Good, sobering read for anyone considering being an affair partner

[Anonymous]

There’s always a lot of discussion about whether cheaters are justified in their choice to cheat and lots of discussion about how the spouse who’s been cheated on should respond, but not so much on the perspective of the OW or AP.
Here I think the moral of the story is you can’t go into a cheating situation as the AP without expecting lies, lies and more lies, and you can’t expect your cheating lover to make any commitment to you, the AP. Lastly your cheating lover will never put your feelings first because he isn’t considering his wife’s feelings. And men who says they’re unhappy with their marriage, considering separating, in the process of divorce are probably lying so they don’t have to say they’re cheating when they get together with you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/between-the-sheets/201809/how-the-other-woman-or-man-fares-after-affair

[Anonymous]

Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I don't think single women want to advertise this sort of situation. I have a friend who told me about it after the fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I think it is hard for people to accept that this may be a choice for some people. They CHOOSE to cheat and don't care about the family, partner, spouse or even really about the person they are sleeping with outside their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

One theme I see is the “my situation is different” idea. In the end they aren’t different. Except for you I’m sure you’re different.

[Anonymous]

For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

[Anonymous]

I was in a two-year relationship when I found out he was actually married. We were both overseas and his wife was here so it was not hard to conceal. Long story short, after ending it briefly I went back to him and my self-image never truly recovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

I know someone like this... going on right now. She is single, never married, no kids. She is super smitten at him (I have no idea why, he's really nothing special). He's never going to leave his wife. Told her the usual sob story - he married his wife too young (college sweethearts), no passion, no sex, nothing in common anymore, she's let herself go, he can't leave because she can't function without him, etc etc. My friend is a highly educated and accomplished person and I can't believe she bought any of that BS.

[Anonymous]

I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a two-year relationship when I found out he was actually married. We were both overseas and his wife was here so it was not hard to conceal. Long story short, after ending it briefly I went back to him and my self-image never truly recovered.

So are you still with home and he’s still married?

[Anonymous]

I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

You are the definition of a POS. Just divorce your wife and be honest. Do you have daughters? I wonder how you would feel about them being someone’s AP, or more importantly them having a husband as crappy as you. You suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So I assume this is about novelty since you have 3 different AP’s. Can’t you have all the novelty you want if you divorce? Why isn’t that an awesome choice for you? Kids will be fine.