Am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you make more money and buy your own house. If you are relying on him you are doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

If I wanted to buy my own house, I could. I make more $ than my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was financially a good idea to be stuck with a mortgage the second I divorced, so I didn’t have a problem renting. I have never asked him for money, and my ex and I will be solely responsible for paying my childrens college tuitions.

He doesn’t help carpool. Maybe once a month he takes my oldest son to his soccer game when I’m at work, but that’s it.

Is it wrong to want to share finances after you’ve been dating someone nearly 4 years? I’m truly asking why that’s a bad thing to want. Just because I’m divorced, doesn’t mean I can never want to get married again. He’s not wealthier than I am, I’m not looking for his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

HE IS TELLING YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BUT YOU AREN'T LISTENING. Read what you wrote here, again.

He doesn't want what you want. It's time for you to move on this relationship has run its course.

I have told him multiple times exactly that...we just don’t want the same things. But he’s insistent that I’m wrong and being crazy about things. And I don’t always think I’m right, which is why I like to hear other people’s opinions who don’t know either of us.

I think it will be hard for you to find someone who will want to marry you and take in your three kids.

I have 3 kids and have considered divorce. The main reason I stay is for my kids. I’m certain someone out there could make me happier. I know no one will love my kids like DH and for that I stay. I would hate for anyone to think my kids are baggage. I’m sorry, OP, you have a lot of baggage. It doesn’t help that he has a small house.

He isn’t ready to move in, get married or grow his family with 3 teens.

[Anonymous]

He's never going to be ready and is happy with the status quo. If you want more in life. you need to move on. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

If I wanted to buy my own house, I could. I make more $ than my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was financially a good idea to be stuck with a mortgage the second I divorced, so I didn’t have a problem renting. I have never asked him for money, and my ex and I will be solely responsible for paying my childrens college tuitions.

He doesn’t help carpool. Maybe once a month he takes my oldest son to his soccer game when I’m at work, but that’s it.

Is it wrong to want to share finances after you’ve been dating someone nearly 4 years? I’m truly asking why that’s a bad thing to want. Just because I’m divorced, doesn’t mean I can never want to get married again. He’s not wealthier than I am, I’m not looking for his money.

You are 38 with a teen so you must have married young. It is not wrong to want more. You want to feel loved and want him to commit.

I do think it is premature to try to combine finances when you aren’t married. DH and I didn’t combing finances until after we had our first child together.

Could you potentially do a nesting situation with your ex so your boys can stay in the same home while you and ex take turns leaving?

I bet you could move into your boyfriend’s house on weeks you don’t have your boys.

[Anonymous]

He is wise.

[Anonymous]

70% of second marriages with kids end in divorce.

[Anonymous]

I understand why he is dragging his feet. It's not a situation that benefits him at all, only you.

Also, I simply would not combine households with kids without marriage. You're not a 24 year old wanting to play house

Either after 3.5 years you are headed to marriage or not. Or you wait till just saw out of high school

[Anonymous]

One day may be when your kids are off to college.

How old is his daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my boyfriend since August of 2016. He owns a home, and I rent. I have been wanting to move in together. He says his goal is for us to own a home together ‘one day’, but that he’s not willing to sell his current home. Which I completely understand, and am not asking him to do. After some pressure on my end, he says he will try and rent his home out so we can live together. But then there is always something that’s comes up. He wants to renovate x, y, z first...he says there’s not enough room in my house for his things, etc etc.

He says he wants to marry me one day. He has started staying at my house every day and night. He asks me, why isn’t this enough? Why do I need him to also give up his house? I told him that I want to save money on expenses, so that we can have our own home together one day. Right now, there’s absolutely no way to save that kind of money living separately. He thinks I’m pressuring him and need to give him more time. I think that it’s been 3.5 years, and that’s long enough to figure things out. Am I in the wrong here?

How is his relationship with your 3 preteen/teen boys? It sounds like he doesn't want to blend the families. Are you happy with him? Would the two of you want to have children together? Are you both divorced? What do the children say and want?

This issue about living together or not is moot. The bigger issue is whether you are both on the same page wrt to the future. 3.5 years is a long time. This doesn't sound like it will work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to sh#t or get off the pot. You need to dump this guy. He will never marry you.

My grandma said this too. Listen to everyone. If you are dating that long with no plan of marriage he has no intention of marrying you if you bring it up and he still will not commit. Maybe he's cheating and she is at his home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer is very different since you are divorced with 3 kids. What is really the point of getting married with 4 minor children when your arrangement is fine as is? I understand why he doesn’t want to uproot his house and life to live in a rental, honestly.

It is financially better for OP. Duh! She could share her expenses of raising her THREE children. She wants to save up for their future house together aka her house since she can’t afford a house on her own, which is why she is renting.

I had posted pp assuming OP was in her 20s and childless. Everything different now that she has stated that both sides are divorced and children on both sides.

I believe the BF’s daughter lives mostly at mom’s house during the school year. He has a quiet house. Why in the world would he want to bring in THREE children into his quiet calm house.

Teenagers are moody. They smell. They are often messy. They cost lots of money and probably constantly want and need money.

Does he help drive your kids around after school? I have 3 kids and DH and I need to constantly juggle driving 3 kids to activities and often carpool because the 2 of us can’t be at 3 places.

You should put your 3 boys first. Or maybe you are by trying to better your financial situation by splitting bills with your boyfriend.

If I wanted to buy my own house, I could. I make more $ than my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was financially a good idea to be stuck with a mortgage the second I divorced, so I didn’t have a problem renting. I have never asked him for money, and my ex and I will be solely responsible for paying my childrens college tuitions.

He doesn’t help carpool. Maybe once a month he takes my oldest son to his soccer game when I’m at work, but that’s it.

Is it wrong to want to share finances after you’ve been dating someone nearly 4 years? I’m truly asking why that’s a bad thing to want. Just because I’m divorced, doesn’t mean I can never want to get married again. He’s not wealthier than I am, I’m not looking for his money.

Is his house even big enough? You'd need a 4-5 bedroom house and have you discussed expenses? You should be paying more as you have multiple kids probably with you full time. It isn't about college but the daily care taking, privacy and expenses. He isn't going to marry you so move on. It really sounds like you are looking for free rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 40, i’m 38. We are both divorced with kids. The house he owns is not big enough for all of us. The house that I rent is big enough.

To be clear, I’m not asking him to sell. But i want to work on the goal of building OUR life together, which in my opinion means sharing expenses, buying our own home together, etc etc. I’m just asking him to rent his home out, and move in together. But he’s reluctant and says I’m pressuring him, and that he already stays at my place everyday, so why isn’t that enough.

You are just one person moving into his house. You will survive in a smaller space for a little bit and so will your kids. Schedules can be adjusted, rooms can be shared. What is the custody situation?

Has he ever offered for you to move in with him? Does he want his kids to have their own space? There are a lot of missing elements in your story. He's either committed to a future with you or not -- and it looks like a no for now.

it’s not just one person moving into his house... I have 3 boys. He has a daughter. His house is only a 3 bedroom, and his daughter needs her own room. My kids are teens and pre-teens...they can’t all share 3 boys to a small room.

They can share a small room and you could make it work but that is the issue. Maybe his daughter doesn't want you and three boys there. That is a huge deal for her.