Am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend since August of 2016. He owns a home, and I rent. I have been wanting to move in together. He says his goal is for us to own a home together ‘one day’, but that he’s not willing to sell his current home. Which I completely understand, and am not asking him to do. After some pressure on my end, he says he will try and rent his home out so we can live together. But then there is always something that’s comes up. He wants to renovate x, y, z first...he says there’s not enough room in my house for his things, etc etc.

He says he wants to marry me one day. He has started staying at my house every day and night. He asks me, why isn’t this enough? Why do I need him to also give up his house? I told him that I want to save money on expenses, so that we can have our own home together one day. Right now, there’s absolutely no way to save that kind of money living separately. He thinks I’m pressuring him and need to give him more time. I think that it’s been 3.5 years, and that’s long enough to figure things out. Am I in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

What do you think, OP? What’s your gut telling you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my boyfriend since August of 2016. He owns a home, and I rent. I have been wanting to move in together. He says his goal is for us to own a home together ‘one day’, but that he’s not willing to sell his current home. Which I completely understand, and am not asking him to do. After some pressure on my end, he says he will try and rent his home out so we can live together. But then there is always something that’s comes up. He wants to renovate x, y, z first...he says there’s not enough room in my house for his things, etc etc.

He says he wants to marry me one day. He has started staying at my house every day and night. He asks me, why isn’t this enough? Why do I need him to also give up his house? I told him that I want to save money on expenses, so that we can have our own home together one day. Right now, there’s absolutely no way to save that kind of money living separately. He thinks I’m pressuring him and need to give him more time. I think that it’s been 3.5 years, and that’s long enough to figure things out. Am I in the wrong here?

I'm confused. Why can't you move in with him into the house he currently owns?

I'd cut your losses and move on. There's something very odd here.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you guys move into his current home together if you rent?

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you live together is his house that he owns? Seem easier for you to give up your rental than he sell his house.

Am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

How old are each of you?

[Anonymous]

Tell him to sh#t or get off the pot. You need to dump this guy. He will never marry you.

[Anonymous]

No one is wrong. You want him to sell and save, he doesn't want to. The only thing wrong here is you spending more time with this person who isn't going to be your life partner because he has shown you everything you need to see to know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Assuming you’re both over the age of 25, I’d let him know that you have a life goal of marriage and family, and if he’s up for being a part of that, great, but if not, it’s time for you to move on. And then move on. If he wants to chase you down with a ring, cool, but don’t sit around waiting for it. And absolutely do not move in with him without a ring and a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to sh#t or get off the pot. You need to dump this guy. He will never marry you.

+1000000

He's just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to sh#t or get off the pot. You need to dump this guy. He will never marry you.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! We have a winner! 0P, your boyfriend does not want to get married. He’s using the house as an excuse. Cut your losses and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to sh#t or get off the pot. You need to dump this guy. He will never marry you.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding! We have a winner! 0P, your boyfriend does not want to get married. He’s using the house as an excuse. Cut your losses and move on.

T
H
I
S

1
0
0
0
%

[Anonymous]

OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

He doesn’t sound like someone who wants to marry you. He doesn’t want to live with you. You could easily just move into his house but he doesn’t want that either.

I would move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

You are just one person moving into his house. You will survive in a smaller space for a little bit and so will your kids. Schedules can be adjusted, rooms can be shared. What is the custody situation?

Has he ever offered for you to move in with him? Does he want his kids to have their own space? There are a lot of missing elements in your story. He's either committed to a future with you or not -- and it looks like a no for now.