts, parties, etc.
I feel like I exist in roller skates and I'm always driving. Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep. In my experience it gets nuts when they're in middle school.

-I'm now 45 and I'm far more tired than I was at 40. I felt like 41-42 was interchangeable with 30 or 35. These last few years I've felt age creep on. I've discussed this with many friends and we all agree. There's a shift in energy, etc that happens mid 40's.

-We love to travel internationally with our kids and it gets SO much easier each year. We've gone on a big trip every year since our youngest was 2 (so the past 8 years). My kids became pros at sitting on long-haul flights (Asia, etc) since they were young. They visit museums, historical sights like it's their job. However, it all gets so much easier each year. Even if your kids are good travelers, when they're young they're just slower and everything takes a million years. Now at 13 and 10 they pack themselves. They can deal with jet lag without a hiccup. They can wait to pee if the next bathroom isn't for 2 more hours. They don't need a drink or complain even if they're thirsty. They can run for a train connection, etc. All these things (over the course of a vacation) make a trip far more enjoyable. Also we're now able to do far more interesting things--we just came back from skiing in Europe. Lats winter we went backpacking in Patagonia. None of this would be possible if we still had a young kid in the mix.

I'm an earlier poster with 2 who now and again regrets not having another (but generally happy with where we are). EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older. Sure, it's annoying to have a crawling baby and a potty training toddler etc etc, but the logistics of their activities and lives in general gets exponentially more difficult once they hit late elementary and you really need to have a plan in place for managing that (flexible jobs, strong family and/or neighborhood support, etc).

I think you're both forgetting how hard the little kid years are. The sheer physical exhaustion, constant touching, tantrums, etc., all compound the potty-sleep-bedtime-don't touch that-don't eat that-everything else. Parents I trust with grown kids have said that it's hard all the way through, but the hard parts change. But what they don't do is act like the little kid years were a breeze, because they know better. I mean, unless you have automatons for children, I guess. I wouldn't even say my three are super challenging (the oldest, sometimes), and knock wood, they're typically developing and mostly healthy, but still. It's so, so unfair to the parents of small kids to pretend that they have it easy.

[Anonymous]

We have three and they are each two years apart. It was the right number for us and the age differences were perfect. Today they are all adults and they are great friends. We never really thought about how expensive children are and I know that today it is a much bigger issue given child care and education costs. But three would likely still be my number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 (twins and a third) and debated for years about having a 4th. In retrospect I'm so happy we didn't have the 4th.
Why?

-I've found the older my kids get, the crazier their (and our) lives are. Mine are now 13, 13, 10. We run like crazy people taking them to practices, school events, concerts, parties, etc.
I feel like I exist in roller skates and I'm always driving. Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep. In my experience it gets nuts when they're in middle school.

-I'm now 45 and I'm far more tired than I was at 40. I felt like 41-42 was interchangeable with 30 or 35. These last few years I've felt age creep on. I've discussed this with many friends and we all agree. There's a shift in energy, etc that happens mid 40's.

-We love to travel internationally with our kids and it gets SO much easier each year. We've gone on a big trip every year since our youngest was 2 (so the past 8 years). My kids became pros at sitting on long-haul flights (Asia, etc) since they were young. They visit museums, historical sights like it's their job. However, it all gets so much easier each year. Even if your kids are good travelers, when they're young they're just slower and everything takes a million years. Now at 13 and 10 they pack themselves. They can deal with jet lag without a hiccup. They can wait to pee if the next bathroom isn't for 2 more hours. They don't need a drink or complain even if they're thirsty. They can run for a train connection, etc. All these things (over the course of a vacation) make a trip far more enjoyable. Also we're now able to do far more interesting things--we just came back from skiing in Europe. Lats winter we went backpacking in Patagonia. None of this would be possible if we still had a young kid in the mix.

I'm an earlier poster with 2 who now and again regrets not having another (but generally happy with where we are). EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older. Sure, it's annoying to have a crawling baby and a potty training toddler etc etc, but the logistics of their activities and lives in general gets exponentially more difficult once they hit late elementary and you really need to have a plan in place for managing that (flexible jobs, strong family and/or neighborhood support, etc).

