Am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

There are kids involved and you are divorced. I get it now. I’m Team BF. Better not to rush.

Do your kids get along?

Are you the same poster who said your kids just met for first time and are planning to go together away for spring break.

Ugh I’m beginning to be one of those people who can recognize similar posts.

[Anonymous]

How old are his kids? Your kids? That’s a huge part of the story to leave out.

[Anonymous]

Moving in together is much more complicated with multiple children and custody schedules. It is smart of the BF to be hesitant.

How old are the kids?

Are you just trying to save money? Well obviously if you don’t have to pay rent it would save you money. Don’t mess up a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

You are just one person moving into his house. You will survive in a smaller space for a little bit and so will your kids. Schedules can be adjusted, rooms can be shared. What is the custody situation?

Has he ever offered for you to move in with him? Does he want his kids to have their own space? There are a lot of missing elements in your story. He's either committed to a future with you or not -- and it looks like a no for now.

it’s not just one person moving into his house... I have 3 boys. He has a daughter. His house is only a 3 bedroom, and his daughter needs her own room. My kids are teens and pre-teens...they can’t all share 3 boys to a small room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

You are just one person moving into his house. You will survive in a smaller space for a little bit and so will your kids. Schedules can be adjusted, rooms can be shared. What is the custody situation?

Has he ever offered for you to move in with him? Does he want his kids to have their own space? There are a lot of missing elements in your story. He's either committed to a future with you or not -- and it looks like a no for now.

it’s not just one person moving into his house... I have 3 boys. He has a daughter. His house is only a 3 bedroom, and his daughter needs her own room. My kids are teens and pre-teens...they can’t all share 3 boys to a small room.

You two do not need to live together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

There are kids involved and you are divorced. I get it now. I’m Team BF. Better not to rush.

Do your kids get along?

Are you the same poster who said your kids just met for first time and are planning to go together away for spring break.

Ugh I’m beginning to be one of those people who can recognize similar posts.

I don’t want to rush him but it’s been 3.5 years...that’s rushing things?

Our kids get along. He has a daughter but she lives with her mom during the school year.

And no, I’m not that poster with the spring break situation. Our kids have met multiple times and everyone gets along well.

[Anonymous]

IM guessing he’s hesitant to become instant parent to 3 boys that aren’t his. Having said that, I do not think you are wrong. 3 years is long enough to know if you want to live together/coparent etc.

[Anonymous]

This guy is uncertain whether he wants to make a life-long commitment to you, regardless of what he says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

There are kids involved and you are divorced. I get it now. I’m Team BF. Better not to rush.

Do your kids get along?

Are you the same poster who said your kids just met for first time and are planning to go together away for spring break.

Ugh I’m beginning to be one of those people who can recognize similar posts.

I don’t want to rush him but it’s been 3.5 years...that’s rushing things?

Our kids get along. He has a daughter but she lives with her mom during the school year.

And no, I’m not that poster with the spring break situation. Our kids have met multiple times and everyone gets along well.

You are not just asking him to move in together. You are basically asking him to father your THREE children.

I have 3 kids and our house is chaotic. Lots of fighting. It is a mess. I am always trying to get my kids to help clean up, do dishes or start a load of laundry. I can’t imagine another person’s children in my small house.

AND he has a daughter. You are trying to move in 3 teen/preteen boys with his 1 daughter.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want to get married and probably never will. You have to decide if you can live with that. If you can’t, then end it. But know that you will not convince him to change.

That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

HE IS TELLING YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BUT YOU AREN'T LISTENING. Read what you wrote here, again.

He doesn't want what you want. It's time for you to move on this relationship has run its course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

There are kids involved and you are divorced. I get it now. I’m Team BF. Better not to rush.

Do your kids get along?

Are you the same poster who said your kids just met for first time and are planning to go together away for spring break.

Ugh I’m beginning to be one of those people who can recognize similar posts.

I don’t want to rush him but it’s been 3.5 years...that’s rushing things?

Our kids get along. He has a daughter but she lives with her mom during the school year.

And no, I’m not that poster with the spring break situation. Our kids have met multiple times and everyone gets along well.

You are not just asking him to move in together. You are basically asking him to father your THREE children.

I have 3 kids and our house is chaotic. Lots of fighting. It is a mess. I am always trying to get my kids to help clean up, do dishes or start a load of laundry. I can’t imagine another person’s children in my small house.

AND he has a daughter. You are trying to move in 3 teen/preteen boys with his 1 daughter.

His daughter is only with him in the summer and on school breaks/holidays. I split custody 50/50 with my ex, so I have my kids every other week. They are older and pretty self-reliant, which does make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

HE IS TELLING YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BUT YOU AREN'T LISTENING. Read what you wrote here, again.

He doesn't want what you want. It's time for you to move on this relationship has run its course.

I have told him multiple times exactly that...we just don’t want the same things. But he’s insistent that I’m wrong and being crazy about things. And I don’t always think I’m right, which is why I like to hear other people’s opinions who don’t know either of us.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds he likes it as it is. He has his house, his life, his daughter, but he can still stay with you most nights with no long term commitment. He's getting the best of all worlds. Of course he is going to say that you're the crazy one. That's how they do it and get away with it.

He needs to commit or not. Or you need to accept that it will not change. He will always have his back-up plan. And he is getting way more out of this than you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you are wrong for wanting more but it is a lot to take in a family of 4. It isn’t just you. He has a home for him and his daughter. He is already divorced.

You should decide if this is enough for you. Does he treat you well? Are you happy being with him? Do you want more children?

I’m a 41yo mom of 3 and unhappily married. My twice divorced friend has told me how hard it is out there to date. Many men will put their kids first and I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing. He sounds like a good guy.

How is his relationship with your 3 boys? This is key here. He may want to be with you but not want to grow his family of 1 child to 4 children. 3 teens means 3 extra college tuitions.