Good, sobering read for anyone considering being an affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I had about 15 affair partners in 5 years. A little over half were married and had their own reasons for stepping out but all of them claimed to be in sexless marriages except one. That one said her sex life was great, she just had a lot of resentment towards her DH so she did it out of spite I guess (I really didn't care why). The not-married women really surprised me although those "relationships" were shorter, in general than the married women. Surprised because I assumed no sigle woman wanted that kind of FWB relationship with a married man, but I was proven wrong. Also, it was the single women who pursued me where I pursued all the married women.

OMG, 15 AP’s? I hope you’re not with your wife anymore. If you are, are you still cheating? Please do women a favor and don’t ever marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I would imagine at least some OW are single by choice and do not want a full time partner.

I love my DH, but if he dies in the next 20 years, I am done with monogamy. It’s not that I want to have sex with an endless stream of people, I just don’t want to owe anyone anything regarding my sexual activity.

What does that have to do with dating married men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

+1. My spouse did not behave differently. He was a very good liar.

Sociopath? How did you catch him?

DP. In my case, someone informed me. Spouse still lied about it all after being confronted -- had to find evidence on my own. Would not have thought that spouse was a sociopath before this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

+1. My spouse did not behave differently. He was a very good liar.

Sociopath? How did you catch him?

DP. In my case, someone informed me. Spouse still lied about it all after being confronted -- had to find evidence on my own. Would not have thought that spouse was a sociopath before this.

Also, this is why I strongly advise to look for evidence before confronting spouse, if you want the truth. Otherwise, the evidence will disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

+1. My spouse did not behave differently. He was a very good liar.

Sociopath? How did you catch him?

DP. In my case, someone informed me. Spouse still lied about it all after being confronted -- had to find evidence on my own. Would not have thought that spouse was a sociopath before this.

Also, this is why I strongly advise to look for evidence before confronting spouse, if you want the truth. Otherwise, the evidence will disappear.

That and have your plan in place of what you want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I had about 15 affair partners in 5 years. A little over half were married and had their own reasons for stepping out but all of them claimed to be in sexless marriages except one. That one said her sex life was great, she just had a lot of resentment towards her DH so she did it out of spite I guess (I really didn't care why). The not-married women really surprised me although those "relationships" were shorter, in general than the married women. Surprised because I assumed no sigle woman wanted that kind of FWB relationship with a married man, but I was proven wrong. Also, it was the single women who pursued me where I pursued all the married women.

OMG, 15 AP’s? I hope you’re not with your wife anymore. If you are, are you still cheating? Please do women a favor and don’t ever marry.

No longer married, don't plan to ever marry again. I've been in a LTR now with one of my APs who ended her relationship years ago.

In affair land, the relationships are usually not that long because it's a very dynamic situation and people's needs change. Some jump in and out of it. Some find they aren't cut out for it. My number also includes a number of ONSs.

[Anonymous]

I had an affair with a guy for 5 years. We were both married. His wife was his problem. I was dealing with my own marriage. No way did I want to marry him and I was completely disinterested in his wife. I’d say my situation was not that unusual.

Sex was amazing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I had about 15 affair partners in 5 years. A little over half were married and had their own reasons for stepping out but all of them claimed to be in sexless marriages except one. That one said her sex life was great, she just had a lot of resentment towards her DH so she did it out of spite I guess (I really didn't care why). The not-married women really surprised me although those "relationships" were shorter, in general than the married women. Surprised because I assumed no sigle woman wanted that kind of FWB relationship with a married man, but I was proven wrong. Also, it was the single women who pursued me where I pursued all the married women.

OMG, 15 AP’s? I hope you’re not with your wife anymore. If you are, are you still cheating? Please do women a favor and don’t ever marry.

No longer married, don't plan to ever marry again. I've been in a LTR now with one of my APs who ended her relationship years ago.

In affair land, the relationships are usually not that long because it's a very dynamic situation and people's needs change. Some jump in and out of it. Some find they aren't cut out for it. My number also includes a number of ONSs.

Seriously, do you feel any remorse at all for so much cheating? It's sort of egregious. I have daughters and would hope they don't end up with someone like you (nothing personal since I'm sure you're successful and all). Any advice on how to spot someone like you while dating? It would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I have had three APs, two women were recently divorced and one was married. None of them were looking to ruin my marriage, and the divorced ones eventually moved on to a "real" boyfriend.