I think you're both forgetting how hard the little kid years are. The sheer physical exhaustion, constant touching, tantrums, etc., all compound the potty-sleep-bedtime-don't touch that-don't eat that-everything else. Parents I trust with grown kids have said that it's hard all the way through, but the hard parts change. But what they don't do is act like the little kid years were a breeze, because they know better. I mean, unless you have automatons for children, I guess. I wouldn't even say my three are super challenging (the oldest, sometimes), and knock wood, they're typically developing and mostly healthy, but still. It's so, so unfair to the parents of small kids to pretend that they have it easy.

I've never met a parent who said it was easy! Even if your children are saints they take a ton of work. I'm a SAHM with four children 8 and under and it is non-stop work and exhausting. But they are my little people and I adore them.....99% of the time1

[Anonymous]

A close family friend had her last at 42. She was never the same. They both bitterly regretted they stressed her body at that point. Since my mother was older as well, it is something we discussed quite a bit. It is very hard for them to be in their 60's and 70's and still have children in middle/high school and university.

You get tired, even if you are in good shape. It is also a lot to put on your kids as they are tending you and trying to launch their own families.

I would enjoy life with 2 and feel blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and it's wonderful. One of my kids has special needs, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I doubt any of your kids are even half as awesome as he is!

Why did you feel the need to say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 (twins and a third) and debated for years about having a 4th. In retrospect I'm so happy we didn't have the 4th.
Why?

-I've found the older my kids get, the crazier their (and our) lives are. Mine are now 13, 13, 10. We run like crazy people taking them to practices, school events, concerts, parties, etc.
I feel like I exist in roller skates and I'm always driving. Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep. In my experience it gets nuts when they're in middle school.

-I'm now 45 and I'm far more tired than I was at 40. I felt like 41-42 was interchangeable with 30 or 35. These last few years I've felt age creep on. I've discussed this with many friends and we all agree. There's a shift in energy, etc that happens mid 40's.

-We love to travel internationally with our kids and it gets SO much easier each year. We've gone on a big trip every year since our youngest was 2 (so the past 8 years). My kids became pros at sitting on long-haul flights (Asia, etc) since they were young. They visit museums, historical sights like it's their job. However, it all gets so much easier each year. Even if your kids are good travelers, when they're young they're just slower and everything takes a million years. Now at 13 and 10 they pack themselves. They can deal with jet lag without a hiccup. They can wait to pee if the next bathroom isn't for 2 more hours. They don't need a drink or complain even if they're thirsty. They can run for a train connection, etc. All these things (over the course of a vacation) make a trip far more enjoyable. Also we're now able to do far more interesting things--we just came back from skiing in Europe. Lats winter we went backpacking in Patagonia. None of this would be possible if we still had a young kid in the mix.

I'm an earlier poster with 2 who now and again regrets not having another (but generally happy with where we are). EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older. Sure, it's annoying to have a crawling baby and a potty training toddler etc etc, but the logistics of their activities and lives in general gets exponentially more difficult once they hit late elementary and you really need to have a plan in place for managing that (flexible jobs, strong family and/or neighborhood support, etc).

I think you're both forgetting how hard the little kid years are. The sheer physical exhaustion, constant touching, tantrums, etc., all compound the potty-sleep-bedtime-don't touch that-don't eat that-everything else. Parents I trust with grown kids have said that it's hard all the way through, but the hard parts change. But what they don't do is act like the little kid years were a breeze, because they know better. I mean, unless you have automatons for children, I guess. I wouldn't even say my three are super challenging (the oldest, sometimes), and knock wood, they're typically developing and mostly healthy, but still. It's so, so unfair to the parents of small kids to pretend that they have it easy.

Uh, no one said that at all...??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close family friend had her last at 42. She was never the same. They both bitterly regretted they stressed her body at that point. Since my mother was older as well, it is something we discussed quite a bit. It is very hard for them to be in their 60's and 70's and still have children in middle/high school and university.

You get tired, even if you are in good shape. It is also a lot to put on your kids as they are tending you and trying to launch their own families.

I would enjoy life with 2 and feel blessed.

How does the math work to be in your 70s and have a kid even in university if you had a baby at 42??? By the time she turned 60 everyone is in college at the very least. Don't get the math here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 (twins and a third) and debated for years about having a 4th. In retrospect I'm so happy we didn't have the 4th.
Why?

-I've found the older my kids get, the crazier their (and our) lives are. Mine are now 13, 13, 10. We run like crazy people taking them to practices, school events, concerts, parties, etc.
I feel like I exist in roller skates and I'm always driving. Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep. In my experience it gets nuts when they're in middle school.

-I'm now 45 and I'm far more tired than I was at 40. I felt like 41-42 was interchangeable with 30 or 35. These last few years I've felt age creep on. I've discussed this with many friends and we all agree. There's a shift in energy, etc that happens mid 40's.

-We love to travel internationally with our kids and it gets SO much easier each year. We've gone on a big trip every year since our youngest was 2 (so the past 8 years). My kids became pros at sitting on long-haul flights (Asia, etc) since they were young. They visit museums, historical sights like it's their job. However, it all gets so much easier each year. Even if your kids are good travelers, when they're young they're just slower and everything takes a million years. Now at 13 and 10 they pack themselves. They can deal with jet lag without a hiccup. They can wait to pee if the next bathroom isn't for 2 more hours. They don't need a drink or complain even if they're thirsty. They can run for a train connection, etc. All these things (over the course of a vacation) make a trip far more enjoyable. Also we're now able to do far more interesting things--we just came back from skiing in Europe. Lats winter we went backpacking in Patagonia. None of this would be possible if we still had a young kid in the mix.

I'm an earlier poster with 2 who now and again regrets not having another (but generally happy with where we are). EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older. Sure, it's annoying to have a crawling baby and a potty training toddler etc etc, but the logistics of their activities and lives in general gets exponentially more difficult once they hit late elementary and you really need to have a plan in place for managing that (flexible jobs, strong family and/or neighborhood support, etc).

I think you're both forgetting how hard the little kid years are. The sheer physical exhaustion, constant touching, tantrums, etc., all compound the potty-sleep-bedtime-don't touch that-don't eat that-everything else. Parents I trust with grown kids have said that it's hard all the way through, but the hard parts change. But what they don't do is act like the little kid years were a breeze, because they know better. I mean, unless you have automatons for children, I guess. I wouldn't even say my three are super challenging (the oldest, sometimes), and knock wood, they're typically developing and mostly healthy, but still. It's so, so unfair to the parents of small kids to pretend that they have it easy.

Uh, no one said that at all...??

+1. All they said is the logistics get harder as kids get older, because of extra curricular activities, etc. Nobody said the little kid years are easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close family friend had her last at 42. She was never the same. They both bitterly regretted they stressed her body at that point. Since my mother was older as well, it is something we discussed quite a bit. It is very hard for them to be in their 60's and 70's and still have children in middle/high school and university.

You get tired, even if you are in good shape. It is also a lot to put on your kids as they are tending you and trying to launch their own families.

I would enjoy life with 2 and feel blessed.

Ok. Well, when my youngest sibling was born, my mom was 47 & my dad was 53. No regrets. They managed fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 (twins and a third) and debated for years about having a 4th. In retrospect I'm so happy we didn't have the 4th.
Why?

-I've found the older my kids get, the crazier their (and our) lives are. Mine are now 13, 13, 10. We run like crazy people taking them to practices, school events, concerts, parties, etc.
I feel like I exist in roller skates and I'm always driving. Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep. In my experience it gets nuts when they're in middle school.

-I'm now 45 and I'm far more tired than I was at 40. I felt like 41-42 was interchangeable with 30 or 35. These last few years I've felt age creep on. I've discussed this with many friends and we all agree. There's a shift in energy, etc that happens mid 40's.

-We love to travel internationally with our kids and it gets SO much easier each year. We've gone on a big trip every year since our youngest was 2 (so the past 8 years). My kids became pros at sitting on long-haul flights (Asia, etc) since they were young. They visit museums, historical sights like it's their job. However, it all gets so much easier each year. Even if your kids are good travelers, when they're young they're just slower and everything takes a million years. Now at 13 and 10 they pack themselves. They can deal with jet lag without a hiccup. They can wait to pee if the next bathroom isn't for 2 more hours. They don't need a drink or complain even if they're thirsty. They can run for a train connection, etc. All these things (over the course of a vacation) make a trip far more enjoyable. Also we're now able to do far more interesting things--we just came back from skiing in Europe. Lats winter we went backpacking in Patagonia. None of this would be possible if we still had a young kid in the mix.

I'm an earlier poster with 2 who now and again regrets not having another (but generally happy with where we are). EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older. Sure, it's annoying to have a crawling baby and a potty training toddler etc etc, but the logistics of their activities and lives in general gets exponentially more difficult once they hit late elementary and you really need to have a plan in place for managing that (flexible jobs, strong family and/or neighborhood support, etc).

I think you're both forgetting how hard the little kid years are. The sheer physical exhaustion, constant touching, tantrums, etc., all compound the potty-sleep-bedtime-don't touch that-don't eat that-everything else. Parents I trust with grown kids have said that it's hard all the way through, but the hard parts change. But what they don't do is act like the little kid years were a breeze, because they know better. I mean, unless you have automatons for children, I guess. I wouldn't even say my three are super challenging (the oldest, sometimes), and knock wood, they're typically developing and mostly healthy, but still. It's so, so unfair to the parents of small kids to pretend that they have it easy.

Uh, no one said that at all...??

+1. All they said is the logistics get harder as kids get older, because of extra curricular activities, etc. Nobody said the little kid years are easy.

“Having multiple kids is easy when they're young and REALLY easy when they're under 5 and all you're worrying about is feeding them, dressing them and getting them to sleep.”

“EVERYONE I know who has 3 has said the thing about how much harder it is when they're older.”

Yes, it was SO easy when I had three kids five and under. So, so easy. Not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and it's wonderful. One of my kids has special needs, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I doubt any of your kids are even half as awesome as he is!

Why did you feel the need to say that?

Because OP made it clear she did not want a child with special needs. Well some of us have children with special needs and they’re pretty amazing! I’m so sick of people acting like parenting our kids would be such an awful thing. Of course we’d all like our children to have an easy life but my child’s life is very much worth living and I would have him a million times over. Either you want a child or you don’t.

[Anonymous]

I have 2
If I had my way, then maybe just 1 would have been wiser. I am talking about financially, with regard to getting by with smaller home, perhaps a nicer area, more time to devote to kid, less stress, more resources, more money for education support

I sometimes feel like I failed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and it's wonderful. One of my kids has special needs, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I doubt any of your kids are even half as awesome as he is!

Why did you feel the need to say that?

Because OP made it clear she did not want a child with special needs. Well some of us have children with special needs and they’re pretty amazing! I’m so sick of people acting like parenting our kids would be such an awful thing. Of course we’d all like our children to have an easy life but my child’s life is very much worth living and I would have him a million times over. Either you want a child or you don’t.

Have you considered therapy for your anger? Seriously. It’s misplaced. It is not wrong for people to not want a child with special needs. That doesn’t mean your kid isn’t amazing and the OP never said that. You telling everyone their kids aren’t half as awesome as yours is very mean spirited. I also have a special needs child, but I wasn’t offended at all by OP. In fact, it’s one reason we decided AGAINST a third. Please take some time and figure out why you’re so angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In an ideal world, I would have had more than 2. Lots of factors intervened. Two is what I ended up with, not by choice, and since DH has cancer, we will not adopt. Overtime, this saddens me less, but it was once a hole in my heart.

I’m sorry, Pp. I hope your DH’s cancer goes into remission and soon.